The struggle of life

[bigorangedan]

These past 4 years have not been the easiest in my life. In fact I would wager that they have been the hardest that I have had to go through. Since losing my job when the recession hit in 2008/2009 life has been on a steady downward spiral that I just cannot seem to come out of. After losing the job that was going to get me into a position of being better off in life I took what i call a survival job, one that made just enough money to pay all the bills with very little left over at the end of the month. I continued to try and look for a better job, but because my current experience was in sales at that time, I couldn't seem to break back into the industry in which I had been working prior to the recession. As more time went on, I realized that the only way out would be to save up enough to get a bit of education to break that barrier. But with so little coming in and a large student debt load I had no way of doing this. So I continued to struggle, living to work with little to no money for even socializing. Life began to get pretty dark. Work, eat, sleep, repeat. That's all life was, no socializing, no LIVING, just working. Thank the gods that I lived with Frankie or things would've been much worse I am sure. Then, at my survival job, I was forced to pay into a pension plan as a condition of employment. Suddenly more money was going out then was coming in and I lost it. The end result of this situation was me filing for bankruptcy, an action that I felt designated me as a complete failure as an adult. The bankruptcy required me to make payments for a set period of time because on paper I made too much money(see just enough to make the bills) to be completely exonerated from my debt. So, I continued to live hand to mouth, never being able to put any money away and not having any form of social interaction. Then, I lost my job. I found another right away, but at least this time I was making slightly more than was going out. Things were starting to look up, I only had a few months left on the bankruptcy payments and then I would be able to start socking away some money for either a plan or my ever loved festival seasons. But then in January my position was eliminated and I was back to square one. The severance pay was just enough for one month of rent, bills and my last bankruptcy payment and EI wouldn't kick in for at least two months. I stretched the money as far as I could with help from my landlord, but still EI had not kicked in and, having no savings to fall back on, I was forced to call my parents for help. It was not decision i wanted to make, but necessity force my hand, move or live on the streets, so in a few days I was moving back to the Yukon, a place that I long ago left behind because it has nothing for me as a person. It is a sheltered, small community style of life with strong conservative political overtones. I am as low as I have ever been and despite my Father's assurances that there were "tonnes of jobs willing to hire an able bodies person" I cannot seem to find work. I am going into my fourth month of searching for a job up here soon and am starting to panic. EI has kicked in, after I had to appeal my case twice because 1. I moved and 2. I quit a job that gave me 4 hours a week. I just want to be in a place where I am taking action again instead of reacting to the situation around me. C'mon universe, throw me a bone.

sigh, I needed to get that off my chest.