Chibi Prozak's Rant: Episode Three - Revenge of the Nerds
I was just talking to Norma (Bee) earlier today and came to a conclusion. While I rant and rave on this journal, I seem to overwhelm people with the sheer amount of writing that I do. I'm sorry, that's just the way I do it. :D I just write what happens to come off of my head and type it out. Luckily for me (and quite possibly unluckily for you, dear reader) I type just about as fast as I think (80 WPM). Some people think I put a whole lot of time and effort into these rants. Honestly, I don't. Usually, they're done sometime in the late evening before I go to bed or, like today, I write it while I'm waiting for a friend to show up so I can take off for the evening.
Today's topic, on the surface, has to do with love. But, underneath the surface, the basic theme is love in all forms. Not just between boyfriend and girlfriend, but between brother and sister (blood or otherwise) and best friends of the opposite sex.
At this time, I'd like to share with lyrics from a song sung by one Andrea Bocelli and one Eros Ramazotti. It's called Nel Cuore Lei (roughly translates to "She'll be in your Heart"). So bear with me... it's Italian to English:
SHE’LL BE IN YOUR HEART
If
You already know
The love she wants
You’ll know
You have to give everything, all of it
To her
You’ll become as one, with her, forever
She’ll touch your heart
She’ll win your heart
She’ll be your path
That leads to what you lacked, the path
To her
You’ll become as one, with her, forever
And nothing can compare with her
There’s really nothing to understand
It’s just the secret of
Her greatness
The sheer joy
That she alone can give
And that’s how, now, it will always be
Until it becomes even more
You’ll love her, oh how you’ll love her
Because you trust yourself to her
To her, to her
You’ll become as one, with her, forever
And nothing can compare with her
There’s really nothing to understand
That’s just the way she is
All you’ll know for sure
Is the more she makes you suffer
The more you find you love her
Until at last that dawning
That in the thrill she alone can give
Lies the secret of her eternity
To her
You’ll gladly give
All that’s left
Of the time you’ve still to come
To her
You’re as one, with her, forever
And she’ll be there, in your heart
Okay.... I'll let you guys kinda take that in for a second. On the surface, it sounds like the boys are singing about the one thing Italians (well... okay one of two things: cooking being the other) know well. Love. The kind of love that twists your soul or sets it free. The kind of love that every man wishes to have, but few will ever admit to wanting.
Why is it men fear to love? We never seem to fear lusting (which is much more dangerous than love) or hating other people. But love, one of the truest and purest forms of emotion is always locked away deep in their hearts never to be exposed to the light. My theory? It has everything to do with society. We, as men, are taught to "toughen up" and not cry in front of people. Everything we do, as men, has been ingrained in us since we were children.
I, myself, was taught the ideals of "Machismo" from Hispanic men and Asian men. Most notably, my father and my "big bro" Juan. I was taught that a man needs to provide and protect his woman from harm, whether it be from the outside world, other people, or even themselves. This idea is so ingrained in me that when I see a man hit a woman, it sets me off like nothing else will.
However, both of these "father" figures that I grew up with never really followed through thoroughly with what they had taught me. My own father was the perfect example of this. My parents recently got divorced after 25 years. Why? Because my mom just got sick and tired of the bull. Not that my father wasn't a good dad, nor was he really a bad dad. And not that my father ever cheated on my mother or that he wasn't responsible. No. It was that my father was also taught in this manner but never really got the concept. Honestly, I have never witnessed my father telling my mother that he loves her. Nor did he ever take her out to eat or a movie just because he felt like it. I truly think that my parents loved each other but, because of the way the were raised, they were unable to express it.
Now that I think back on it, my father never even really said "I love you" to either me or my brother. Once again, the stereotypical male. Unable to express his emotions and just let someone know you appreciate them. I'm not bashing my dad by any means. More that I pity him. I feel so bad that he lives alone in his house in Lake Forest. That he goes to work 12 hours a day only because he doesn't want to sit at home alone. I think that's where my dad and I differ. I can get along with pretty much anyone and have a zillion friends. Meanwhile, my dad doesn't let anyone get close to him because he's already lost so many friends to disease and war. All I can hope for is that I never end up like him. Alone in a huge house with no one to talk to. Hell, he doesn't even call me. He's that damn proud.
