IM NOT OK INSIDE

[bigneff]

I'm a whirlwind of emotions as of recently. I don't know if I want things back the way they were or if it's better off the way it is. I do know that there are times when I get so fucking depressed about the whole thing that I cry. "Few things will change", that seems to be the quote of the month, but it's not true, things are a million times different. Yesterday is a prime example of what I mean by different. Things just change so drasticly from situation to situation, i wish there was consistancy. I wish I didn't feel like the only one hurting, the only one crying, the only one wishing for what was, and fearing what is to come.... I wish I could sleep alone in my own bed. I wish I had memories to hold onto. I want to come first, every time. I just want to scream "I'M SORRY!" until I'm forgiven for everything I ever did, everything I failed to do, and everything I'm going to do. I want to show how I've become a better person. I wish my flaws could be accepted.

I would give my life if you never had to feel pain again, just to see you smile forever. All i ever wanted to be was the one thig in your life that was always good, always made you smile. I wanted to be the greatest thing in your life, your inspiration, i wanted to be your reason.

I know song lyrics are cheesy, but it's how I feel.

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain