Beyond T'hy'la: Slash Analysis of the Star Trek: The Motion Picture Novel (2/2)
The Reunion
♥Kirk! The mere name made Spock groan inwardly as he remembered what it had cost him to turn away from that welcome. T’hy’la!♥
The novel doesn’t really deviate too much in this scene, so to recap, in chapter 13 Spock comes back to the Enterprise to find some answers from V’Ger about why he can’t get his shit together and complete kolinahr. There’s a little interesting pov from Decker who has heard of Kirk and Spock’s famous friendship and missions and when Spock arrives “his estimation of Kirk began slowly growing again toward what it had been in the past,” simply because Spock admired Kirk. Not much to say on that except I love outsider POVs on K/S and it’s clear that whatever happened between Kirk and Spock is not public knowledge. Hell, it seems that Decker doesn’t even realize that they’re not bffs anymore.
I find it interesting that Kirk’s reaction to Spock appearing on the bridge differs between the movie and the novel. We all know how Shatner does it in the movie, staring at Spock like he’s an angel descended from above, but he does something a little different in the novel-Kirk stares in amazement for just a moment and then reaches toward Spock with his hand outstretched (PDF 35). Considering all that we all know about the sensitivity of Vulcan hands and what the touching of hands means to Vulcans (*cough*kissing*cough*) this seems mighty fascinating. What was he planning on doing with that hand? Shake it? Unlikely, as we all know Vulcans use the ta’al to greet others and Kirk would know better than anyone that Vulcans do not like to touch. Conjecture? Kirk honestly thought that Spock returning meant that Spock was returning, his best friend and something more was coming back to him. Kirk was all ready for this to be the epic climax in which he and Spock run in a metaphorical field of flowers toward each other with romantic violins singing in the air and they kiss passionately, apologize between breaths, braid daisies in their hair, and Spock promises to never leave again.
But then Spock gives him the cold shoulder, and Kirk is confused and hurt. Yet even though this is not the reunion he wanted and Kirk is still at odds with Spock, he still sheds his dickishness like a second skin and from this point on in the novel, Kirk is no longer second-guessing himself or angsting about his state in life. He’s also suddenly friendlier to everyone, respecting Decker more, listen to McCoy fully, and in the movie he even winks at Chekov. Kirk states at the end of the chapter that, despite Spock’s off behavior, “Spock’s very presence did seem to promise that everything was soon to get better.” (PDF 36) Man, give the guy his Spocky back and he’s suddenly Mr. Ray of Sunshine.
In fact, I’m starting to think my conjectures aren’t really that far off, not in light of what comes after Kirk’s hopes of becoming space married right then and there are dashed when Spock coolly dismisses him. You might want to sit down for this one.
Although Kirk had been as dumbfounded as the others, he was pleased to note that he had recovered first and was now handling all this with some degree of command presence. But it still felt painful to be reminded so powerfully and unexpectedly of his friendship and affection for Spock-theirs had been the touching of two minds which the old poets of Spock’s home planet had proclaimed as superior even to the wild physical love which affected Vulcans every seventh year during pon farr. However, Spock’s new demeanor warned Kirk to stay clear of personal considerations for the moment. (PDF 35)
That is just…delicious. First off, there’s that word ‘affection’ again. Remember that word from Operation-Annihilate! in the scene in the science lab when McCoy had to fish around for it to describe Kirk and Spock’s relationship? But more importantly-the touching of two minds. Ancient poets of Vulcan. Superior to pon farr. Ladies and gentlemen, this is quite possibly the gayest paragraph ever to be written. Not only is Roddenberry bringing up pon farr in relation to Kirk and Spock, but he puts their relationship above that. Yes, I understand that sex is just sex and love in general is better than physical release, but then there’s the part where he added the touching of two minds. He is specifically speaking not on a human level, but on a Vulcan level-an ancient Vulcan level, at that. Vulcans consider the mind to be sacred, and so ‘the touching of two minds’ is not just a human euphemism for any old strong connection in this paragraph’s context. Also, let’s not forget that this is Kirk’s POV, so it’s fascinating that Kirk’s mind just goes there, immediately connects their relationship to the poetry of ancient Vulcan and being above physical love. He also has to clear his mind of these “personal considerations”, and really, there are about a thousand ways to reword this entire paragraph and make it less gay. I’d flail less about this, but come on-pon farr is all about marriage and bonding and extreme fuck-or-die ultimatums, not just rubbing a few bits together. It’s an ancient biological drive that goes beyond logic, goes back to the time when violent emotions almost destroyed the Vulcan race. Plus, there was the part where Spock heard Kirk’s goddamn thoughts across 16 light years, so the ‘touching of two minds’ has already been shown to be quite literal in this narrative. Really, are some fans so off base when they speculate that Kirk and Spock shared some sort of bond prior to this point in time? I certainly give some credence to that interpretation.
