Ghost Rider Report
Dear Mark Steven Johnson,
First off I would like to say you make me sad. You lack a proper middle and last name. So technically its my fault for trusting someone with no true last name.
I recently viewed a movie you directed. This movie was Ghost Rider. I saw the movie with my poor friend Ed. Unfortunatly he is unable to add input of his own to this letter because he cannot read what he is writing. Shortly after viewing your film he ripped out his eyeballs and swore never to see another movie again.
Yes, thats right Mark. You have caused my friend a lifes worth of pain after watching your movie. Not only did we watch it but we actually paid for it. I guess the joke was on us eh Mark?
Although I would be lying if I said the movie was all bad. I mean with the laughable bad guys that resembled brain dead morons vs a hyperactive kid with the invincibility code on in a shooter game. But that I can look past that I mean you even included bad ass Sam Elliot in your movie. Normally Sam Elliot is enough to make any terrible movie at least laughable. Unfortunatly you took this bad ass actor and wrote him off and made him do nothing redemable.
I like how you portrayed Nicholas Cage in this movie. You looked to great actors of the past for his inspiration. I can tell his main inspiration was the stellar performace of Keanu Reeves from The Matrixs where in parts he could have been replaced with a peice of plywood with an angry face on it. (Yes I am stealing from Maddox)
I will go as far to say that the movie was actually OK before Ghost Rider even appeared. Other than feeling like I was watching a terrible spin off of The Naked Trucker and T-bone. The awful southern accents and even worsely scripted dialog were still better than the possible 5 lines that ole Mr Cage said while his head was aflame. One thing you could say is that any possibilty of the movie being good burned up and flew away as the flesh peeled off Nicholas Cages face.
I would like to have called this an action film Mr. Johnson but I have seen old ladies in line for medication put up a better fight than what your bad guys put up against Ghost Rider.
Your movie was not only bad but myself a seasoned MST3Ker was unable to even make fun of the movie because of how hard it was trying. The movie likened a retarded kid trying really hard to win a race when in fact there was no race but you can't bring yourself to laugh at him because as you watch him run at an ever increasing pace you see him trip, land on his face and turn into a quivering mass of stupid sucking his thumb. (sorry to anyone I offended)
The movie wasn't entirely bad. It had two high points other than the entrance of Sam Elliot. One point where the main characters love interest is sitting alone at a table drunk on wine while waiting for Mr. Fire Head. She asks the waiter "You find me beautiful right?" And he responds quickly with a dismissing "Meh".
The only other part that I found even laughable was near the end Mr Cage and Mr Elliot are riding towards their fates on their flaming steeds. As the riders hasten their pace they quickly ride by a innocent salamander. And what do they do? What any southern dumbass hick would do. Incinerate it.
As I watch Ed fall over and bleed his last few ounces of blood into the carpeting I feel no remorse for him since he got the better of the deal. He won't have to put up with the possibility of a sequal. I on the other hand gave a sickly fart expelling that which was bad. Your movie directly out of my anus clearing my mind of any possibilty of me watching it again.
http://imdb.com/gallery/ss/0259324/Ss/0259324/GR-010.jpg.html?path=gallery&path_key=0259324
Here is a picture of Nicholas Cage wondering if he will have a carrer after this film.
Thank you Mr. Johnson for this steaming pile of dog crap that one could only call Ghost Rider.
First off I would like to say you make me sad. You lack a proper middle and last name. So technically its my fault for trusting someone with no true last name.
I recently viewed a movie you directed. This movie was Ghost Rider. I saw the movie with my poor friend Ed. Unfortunatly he is unable to add input of his own to this letter because he cannot read what he is writing. Shortly after viewing your film he ripped out his eyeballs and swore never to see another movie again.
Yes, thats right Mark. You have caused my friend a lifes worth of pain after watching your movie. Not only did we watch it but we actually paid for it. I guess the joke was on us eh Mark?
Although I would be lying if I said the movie was all bad. I mean with the laughable bad guys that resembled brain dead morons vs a hyperactive kid with the invincibility code on in a shooter game. But that I can look past that I mean you even included bad ass Sam Elliot in your movie. Normally Sam Elliot is enough to make any terrible movie at least laughable. Unfortunatly you took this bad ass actor and wrote him off and made him do nothing redemable.
I like how you portrayed Nicholas Cage in this movie. You looked to great actors of the past for his inspiration. I can tell his main inspiration was the stellar performace of Keanu Reeves from The Matrixs where in parts he could have been replaced with a peice of plywood with an angry face on it. (Yes I am stealing from Maddox)
I will go as far to say that the movie was actually OK before Ghost Rider even appeared. Other than feeling like I was watching a terrible spin off of The Naked Trucker and T-bone. The awful southern accents and even worsely scripted dialog were still better than the possible 5 lines that ole Mr Cage said while his head was aflame. One thing you could say is that any possibilty of the movie being good burned up and flew away as the flesh peeled off Nicholas Cages face.
I would like to have called this an action film Mr. Johnson but I have seen old ladies in line for medication put up a better fight than what your bad guys put up against Ghost Rider.
Your movie was not only bad but myself a seasoned MST3Ker was unable to even make fun of the movie because of how hard it was trying. The movie likened a retarded kid trying really hard to win a race when in fact there was no race but you can't bring yourself to laugh at him because as you watch him run at an ever increasing pace you see him trip, land on his face and turn into a quivering mass of stupid sucking his thumb. (sorry to anyone I offended)
The movie wasn't entirely bad. It had two high points other than the entrance of Sam Elliot. One point where the main characters love interest is sitting alone at a table drunk on wine while waiting for Mr. Fire Head. She asks the waiter "You find me beautiful right?" And he responds quickly with a dismissing "Meh".
The only other part that I found even laughable was near the end Mr Cage and Mr Elliot are riding towards their fates on their flaming steeds. As the riders hasten their pace they quickly ride by a innocent salamander. And what do they do? What any southern dumbass hick would do. Incinerate it.
As I watch Ed fall over and bleed his last few ounces of blood into the carpeting I feel no remorse for him since he got the better of the deal. He won't have to put up with the possibility of a sequal. I on the other hand gave a sickly fart expelling that which was bad. Your movie directly out of my anus clearing my mind of any possibilty of me watching it again.
http://imdb.com/gallery/ss/0259324/Ss/0259324/GR-010.jpg.html?path=gallery&path_key=0259324
Here is a picture of Nicholas Cage wondering if he will have a carrer after this film.
Thank you Mr. Johnson for this steaming pile of dog crap that one could only call Ghost Rider.