A Kind Much Closer - Three
Carlos knows it’s stupid, especially after the talk he had with Kendall, but there’s something in him that keeps telling him to try and try again. He doesn’t, though, no matter how much he wants to listen to that part of himself. Being rejected the first time stung, it really did, and hearing Kendall say that he couldn’t be the one Carlos ends up with, that he doesn’t feel the same, hurt. A lot.
He doesn’t understand it, though. He knows he’s perfect for Kendall, absolutely knows it, feels it in his heart right down to the tips of his toes, the same way he knows Kendall’s perfect for him. He doesn’t have a list, but if he were to make one, it’d have all the things that Kendall is: strong, caring, passionate, bold, competitive, loyal, loving. He just has no way of proving it to Kendall. He’d thought showing Kendall the list would make him realize how perfect they are for each other, but all it did was highlight the one thing that Carlos isn’t, and that’s female.
He’s all out of ideas, almost ready to give in and admit defeat when he hears the door open and shut, James’ and Logan’s voices loud in the quiet of the apartment.
“Hey, guys, can I talk to you for a minute?” he asks when they get closer.
“Of course, dude,” James says, taking a seat, pulling Logan down beside him. “What’s up?”
“It’s uh…relationship stuff,” Carlos says, picking a piece of lint off his jeans.
“Ooh, yes, my area of expertise,” James says, rubbing his hands together giddily.
“Yeaaah, no,” Logan says, pushing James’ hands back down to his lap. “We’ll try to help you as best as we can once you fill us in on what’s going on.”
Carlos purses his lips, trying to decide the best way to discuss this. He settles on being as vague as he can while giving the most details possible, however that’ll work.
“So, okay,” he starts, rubbing his palms against his thighs. “I like this person, right, and I know we’re perfect for each other, only the other person doesn’t seem to think so, and I’ve tried everything I could think of, but nothing’s worked, and I just - I need help.”
“Here’s what you’ve gotta do,” James says, sitting forward, ignoring the way Logan’s trying to keep him back. “You’ve gotta make Kendall jealous.”
Carlos sputters, nearly choking on his spit. “Kendall?! Who said anything about it being Kendall?”
“Carlos, please. Love doctor of love you’re talking to here. I know things,” James says, making a face when Logan groans his disapproval.
“It was kind of obvious to see,” Logan says, and Carlos can’t quite figure out how it was obvious to him when he and James haven’t been around much. “You’ve always looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars, and it was only a matter of time before you realized how you really felt about him.”
“I guess, yeah,” Carlos replies, because really, what can he say to that?
“Anyways, Carlos, what you’ve gotta do is make him jealous, make him see what he’s missing out on,” James says, repeating his idea.
“Don’t listen to him,” Logan says, shaking his head. “I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but if Kendall isn’t coming around to the idea of you and him being anything more than friends, you can’t force it, no matter how perfect you think you are for each other. You’ll only end up damaging your friendship, and I don’t think that’s something either of you want to happen.”
Logan’s right, Carlos knows he is, even though he hates to admit it. “So what do I do?” he asks, certain he already knows the answer.
“You try to move on,” Logan replies, voice soft and calming.
“What? That’s dumb advice, Logan,” James says, crossing his arms over his chest.
“No, James, it’s not. Logan’s right,” Carlos says. “If I force it, it’ll ruin our friendship, and that’ll just make things awkward for all of us, and I don’t want to be the cause of that. It’s best for everyone if I try to move on.”
Even as he says it, he knows it’s going to be near impossible to do. How’s he supposed to even begin to attempt to move on from the person he knows he’s meant to be with? He’s not entirely sure it’ll ever happen.
--
It’s really not easy trying to get over Kendall, even in the face of everything being as awkward as it is. Carlos hates the way Kendall seems to be tip-toeing around him, the way he’s overly cautious about what he says and what he does, and it should make Carlos angry, or upset, or frustrated, but it does none of those things. It only endears him to Kendall even more, makes this tendril of affection surge through him at the way Kendall’s being so damn caring about his feelings.
He’s pretty certain he’s entirely screwed.
--
Carlos is sitting by the pool, dipping his feet into the water when someone sits down beside him, feet joining Carlos’ a moment later.