Moving on (very reluctantly and on shaky legs), their reunion ends almost the same as in the movie, but the book adds a little twist to it (emphasis mine).
Kirk could see a pattern emerging; except as duty situations required, Spock obviously intended to completely and impartially ignore every member of this starship’s crew. The reasons for that might turn out to be as interesting as whatever it was that brought him here. Perhaps as painful, too. Kirk decided that it would not hurt Spock to be reminded that pain could be two-edged.
He waited until the Vulcan was in mid-step into the waiting turbolift. Then:
“Mister Spock! Welcome aboard.”
Spock hesitated for an instant-Kirk knew that his voice had carried enough sincerity to call forth a memory or two in the Vulcan’s mind. But although he had hesitated for an instant, Spock continued into the turbolift. (PDF 36)
Remember what I said about Kirk being nicer to everyone? Well, I wasn’t telling the whole story. I meant to say that Kirk is treating everyone nicer except Spock. When I watched the movie, I just thought that by Kirk getting Spock’s attention and saying, ‘Welcome aboard,’ he was giving a confused, last-ditch effort to get some emotion out of Spock, to make sure that Spock really was bent on ignoring everyone and being an ice prince. Except here Kirk is explicitly doing it to lash out at Spock. Guys, Kirk is being petty, is acting exactly as a jilted lover would act upon seeing their ex-space boyfriend after three years apart and then being ignored by them. Thank god there isn’t much left to go over, because my mind can’t take much more of this shit.
Sit the fuck down, Spock
Before we get to Kirk and McCoy interviewing Spock, there’s an entire scene that takes place right after Spock returns in which we get to see inside Spock’s head. Spock goes to meditate, his emotions out of whack from seeing everyone again. As he goes to an area of the ship where there are private places for people to go and meditate and such, Spock accidentally hears a couple starting to have sex and he scoffs at the human need to “continually rub this and that part of their bodies together.” (PDF 37) While I don’t see any real connection to K/S here, I’m just amused that it’s not sex in particular that annoys Spock, but that humans do it while rational and even talk during it. I think this confirms that Spock has never had sex when he was not drugged or out of his mind, since he still associates the act with pon farr insanity. In canon we know for certain he had sex with Zarabeth and we can assume he had sex with Leila, but we also know that in both instances he was not fully conscious of what he was doing. So in my personal canon, I don’t think Kirk and Spock had sex before this point, though I’m willing to accept that maybe something sexual did happen and there’s an interesting story here about why it drove them apart and made Spock have such a negative view of human relations.
Also, we get the second and best use of t’hy’la as Spock thinks of all the emotions he’s going through and is bemoaning the fact that it looks like kolinahr did precisely jack shit.
And on the bridge-Kirk! The mere name made Spock groan inwardly as he remembered what it had cost him to turn away from that welcome. T’hy’la! (PDF 37)
Dude, Roddenberry, if you’re trying not to make us connect t’hy’la with unbridled romance, you are failing hard. Glossing over the part where thinking of Kirk’s name makes Spock groan, Spock uses t’hy’la in a different way than he does the first time. That time it was more like a title, like saying ‘my brother’ or ‘my friend’. This time it’s an exclamation and while you can say that he’s exclaiming ‘brother!’ or ‘friend!’ the fact that he says it cost him so damn much to turn away and the fact that he has already exclaimed ‘Kirk’ makes it much more of a romantic utterance. I mean, it seems weird to exclaim the same meaning twice, doesn’t it? Replace t’hy’la with Kirk again. Kirk! Kirk! That would be the gist of the sentiment using t’hy’la in a normal, non-romantic manner, which is awkward and needless repetition. Now replace t’hy’la with ‘my love!’ See the difference?
Now we get to the last major K/S scene before The Sickbay Scene, the scene in which Kirk and McCoy talk to Spock in the observation lounge, and dear lord is it a doozy. That attitude Kirk sports when Spock gives him the cold shoulder on the bridge? Yeah, it hasn’t left. The movie has an entirely different tone, featuring Kirk still riding the high of Spock coming back, talking about how he needs him and looking like a kicked puppy when Spock responds to that by saying, “Then my presence is to our mutual advantage.” In the novel, Kirk is less like a kicked puppy and more like a stray dog growling at someone who took food away from him. I mean it, the novel may as well be the mirroverse because of how differently the scene plays out. Spock walks in, announces that he is reporting as ordered, and this happens:
“Sit down, please,” Kirk said.
Spock remained standing. “Sir, I would appreciate Dr. McCoy absenting himself from this interview.”
McCoy saw Kirk’s look harden. “I want him here,” Kirk said. “Sit down!”
This was unmistakably given as an order-even then, for a moment, it looked as if Spock would refuse. Finally, he sat, but formally, rigidly, his eyes centered on the captain alone. (PDF 38)
I had to really emphasize that order to sit the fuck down. Not only does Spock not sit down when he’s asked nicely, he wants McCoy to leave like he has any right to ask Kirk for anything after being a douchebag extraordinaire. Kirk doesn’t ask again-he fucking orders Spock to sit the fuck down and-get this-Spock actually waits a minute before sitting. We all get that Kirk is angry and upset with Spock, but what is this? Spock is clearly rebelling a little, and he does it even as Kirk is being polite and asking him to sit. Doesn’t this just scream that something happened between Kirk and Spock, or at least that there is a whole story not being mentioned but constantly alluded to? It’s clear that Spock cares about Kirk deeply. He called him t’hy’la; he finds it hard to turn away from his greeting; and up until this point, he hasn’t shown one iota of hard feeling or reluctance to interact with Kirk aside from it being difficult to be around him and maintain his Vulcan shields. I’m willing to bet that, now that Spock is constantly faced with Kirk and his control is cracking, he’s feeling a little resentful of Kirk for having that kind of power over him. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
So the scene putters on a bit, Spock telling them that he felt a consciousness and we all know it’s V’Ger and Spock is trying his damndest to ignore McCoy’s needling, but then we shockingly stumble over the proverbial pot o’ gold when Kirk asks Spock if that was the only thing that Spock sensed on Vulcan. Oh boy. Now that you’ve just started recuperating from all the shaking and crying this particular topic provoked the first time it occurred, I bring to you the promised continuation of my abruptly abandoned paragraph from earlier.
“Is that all of it so far?” asked Kirk. “Two mind contacts with something out here? Nothing more?”
Spock wished Kirk’s question had not been asked so broadly.
“On Vulcan, I seemed for a moment to be also sensing your thoughts, Captain. It felt as if you were wondering whether the Klingon cruisers and crews were actually destroyed . . . or had been converted into exhibits of some sort.”