Okay... after talking about him, I got the bright idea to call him. Ouch. That kinda sucked. He's not pissed at me, but I can tell he's disappointed in me in that I don't really ever call him. Not like it's my fault or anything, honestly, I'm just so busy getting my own life together that it's kinda hard to keep my father's life in line as well. Hell, it almost sounded like he was giving up on life.
*le sigh*
SO yeah, I'm completely the opposite of my dad. I love making new friends, I love meeting new people, and I can honestly say that I love being in love. Some of you know who I'm talking about, whilst the rest of you are scratching your head saying "huh?" but watevers. This girl makes me feel in a way that I haven't felt in years. You know that feeling that you get when you see someone for the first time each day? That special person that sends a shiver of delight down your spine, spins butterflies in your stomach, and ties your tongue so that you are incoherent? Sound familiar? I know that most of you reading this right now think the same way about someone. For most, like me, it is either an unrequited love or a love that doesn't understand the extent of your love. Not knowing is honestly the worst feeling that a person can have. Certainty is infinitely better for the human mind. Seriously. If you knew that the person you loved loved you back, yay! If you knew for sure that they didn't love you like that, then it'd be okay. Not good, but better than pining away in the shadows hoping that they would notice something you did.
That's kinda my problem. I don't like causing problems or complications for other people, so when I like or love a girl, I won't really tell them. I guess I'm being kinda like a girl in that aspect. But seriously, when I come across like a guy, the wall immediately goes up. I'd rather be like a.... well... for lack of a better term... a parasite. I'd rather be around the person and grow on them so that they eventually can see through the craziness that is me.
Honestly, I'm just one mixed up Neopolitian twinkie. I'm yellow on the outside, but not a damn clue what I am inside. I do things that are stereotypically asian, however, I do a whole lot of things that most people would never imagine an Asian would do. Christ, I'm even an opera major. For those of you that know me, I don't exactly come across as such. I usually go ghetto on people. I think I do this because I'd rather have people see me for who I am on the inside, not the person that's running around like a maniac. I think that it kinda weeds out the people that aren't really worth my time knowing.
*sigh again*
I guess this would be as good a time as any to end this rant for the day....
Until next time.
Same Prozak Time
Same Prozak Channel.
Today's topic, on the surface, has to do with love. But, underneath the surface, the basic theme is love in all forms. Not just between boyfriend and girlfriend, but between brother and sister (blood or otherwise) and best friends of the opposite sex.
At this time, I'd like to share with lyrics from a song sung by one Andrea Bocelli and one Eros Ramazotti. It's called Nel Cuore Lei (roughly translates to "She'll be in your Heart"). So bear with me... it's Italian to English:
SHE’LL BE IN YOUR HEART
If
You already know
The love she wants
You’ll know
You have to give everything, all of it
To her
You’ll become as one, with her, forever
She’ll touch your heart
She’ll win your heart
She’ll be your path
That leads to what you lacked, the path
To her
You’ll become as one, with her, forever
And nothing can compare with her
There’s really nothing to understand
It’s just the secret of
Her greatness
The sheer joy
That she alone can give
And that’s how, now, it will always be
Until it becomes even more
You’ll love her, oh how you’ll love her
Because you trust yourself to her
To her, to her
You’ll become as one, with her, forever
And nothing can compare with her
There’s really nothing to understand
That’s just the way she is
All you’ll know for sure
Is the more she makes you suffer
The more you find you love her
Until at last that dawning
That in the thrill she alone can give
Lies the secret of her eternity
To her
You’ll gladly give
All that’s left
Of the time you’ve still to come
To her
You’re as one, with her, forever
And she’ll be there, in your heart
Okay.... I'll let you guys kinda take that in for a second. On the surface, it sounds like the boys are singing about the one thing Italians (well... okay one of two things: cooking being the other) know well. Love. The kind of love that twists your soul or sets it free. The kind of love that every man wishes to have, but few will ever admit to wanting.