Carlos turns his head to the side, greeted with the sight of someone he’s seen a couple times before in passing. He has messy brown hair, bright blue eyes, his skin tanned from the sun. His full lips are turned up in a friendly smile, cheeks flushed from the heat. He’s commonly attractive, and it’s nothing that particularly gets Carlos too excited.
He shakes his head, smiling back.
“Hey, I’m Eric,” the guys says politely, putting his hand out for Carlos to shake.
“I’m Carlos,” he replies, gripping Eric’s hand in a firm shake for a few seconds before he lets go.
“What are you doing over here all alone?” Eric asks, making the water around their feet ripple as he swings his legs back and forth.
“Oh, y’know, just enjoying the weather,” Carlos says, watching the way the water laps at his ankles as it moves.
“We should take a walk,” Eric suggests, already pulling his feet out of the water. “Get something to eat, y’know.”
Carlos furrows his brows, confused for a moment before realization dawns. Oh. Eric is asking him out. On a date.
He doesn’t know what to say, floundering for a minute, and it seems as though Eric takes his non-answer for rejection.
“Oh, man, I’m sorry. You’re probably not even - wow. I’m usually much better at detecting these things. Seriously, I apologize,” Eric says in a rush, face turning an intense shade of red.
“No, no, that’s not - I mean, I am, kind of. It just - you took me by surprise is all,” Carlos says, removing his feet from the pool, quickly standing beside Eric. He figures there isn’t any harm in at least going on one date with this guy, already thinking it’s not going to work out since he’s hopelessly hung up on Kendall, but he’ll hopefully at least have made a new friend, so he finds himself saying yes, smiling back at Eric when his face lights up in relief.
--
Whatever Carlos was expecting, it certainly wasn’t this. Eric is actually funny, in a dry, sarcastic kind of way, he’s interesting, flipping from one topic to the next, usually without warning, and he’s a musician - struggling, so he says. He’s got calluses on his hands from guitar playing, and it instantly reminds Carlos of Kendall, no matter how much he tries to shove Kendall out of his mind.
Most of the time, though, he’s too busy trying to keep up with Eric to pay much attention to the small similarities. Eric’s crazy fun and spontaneous, and they spend a lot of time at the park, zipping up and down the paths on skateboards or playing a game of Frisbee - which somehow turns into a one-on-one game of tackle football, with the Frisbee acting as the football -, or talking about anything and everything - well, everything except that - under the sun, from movies to music to favorite foods and their families and it surprises Carlos how much he really does enjoy being around Eric.
It keeps his mind off Kendall, helps him push passed the sting and hurt of Kendall’s rejection, and when Eric smiles at him, perfectly white teeth surrounded by full pink lips, Carlos thinks that maybe, just maybe, he and Eric could have something good.
--
Kendall’s kind of given up his whole quest on actively finding the perfect girl for himself. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen.
Now that his time isn’t being spent out searching, he finds himself bouncing from the apartment down to the pool, back to the apartment, back down to the pool, almost bored to tears.
This entire situation with Carlos absolutely sucks. He has no one to hang out with now, James and Logan always off doing their nauseating couple thing, and he just - he really hates how things are right now. He’s never quite sure how to act when he’s around Carlos, constantly second-guessing himself like he’s afraid Carlos might read too much into what he says or what he does, and it’s stupid. He’s being stupid. He knows he is.
There’s no reason for him to be acting so dumb, not after he took the time to lay it all out for Carlos. He knows Carlos wouldn’t jeopardize their friendship by continuing to pursue him after the talk they had, but it still doesn’t stop the way he behaves every time he’s around him.
They’ve barely managed to exchange more than a few sentences at a time, and Kendall had attributed it to his own awkwardness regarding the situation and Carlos’ hurt over being rejected, so it takes him by surprise when he’s lounging by the pool and he spots Carlos sitting at a table on the opposite end, smiling and laughing like Kendall hasn’t seen him in days, longer, even.
It leaves an unsettling taste in his mouth, makes his stomach roll uncomfortably, and then he sees the guy Carlos is sitting next to, the way Carlos keeps touching his arm and laughing, the way the guy smiles right back at Carlos, and it makes Kendall’s blood boil in a way that has him gritting his teeth so hard it causes a headache.