Kirk’s expression told McCoy there had indeed been such a thought-although this surprised McCoy much less than the fact that Spock had admitted sensing it, considering his present unfriendliness. It was common knowledge that telepathic rapport between Vulcan and human was possible only in cases of extraordinarily close friendship. (PDF 38)
I…what…who can even…SHIT DAMN. That wasn’t just a little slip of Roddenberry’s, oh no. He is mentioning Spock sensing Kirk’s mind from millions of miles away again, just to make sure we don’t forget it. And just like the ‘lover’ part of t’hy’la, Roddenberry doesn’t have to include it in the first place, let alone bring it up a second time. It literally serves no purpose to the main plot-this plot tidbit isn’t seen in the movie, possibly because it’s so glaringly G-A-Y. Also, notice that if one of them were a girl, this might have been included in the movie because it’s so obviously following the romantic story pattern: boy hears the thoughts of his soulmate across a great distance, and then later when faced with his love, he reveals what happened. It’s in McCoy’s POV which is another telling sign because I know that if I were to covertly inject such steamy subtext into a book, I’d make sure that a third person is interpreting the events because the romantic pairing is too busy thinking of how much they long for the other. But McCoy’s reaction is in itself juicy because by showing surprise, he informs the reader that this is an intimate moment that connects the two. Spock didn’t read just anyone’s thoughts-he read Kirk’s. Also, extraordinarily close friendship? Just how close do you need to be to not only hear the thoughts of another but from 16 light years away? Notice that McCoy doesn’t say telepathic rapport from a great distance, but just telepathic rapport, meaning that any telepathic report at all between a Vulcan and a human is rare. Imagine just how rare and special it must be to not only have the rapport needed for telepathic oneness but to share minds over such a distance. And remember when I mentioned earlier that Kirk treats this information rather blithely, “casually?” Don’t you think it’s rather odd that he’s not showing a lot of surprise? McCoy sure is acting shocked, but Kirk is treating this like it’s perfectly natural that Spock would sense his thoughts from such a distance.
After all that, we get even more tension between the two.
“I heard you went to Gol after you left,” Kirk said. “Were you studying with the Vulcan Masters?
“That question invades my personal life, Captain.” (PDF 38)
So Kirk didn’t know where the fuck Spock went and had to hear from someone else? Damn, saying Spock left “abruptly” is not exaggerating. No damn wonder Kirk is upset-he’d be pissed if it had been McCoy fucking off with no warning or hint of where he went too. By the way, note that Kirk knows about the Vulcan Masters. Nothing too major, just that Kirk either knows Vulcan society well enough to make the leap or as soon as he heard anything about Spock he researched the area and culture. Then there’s Spock telling Kirk in his own Spockian way to mind his own fucking business. This coming from the same Vulcan who once disclosed the mortifying secret of pon farr to Kirk. Oh, how far we’ve gone from normal.
Then this happens:
“Isn’t it lucky we happened to be going your way,” said McCoy.
“Let it drop, Bones,” Kirk said. But he continued, to Spock: “You are my science officer-I’ll expect an immediate report on anything further you learn or *sense* from here on.”
“I have accepted service here as a Starfleet officer,” said Spock, stiffly.
Kirk nodded, accepting the rebuke. “This has been painful for me, too. Thank you.” (PDF 38)
Just look at this language. Kirk snidely emphasizes ‘sense’ like he’s reacting in a personal manner to Spock caring more about getting answers from the intruder than helping out his old friends and colleagues. Spock responds stiffly, the text confirming that Spock is admonishing Kirk for questioning his loyalty, though later he does go rogue. Kirk acknowledges that this was painful for him. He…acknowledges that it was painful. For both of them. Because…oh Christ on a bike, must I spell out the awkward tension and how they’re trying not to talk about how Spock ran away three years ago after Kirk sucked his cock at the end-of-mission fiesta?
The Sickbay Scene
We skip through a lot of stuff that’s in the movie, and really it’s just a lot of build up for the obvious Kirk/Spock, Decker/Ilia parallel. One thing to movie doesn’t mention about Deltans is that when they have sex, their minds join with their mates and humans incapacitated by the joining. I’d go on about this but spookyfbi did an amazing job, but really it’s so easy to see that Decker is Kirk, Kirk even acknowledging how alike they are a zillion times, and Ilia is like the sexy version of Spock, all with telepathy and being alien and having strange mating practices.