Why is it men fear to love? We never seem to fear lusting (which is much more dangerous than love) or hating other people. But love, one of the truest and purest forms of emotion is always locked away deep in their hearts never to be exposed to the light. My theory? It has everything to do with society. We, as men, are taught to "toughen up" and not cry in front of people. Everything we do, as men, has been ingrained in us since we were children.
I, myself, was taught the ideals of "Machismo" from Hispanic men and Asian men. Most notably, my father and my "big bro" Juan. I was taught that a man needs to provide and protect his woman from harm, whether it be from the outside world, other people, or even themselves. This idea is so ingrained in me that when I see a man hit a woman, it sets me off like nothing else will.
However, both of these "father" figures that I grew up with never really followed through thoroughly with what they had taught me. My own father was the perfect example of this. My parents recently got divorced after 25 years. Why? Because my mom just got sick and tired of the bull. Not that my father wasn't a good dad, nor was he really a bad dad. And not that my father ever cheated on my mother or that he wasn't responsible. No. It was that my father was also taught in this manner but never really got the concept. Honestly, I have never witnessed my father telling my mother that he loves her. Nor did he ever take her out to eat or a movie just because he felt like it. I truly think that my parents loved each other but, because of the way the were raised, they were unable to express it.
Now that I think back on it, my father never even really said "I love you" to either me or my brother. Once again, the stereotypical male. Unable to express his emotions and just let someone know you appreciate them. I'm not bashing my dad by any means. More that I pity him. I feel so bad that he lives alone in his house in Lake Forest. That he goes to work 12 hours a day only because he doesn't want to sit at home alone. I think that's where my dad and I differ. I can get along with pretty much anyone and have a zillion friends. Meanwhile, my dad doesn't let anyone get close to him because he's already lost so many friends to disease and war. All I can hope for is that I never end up like him. Alone in a huge house with no one to talk to. Hell, he doesn't even call me. He's that damn proud.
Okay... after talking about him, I got the bright idea to call him. Ouch. That kinda sucked. He's not pissed at me, but I can tell he's disappointed in me in that I don't really ever call him. Not like it's my fault or anything, honestly, I'm just so busy getting my own life together that it's kinda hard to keep my father's life in line as well. Hell, it almost sounded like he was giving up on life.
*le sigh*
SO yeah, I'm completely the opposite of my dad. I love making new friends, I love meeting new people, and I can honestly say that I love being in love. Some of you know who I'm talking about, whilst the rest of you are scratching your head saying "huh?" but watevers. This girl makes me feel in a way that I haven't felt in years. You know that feeling that you get when you see someone for the first time each day? That special person that sends a shiver of delight down your spine, spins butterflies in your stomach, and ties your tongue so that you are incoherent? Sound familiar? I know that most of you reading this right now think the same way about someone. For most, like me, it is either an unrequited love or a love that doesn't understand the extent of your love. Not knowing is honestly the worst feeling that a person can have. Certainty is infinitely better for the human mind. Seriously. If you knew that the person you loved loved you back, yay! If you knew for sure that they didn't love you like that, then it'd be okay. Not good, but better than pining away in the shadows hoping that they would notice something you did.
That's kinda my problem. I don't like causing problems or complications for other people, so when I like or love a girl, I won't really tell them. I guess I'm being kinda like a girl in that aspect. But seriously, when I come across like a guy, the wall immediately goes up. I'd rather be like a.... well... for lack of a better term... a parasite. I'd rather be around the person and grow on them so that they eventually can see through the craziness that is me.
Honestly, I'm just one mixed up Neopolitian twinkie. I'm yellow on the outside, but not a damn clue what I am inside. I do things that are stereotypically asian, however, I do a whole lot of things that most people would never imagine an Asian would do. Christ, I'm even an opera major. For those of you that know me, I don't exactly come across as such. I usually go ghetto on people. I think I do this because I'd rather have people see me for who I am on the inside, not the person that's running around like a maniac. I think that it kinda weeds out the people that aren't really worth my time knowing.
*sigh again*
I guess this would be as good a time as any to end this rant for the day....
Until next time.
Same Prozak Time
Same Prozak Channel.