He quickly leaves the pool, hands balled into fists at his side as he makes his way back up to the apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.
Of course it would be just his luck that James and Logan are curled up on the sofa watching a movie.
“What’s your problem?” James asks, not even bothering to pull his gaze from the tv.
“Nothing,” Kendall says, short and succinct, more than enough of a hint that he doesn’t want to talk.
“Obviously it’s something, or you wouldn’t have slammed the door that hard,” Logan chimes in.
Kendall’s ready to repeat that it’s nothing, but Logan looks over, that knowing look on his face, and Kendall sighs, sitting on the opposite end of the sofa, dropping his head into his hands.
Honestly, Kendall doesn’t even know what’s wrong. He has no idea why he’s so - so angry, why it feels like there’s something clawing at his insides, and it makes him all the more frustrated.
“I’m just so fucking bored,” Kendall says, and it’s not technically a lie. If he wasn’t so bored, he wouldn’t have seen what he just saw and he wouldn’t be going out of his head trying to figure out why exactly that sight upset him so much.
“Chill with us, dude,” James says.
Kendall’s tempted to take him up on the offer, but he really doesn’t want to stick around and watch James and Logan be all nauseatingly sweet together.
“Nah. Thanks, though,” Kendall says, rising from the sofa. “Think I’m just gonna go take a nap or something.”
“Suit yourself,” James replies, attention already focused back on the tv.
Kendall enters his room, flopping facedown onto his bed. He squeezes his eyes shut tight, hoping it’ll ease the pounding in his head, but all it does is pull up the image of Carlos and that guy, sitting and laughing together.
It’s seriously messing with Kendall’s head and mood, for reasons he’s not entirely certain of. His main thought is he’s jealous, the same way watching James and Logan together makes him jealous. They’ve all got someone who makes them laugh, makes them happy, and he wants that, too. It’s how this entire mess started.
The thing that’s really getting to him, though, is the way Carlos seemed completely happy and carefree with that guy. He doesn’t understand it. Only a few days ago, Carlos was pushing Kendall’s own list at him, telling him how he fit everything Kendall listed. He’s just - he’s stuck on the fact that Carlos made it seem like he was the only one who could make Carlos happy, and now that that doesn’t seem to be the case, it’s making him irrationally angry.
He should be happy for Carlos. Carlos deserves to be with someone who makes him happy, someone who’s perfect for him, but instead, Kendall’s anything but happy, and he hates himself a little for it. It makes him even angrier that Carlos hasn’t mentioned the guy he’s seeing, or that he was even interested in anyone else.
He rationalizes it by telling himself that maybe Carlos is just working up to it, that he needs some time before he says anything about it, and Kendall’s last thought before he lets sleep take hold is that he’ll give Carlos all the time he needs, even if he isn’t happy about it.
--
So, maybe Kendall was lying to himself when he said he’d give Carlos all the time he needed.
With each day that goes by and not a word is uttered from Carlos about the guy he’s seeing, Kendall takes it upon himself to scope out the guy, make sure he’s treating Carlos the way he deserves to be treated. It’s not the smartest plan, and he’s pretty certain if he wants to know anything he can just ask Carlos, but with the way Carlos seems to not want to talk about it, spying on them is the next best thing, or at least it is in Kendall’s opinion.
Before he leaves the apartment, he grabs a treehat from where they’re stacked in his closet, chuckling softly to himself. There hasn’t really been a reason for the treehats to be used in quite a while, so instead of leaving them lying around and in the way, they’d been put away in Kendall’s closet.
Kendall tucks the treehat under his arm as he rides down the elevator and walks through the lobby, out to the pool where he looks around, trying to find Carlos. He groans when he doesn’t see him anywhere, backtracking through the lobby and out the doors that lead to the park.
It takes him awhile, longer than he’d like, but when he finally spots Carlos, he has to restrain himself from shouting out in triumph. He quickly shoves the treehat on top of his head, crouching down behind a bush that gives him a clear view of the bench Carlos and that guy are sitting on.
Kendall stays and watches for what feels like hours, shifting every time he loses feeling in one of his legs, a mix of emotions building and swirling inside him.