But there’s a fascinating addition during the part where Spock mind melds with V’Ger in chapter 24. It goes into V’Ger’s POV, and get this: the damn thing barely registers Spock mind melding with it (PDF 64). Now, if the intruder had been interested in Spock’s mind and connecting with humans, it would recognize Spock as the dude it had sensed earlier instantly. Nope, Spock isn’t thinking of Kirk and there’s no emotion of that sort being broadcast, so V’Ger doesn’t give two shits about this tiny speck of carbon molecules bugging it. Eventually it does remember that this is Spock from earlier, but it thinks ‘meh’ and only lets Spock live because his mind is a little more orderly than the rest of the parasites and hey, it can always kill him after it figures out what the fuck he’s doing. And now that we’ve established that, let’s turn our squee up to eleven: in a sort-of humorous scene, V’Ger is confused at what Decker is doing to the Ilia-probe, and we know he’s having sex with it. That means that Spock is ignored in favor of figuring out why the probe is experiencing all these emotions. It then goes on to show V’Ger’s thoughts, about how it’s feeling all these new things and how it’s searching for answers, much like our intrepid hero Spock is doing. V’Ger doesn’t even register Spock’s mind and only notices that he almost ceases functioning, further driving home the point that it’s not Spock’s mind it wants, but that emotion Spock was feeling.
We end the meld and we cut to Kirk coming after Spock in a space suit, and the movie does it much, much better because in the book we cut from Kirk hovering in space waiting for Spock to the sickbay, so we don’t get the highly romantic scene of Kirk holding his space husband in his arms, but I’m sure you don’t mind because WE’VE MADE IT, WE’RE AT THE SICKBAY SCENE. Now watch as Kirk and Spock become a couple right in front of your very eyes! For this, I shall start by quoting the actual hand grabbing and Spock declaring his love for Kirk, in so many words:
Spock laughed again. Then he saw Kirk’s face. He reached out weakly and found Kirk’s arm, then his hand, and took a startled Kirk’s hand in his own.
“Jim,” Spock said.
McCoy looked his astonishment at the visible and unashamed emotion on Spock’s face as he clutched Kirk’s hand.
Kirk returned the pressure and brought his other hand to cover Spock’s, holding it between both of his, signaling Spock that there was no shame in either giving or in answering fully.
“This simple feeling . . . “-Spock struggled for strength-” . . . is so far . . . beyond Vejur’s comprehension . . . ” (PDF 66)
First of all, note the use of the word ‘shame’ and ‘unashamed’. Earlier in this essay when I quoted the scene of Spock failing to achieve kolinahr, the word ‘shame’ is used, that time because Spock had an emotional reaction to Kirk and it shamed him. Now he’s unashamed. Remember in The Naked Time when Spock told Kirk that when he felt friendship for Kirk, he was ‘ashamed?’ For the first time in his life, Spock is unashamed to feel whatever he wants, and it’s all centers around Kirk. In an upgrade from the movie, Kirk, knowing Spock better than anyone in the universe, doesn’t hesitate to grab Spock’s hand and immediately holds it between his own. Can you imagine the inner life of this character right now? It has been an uphill battle with Kirk for years, constantly reaching out to Spock and falling back when Spock steps out of reach, and now Spock is letting himself acknowledge this thing between them, this love, and he wants to make sure Spock knows that it’s okay, he’s here for Spock and Spock can come to him without shame or fear. MY HEART IS BEATING ITS WAY OUT OF MY RIBCAGE OVER THESE TWO.
Now let’s move on to the fact that Kirk and Spock hold hands for much longer than in the movie. In the movie, we get the condensed version of Spock’s revelation whereas in the book it goes on to have McCoy join in the convo and discuss V’Ger some. Not only do they hold hands a little longer, but we get to see what Spock is thinking, and note that they’ve been holding hands for quite a while at this point.
