just another sleepless night
i was doing great keeping my mind off of him until two nights ago. he was in my dream. he wanted to get back with me, but shortly after we were reunited something happened, and he died. i woke up sobbing.
last night he was in my dreams too. this time i was constantly running toward him, shouting nothing but love at him, and everytime he got close enough for me to reach out my arm and touch him, hed be gone. i woke up sobbing.
i gave in and called him. tryed to keep my composure, started to loose it, so i decided that i should let him go. but before i did i wanted to and i did remind him that i was keeping my distance, to show him ive changed. he said he noticed, i wonder if he really did. its hurts so bad. all the time. i don't know how im handeling it.
he then sent me a text saying how it sounded like i was crying. i didn't answer him, b/c i don't want to lie to him. so i don't tell him how im falling to pieces with his absence. i don't want him to feel bad for me. i just want him to be happy, and hes happier without me. its killing me, but i just stress him out. and i don't want that for him. i wish hed just give me a second chance. but wishing never got anyone anywhere
i never wanted it to be like this.
and its all my fault.