Every time Carlos touches that guy’s arm, every time he laughs at something he says, it makes Kendall’s stomach turn, makes him grit his teeth and narrow his eyes like maybe they’ll start shooting beams of fire if he tries hard enough.
Someone clears their throat from behind him, and Kendall turns slowly, irritation slowly fading to sheepishness.
“What are you doing?” James asks, eyebrow raised.
“Who, me?” Kendall asks, voice edging on hysterical. “Oh, y’know, nothing. Just chillin’. What uh - what about you guys?”
“Do you make it a habit of ‘just chillin’’ in bushes?” Logan asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
“What? No, of course not,” Kendall replies nervously, rising to his feet.
“Seriously, man, what’s going on with you lately?” James asks, and Kendall can hear the concern in his voice.
Kendall sighs. “Can we just do this back at the apartment?” He turns and walks away without waiting for their reply, isn’t entirely sure why he’s even doing this in the first place. He doesn’t want to talk about his damn problems, doesn’t want to hear how petty and unfair he’s being because he already knows all of it. He sucks.
James and Logan are right behind Kendall when he gets into the apartment, shutting the door behind them.
“We’re ready whenever you are,” Logan says, James’ hand in his as they make their way to sit on the sofa.
Kendall pulls in a deep breath, leaning against the counter. He shuts his eyes, shoves his hands into his pockets, pulls them out, pushes the treehat off his head and runs them through his hair, then shoves them in his pockets again.
“Any day now,” James says, patience rapidly dwindling.
Kendall opens his mouth and it all just spills out, everything he’s been keeping to himself out there in the open.
“It was all Carlos’ idea, trying to find the perfect girl for me. We made a stupid list that had all the qualities I was looking for because I guess I was jealous of the relationship you two had and I wanted something like that. I went on a bunch of dates, but I never found anyone I wanted to have a second date with and it sucked, a lot.
“And then Carlos started acting weird. He kept finding things wrong with the girls I’d point out and I figured there wasn’t anything wrong with that, y’know. He’s one of my best friends; obviously he’s gonna give me his opinion on whether or not he thinks a girl is good enough for me or whatever. I mean, that’s all I thought it was, but then he started coming up with reasons why he didn’t want to come along anymore, and, okay, I get it, or I thought I did. I just figured he was tired of it all, y’know. You can only watch someone date so many different people before it gets ridiculous and you decide to give up. So I asked him if that’s what he was doing, if he thought I wasn’t ever going to find someone that was perfect for me, if I wasn’t good enough, and god, I really wasn’t prepared for his answer.
“He told me that I was too good for any of the people around here, that I’d find someone who’s so perfect for me I won’t know how I ever lived without them before, and it made me feel a little better about the entire situation, but how he sounded when he said it. Y’know how he used to sound when he first started following the Jennifers around? It was like that, but like, times a billion, and it took awhile before I was able to put it all together, but then I realized Carlos had those feelings for me, and then he asked me out, and god, I hated saying no to him, but I couldn’t say yes, y’know? I don’t feel that way about him, but how sad he looked, I wish I would’ve been able to say yes only so I wouldn’t have had to see that look on his face.
“And now, now he’s spending all his time with this dumb guy who’s not perfect for Carlos and it’s stupid because he should be spending his time with me! I’m the one who’s perfect for him. I’m the one who can make him happy.”
Kendall slaps a hand over his mouth when he realizes what he just said, complete shock running through him.
No, no, no, no. He can’t. He doesn’t. He would’ve known. He would have. That’s not something someone misses. It’s impossible. Carlos is his best friend, like a brother to him, that’s all it is.
But. It’s not. Deep down he knows it’s not. It’s why when he sees Carlos touching that guy it makes him so fucking angry because he wants it to be him touching Carlos like that, wants it to be him making Carlos laugh and smile like that, but it’s not and it makes him so damn jealous.
“Holy shit,” Kendall says, feeling faint with the realization.
“Huh,” James says.
“HUH? That’s all you have to say?!” Kendall shouts, throwing his hands up.
“Kendall, I think you need to sit down,” Logan says, untangling his fingers from James’ so he can stand and help Kendall to the sofa.
Kendall allows Logan to maneuver him down onto the sofa, dropping his head into his hands the moment he’s seated. How the fuck did this happen? And why the hell wasn’t he aware?
“So,” James says, drawing out the single word for a few seconds before he continues, “You’re in love with Carlos.”
“No, I’m not!” Kendall says immediately, the words already feeling wrong on his tongue. “I can’t be,” he says in a near whisper.
“Why not?” Logan asks.
“Because I’m not - not that there’s anything wrong with it, I’m just not, y’know,” Kendall replies, scrubbing roughly at his hair.
James lets out a loud laugh, followed by an ‘ow’ when Logan whacks him in the stomach. “Dude,” he says, still laughing slightly. “I’m not either.”
“But you’re with Logan,” Kendall says, brows knit in confusion.
Logan cuts in before James has a chance to open his mouth. “It’s not always about gender or sexuality or any of that,” he says. “It’s about what you feel in your heart, that connection you feel with another person, how they make you happier than you’ve ever been before, the way they make you feel complete, like there’s a part of you that was missing before and you didn’t know it until they came into your life. It’s about love, Kendall.”
There’s the distinct sound of sniffling and Kendall turns his head to find James discreetly trying to wipe his eyes.
“What? A piece of dust flew in my eye, jeez,” he says, voice edging on embarrassed, but his eyes are still a little wet when he turns to Logan.
Kendall lets them have their moment while he allows Logan’s words to sink in, letting them reverberate through him.
What he feels in his heart? What he feels in his heart is that he fucked up, big time - pun unintended and unwelcome.
But aside from that, what he feels, what he really feels and knows, is that Carlos makes him happy, makes him laugh, and he’s never really felt that a part of him was missing, at least not when Carlos is around. Lately, though, with Carlos not around, it’s left him off-kilter, unused to being alone, so lost with all the time he’s had to himself.
It’s not that he constantly needs Carlos around every second of every day; it’s just that everything’s better with Carlos around.
God, he’s such an idiot. How did he not see it before?
“Maybe you didn’t want to see it,” Logan says suddenly, pulling Kendall’s attention to him. “You were talking out loud, dude.”
“Oh,” Kendall says. “I don’t - I don’t know what to do. He’s seeing this guy now, and I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my chance,” he confesses quietly, his heart slowing at the bitter realization.
“He had to move on, Kendall. He didn’t think he had a chance. It would’ve made things so much more complicated if he would have kept trying,” Logan explains, trying to offer a comfort Kendall doesn’t really want.
“But I didn’t know how I felt then,” Kendall says. It’s not fair that now that he knows how he feels, he doesn’t have a chance. It’s such a sick and twisted joke.
“Then talk to him,” Logan says. “Talking to us isn’t going to change things. We’re not the ones you’re in love with.”
“Thank god,” James cuts in. “Ow, what was that for?” he hisses at Logan. “Why would I want him to be in love with me when I’m more than happy with you?”
“Guys, focus!” Kendall says, voice a little strained.
“Right, well. Do what Logan said: talk to him.”
“I - yeah, I guess,” Kendall says, nerves already a frazzled mess at just the thought of the conversation. “Thanks, guys,” he adds after a minute. He appreciates the insight they’ve provided, Logan especially. It’s really put a lot of things into perspective for him, and if everything goes the way Kendall hopes it will, he’s not quite sure he’ll ever be able to replay him.
He waits until he hears “anytime, man” from both of them before he heads towards his room, a call of “good luck” following him.
--
Carlos hasn’t been spending much time in the apartment lately. It’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s just that Kendall always seems to be around and things still feel kind of off between them. The handful of times they’ve been around each other, the limited conversations they’ve had have been incredibly awkward, leaving Carlos feeling more than a little unsettled.
He’s ducking into the apartment to grab his helmet and skateboard when Kendall appears seemingly out of nowhere, arms folded on top of the counter.
“Whatcha doing?”
“Um. Going skateboarding,” Carlos replies, lifting his board and helmet for proof.
“Wait a sec and I’ll go with you,” Kendall offers, pushing away from the counter.
“N-no, that’s okay,” Carlos stutters, declining, even though he’d love almost nothing more than hanging out with Kendall again. He’s not quite ready to have Kendall meet Eric, isn’t quite sure how Kendall will take it, doesn’t even know why he’s worrying about it anyway when Kendall’s made it clear he’s not interested.
“Ah, I see,” Kendall says, a look of distaste crossing his face. “Hanging out with that guy again, right?”
Carlos swallows repeatedly, eyes wide in shock. “How?” is all he’s able to get out, and he hopes Kendall’s able to understand what he’s asking because words are beyond him at this moment.
“Saw you guys by the pool,” Kendall says. “I’m just - just having a little trouble understanding.”
Carlos tilts his head to the side, unsure of what Kendall’s talking about.
“You, y’know, give me this spiel about how you’re perfect for me, making it seem like I’m the only one that can make you happy, when now, that doesn’t seem to be the case,” Kendall explains, shrugging his shoulders like absolutely none of this is bothering him, even though Carlos can see the restrained anger in Kendall’s eyes.
“What’s so wrong with me being interested in someone else, Kendall?” Carlos asks, hope flickering in his chest.
“Everything!” Kendall shouts, quickly getting ahold of himself and reining in his temper.
“No, you don’t get to do this, Kendall. I don’t know what your problem is, but I have to move on. Eric’s a good guy, and he does make me happy,” Carlos says, feeling anger surge through his veins, burning out the small ray of hope that was starting to bloom.
“That’s bull,” Kendall says, snorting. “Eric is not who you want or who you need. He’s not perfect for you, and no matter how much you want him to be, he never will be.”
Carlos really can’t believe what he’s hearing. He didn’t think Kendall would be such a dick about this.
“Yeah, well, what do you know, Mr. I Go On 50 Dates and Can’t Find Anyone I Like Enough to Date More Than Once?”
Carlos hates the little flicker of hurt he sees on Kendall’s face, but it’s gone in an instant, replaced with a stupid smirk Carlos wants to wipe off his face.
“I know plenty,” Kendall replies, still smirking. “I know who you want and I know who you need. I know who can make you happier than you’ve ever been and it sure as hell isn’t Eric.”
“Can you stop saying his name like that?” Carlos shouts. The way Kendall’s sneering Eric’s name is making Carlos’ temper flare even more than Kendall’s dickish attitude, but then the rest of Kendall’s words finally register, and that little ball of hope is making Carlos’ heart beat triple-time in his chest.
“Who?” he asks, holding his breath, almost afraid the answer isn’t going to be what he wants it to be.
“Me,” Kendall says, smirk replaced with a wide, dimpled smile. “I’m the one who’s perfect for you. I’m the one who can make you happy.”
Relief and happiness spread through Carlos, lips turning up into a smile, feeling so light he’s almost certain he could fly.
“Wait, wait,” Carlos says, a laugh bubbling up his throat. “You’re being a dick because you’re jealous?!”
And he can’t hold it anymore, laughing so hard he hunches over.
“Stop laughing!” Kendall exclaims. “It’s not funny!”
“No, dude, it’s hilarious,” Carlos says, wiping his eyes. “Have you ever tried having a conversation where your insane temper doesn’t get the better of you?”
“Wow, man, if this is how it’s gonna be, I take back everything I said.”
Carlos stops laughing instantly. “N-no, don’t do that. I’m only messing with you.”
“Hey, chill. I was kidding.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m just - I’m having a little trouble believing this is actually happening,” Carlos says, voice falling to a whisper. He’d pretty much given up on Kendall ever returning his feelings, was completely ready to move on even if he knew his heart would always belong to Kendall, but now, knowing that Kendall feels the same? It’s a little - a lot - overwhelming.
“It totally is, so you better start believing it,” Kendall says, offering up a smile.
It hits Carlos just then that Eric is still probably waiting for him, and, god, he has to go break up with him. Shit.
“I’ll uh - I’ll be right back,” Carlos says, setting his helmet and skateboard on the floor before quickly running out the door, forgoing the elevator and using the stairs.
Eric’s waiting for him on the sofa in the lobby, fiddling with the snap of his helmet strap.
Carlos approaches slowly, dread making his every step slower than the last.
“Hey, you’re late,” Eric says when Carlos sits on the sofa beside him.
“Yeah, about that,” Carlos says, looking down at his hands, folding them in his lap.
“Let me guess, you’re breaking up with me?”
“I’m sorry, Eric. You’re a great guy and I’ve had a lot of fun hanging out with you -”
“But you’re in love with someone else?” Eric interrupts, and when Carlos finally manages to look at him, Eric doesn’t look half as upset as Carlos expected. If anything, he looks a little happy.
“Yeah,” Carlos says. “Yeah, I am. How did you know?”
“You kind of talked about him a lot,” Eric replies. “I don’t think you ever really realized you were doing it, but it’d be a little thing here or a little thing there. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together,” he goes on to explain.
“Dang. That was kind of suckish of me, huh?” Carlos says, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck.
“Eh, just a little,” Eric says with a smile, taking the small sting out of his confirmation. “So, I’m guessing that now he’s onboard with the idea of the two of you being together?”
“Yeah, yeah, I think so,” Carlos says, unable to fight down the big smile that appears at the prospect of actually being together with Kendall.
“Hey, man, that’s great,” Eric says cheerfully, and Carlos knows he means it. “One thing, though,” he continues, “make him sweat a little. Y’know, don’t say yes right away. Make him work for it.”
Carlos scrunches up his face in confusion. “Wouldn’t that just drive him away, though?” he asks.
“If he’s serious about wanting to be with you, he won’t stop asking ‘til you say yes.”
It still doesn’t make much sense to Carlos. Why would he want to say no when everything he wants is right at his fingertips? The idea of having the upperhand, though, makes him grin. It’s not a bad idea entirely, but he’s still a little nervous about how it’ll work out.
“I mean, I guess I could try,” Carlos says, already knowing how hard it’s going to be saying no to Kendall. He kind of sucks at denying him anything.
“I hope it works out for you,” Eric says, and he reaches over to squeeze Carlos’ shoulder in support before he stands and walks away, giving Carlos one last wave before disappearing from sight.
Carlos is surprised at how easy that went, and he’s entirely grateful for how understanding and supporting Eric is. It helps him breathe a little easier knowing Eric wasn’t too hurt and upset over the breakup, giving him one less thing to worry about.
Now, to get his man. Or, to not get his man, then get his man. Whatever. He’s still confused about how it’ll all work out.
--
Kendall’s sitting on the sofa, confused as to where Carlos had to disappear off to so quickly. Whatever he was expecting to happen after his revelation certainly wasn’t that, and it makes him feel a little too nervous.
Maybe Carlos decided he didn’t really want to be with him, that Kendall’s display of irrational anger and jealousy just isn’t worth it?
Kendall sighs. He’s never felt so unsure and less than confident in his entire life.
Carlos enters the apartment quietly, and Kendall breathes out a sigh of relief at the sight of him.
“Where’d you go?” he asks, barely able to keep the nervousness thrumming through him from leaking out in his voice.
“I uh - I had some stuff I needed to take care of,” Carlos replies, vague as can be.
“Oh. So, everything’s good, then?”
“Yeah, everything’s good,” Carlos says.
Kendall waits for Carlos to move closer, confused when Carlos sits on the opposite end of the sofa. He doesn’t let it stop him, though, powering through the nerves buzzing under his skin.
“So, did you want to get dinner tonight?” he asks, heart pounding in his chest.
“I dunno. I think I’m just gonna stay in tonight,” Carlos says, completely blindsiding Kendall with his answer.
“What? Why?” Kendall asks, almost shouting.
“It’s been a long day and I’m tired,” Carlos replies, rubbing his eyes.
“Right, yeah,” Kendall says, and he tries to tamp down the flare of disappointment swirling in his gut. “Maybe tomorrow?” he asks, hopeful.
“Um, we’ll see,” Carlos replies, noncommittal. “I’m gonna take a nap. I’ll see you later.”
Kendall sits there confused, watching Carlos walk off in the direction of the bedrooms. He had thought Carlos would’ve leapt at the first moment he asked, and his less than enthusiastic attitude is throwing Kendall for a loop.
He decides he’ll ask again later; maybe Carlos really is just tired. It’s been quite an eventful day, filled with a rollercoaster of emotions, and, when he thinks about it, Kendall feels pretty drained himself.
Later, he tells himself, curling up on the sofa.
Later.
--
When Kendall wakes up, it’s already morning. He’s surprised at how long he slept, but he feels more rested than he has in a while.
Carlos is puttering around in the kitchen, trying to be quiet, but when his eyes meet Kendall’s, he drops the bowl he was reaching for, quickly crouching down to retrieve it.
“G’morning,” Kendall says when Carlos’ head pops back up.
“Morning,” Carlos replies, staring down at the bowl.
“Whatcha doing?” Kendall asks, sitting up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Just getting something to eat,” Carlos answer, shaking the box of cereal he’s holding in his hand.
“Give me a few minutes and we could go out somewhere to get something to eat,” Kendall suggests, already mentally running through the diners and restaurants he knows Carlos likes.
“No, that’s okay. I’m just gonna eat a bowl of cereal,” Carlos says, the sound of cereal hitting the bowl echoing through the brief quiet.
“Right, okay, then,” Kendall says, swallowing down every ounce of disappointment he feels. “I’m just gonna go shower, then.”
Kendall could not be more confused if he tried. He tries figuring out why Carlos keeps saying no while he showers, brushes his teeth, and dresses, but he’s no closer to the answer than he was before.
--
He tries again just before lunch, getting to Carlos just as he’s pulling out the fixings to make a sandwich.
“Hey, let’s go get lunch somewhere,” he says, standing across the counter from Carlos.
“Nah, just gonna make a sandwich,” Carlos replies, but Kendall can see it, the way Carlos wants to say yes, and he doesn’t understand why he keeps saying no if that’s the case.
“C’mon, it’ll be fun. We could do lunch, see a movie, then dinner?”
Carlos takes longer to reply, but the answer’s still no.
“Carlos, c’mon,” Kendall pleads, ready to stomp his foot and throw a tantrum like a child, pride be damned.
Carlos’ resolve is slowly chipping away, making Kendall want to pump his fist into the air in triumph. That’s quickly trampled over when Carlos declines again, focusing his full attention on fixing his lunch.
“Please?” Kendall asks, pushing his lips out into a pout, tilting his head down slightly and looking up at Carlos through his eyelashes.
Carlos freezes, squeezing his eyes shut, shoulders rising and falling with the deep breath he inhales and exhales.
“Okay,” he says softly, setting down the butterknife.
Kendall rounds the counter, intent on what he’s about to do, lips stretched wide into a smile at the soft, shy look on Carlos’ face.
“Yeah?” he asks, voice barely more than a whisper.
Carlos nods, eyes lit up. “You’re not off the hook yet, so don’t go thinking you’re completely forgiven,” he says, and Kendall stops in his tracks.
“What? Forgiven for what?” Kendall asks.
“For being such a jealous jerk,” Carlos replies, fighting back a smile. “And for making me wait so damn long,” he adds, quiet but firm.
“Have I said I’m sorry? Because I am,” Kendall says, stepping in closer to Carlos, backing him up until he’s up against the fridge.
“Apology noted,” Carlos say , voice tight, eyes wide, darting back and forth rapidly before he swallows hard and lets them lock on Kendall’s face. “But you’re still not off the hook.”
Kendall sighs, loud and dramatic. “Fine,” he says, rolling his eyes.
He takes the half a second Carlos isn’t paying attention to him and swoops in, cupping Carlos’ chin in one hand, holding his hip with the other, brushing their lips together, sweet and chaste, a feeling of just right zipping up his spine.
He feels more than hears Carlos sigh, a warm gust of breath across his lips, and then Carlos is kissing him back, soft and gentle, their lips moving together seamlessly.
Kendall pulls back, his eyes slowly fluttering open, Carlos doing the same.
“Dammit, Kendall,” Carlos says, and, okay, Kendall wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction.
“What? What’d I do wrong?” he asks, panicking.
“You just can’t let me be mad at you for two seconds, can you?” Carlos questions, shaking his head, but there’s a smile on his lips, so Kendall’s pretty sure he’s in the clear.
“Where’s the fun in that?” Kendall asks, leaning in, carefully bumping Carlos’ nose with his own, and it has the reaction Kendall was hoping for.
Carlos tilts his head up a bit, until their lips are not quite touching, lips brushing together as he speaks. “Yeah, being mad is overrated, anyway,” he says in a whisper, and then their lips are sliding together again, heat and happiness and absolute perfection bursting through Kendall’s veins.
Yeah, being mad is definitely overrated.