Spock felt himself clinging to Kirk’s hand-he was both shocked and pleased to feel such profound pain over the timeless, meaningless existences he had seen among the machines on that planet. They should not have been built so well and left there to exist without the capacity to know hunger or fear or loneliness or anger or any of those marvelous things that would have driven them to adjust their programming to fit their own needs. How important it was to a living thing to have needs! (PDF 66)
#clinging to Kirk’s hand #clinging to Kirk’s hand #clinging to Kirk’s hand
Oh, Spock, I just bet you have needs! And just like in the movie, Spock is amazed that V’Ger has no answers. V’Ger isn’t concerned with Spock and has no answers for him. V’Ger and Spock are both asking questions, and both end up finding the same answer: love. This is the heart of the story. Kirk and Spock are deluding themselves through this entire novel. Kirk believes that what he’s missing is command of the Enterprise, yet when he gets it he’s no happier than he was before. Spock tries to erase his human half and goes searching for answers to achieve this goal, not realizing that the answer was right in front of him the whole time. This whole story is about two idiot men who can’t own up to their feelings and instead try to find substitutes for the thing they really want. They really are perfect for each other, aren’t they?
Wrapping up
Fittingly, the sickbay scene is where I stop because the rest of the novel ends pretty much the same as the movie. V’Ger finds its own answer in Decker and Ilia’s love, experiencing love and being able to “join with its creator” and Kirk and Spock, presumably, celebrate the end of this mission with hours christening the captain’s quarters with marathon interspecies sex. The only cute thing the movie leaves out is at the very end when Kirk says that he wants to go “out there, thataway!” and Spock responds in the novel, “Quite logical, Captain.” (PDF 77) I wish they would have kept that because it’s clearly not logical to point and go wherever, and it’s a clear indication that Spock has changed fundamentally, setting us up for this new Spock who can freely joke, exaggerate, guess, cheat, and imply.
Later Spock will say to his half-brother Sybok, “I am not the outcast boy you left behind those many years ago. Since that time I found myself and my place and I know who I am.” This is the story of how he found what he was missing in himself, and the key to that self-awareness is Kirk. That same key is passed down years and years later, when Spock (now Spock Prime) gives it to his younger counterpart in Hangar 1.
“Then why did you send Kirk aboard, when you alone could have explained the truth?”
“Because, you needed each other. I could not deprive you of the revelation of all that you could accomplish together. Of a friendship, that would define you both, in ways you cannot yet realize.”
♥Kirk! The mere name made Spock groan inwardly as he remembered what it had cost him to turn away from that welcome. T’hy’la!♥
The novel doesn’t really deviate too much in this scene, so to recap, in chapter 13 Spock comes back to the Enterprise to find some answers from V’Ger about why he can’t get his shit together and complete kolinahr. There’s a little interesting pov from Decker who has heard of Kirk and Spock’s famous friendship and missions and when Spock arrives “his estimation of Kirk began slowly growing again toward what it had been in the past,” simply because Spock admired Kirk. Not much to say on that except I love outsider POVs on K/S and it’s clear that whatever happened between Kirk and Spock is not public knowledge. Hell, it seems that Decker doesn’t even realize that they’re not bffs anymore.
I find it interesting that Kirk’s reaction to Spock appearing on the bridge differs between the movie and the novel. We all know how Shatner does it in the movie, staring at Spock like he’s an angel descended from above, but he does something a little different in the novel-Kirk stares in amazement for just a moment and then reaches toward Spock with his hand outstretched (PDF 35). Considering all that we all know about the sensitivity of Vulcan hands and what the touching of hands means to Vulcans (*cough*kissing*cough*) this seems mighty fascinating. What was he planning on doing with that hand? Shake it? Unlikely, as we all know Vulcans use the ta’al to greet others and Kirk would know better than anyone that Vulcans do not like to touch. Conjecture? Kirk honestly thought that Spock returning meant that Spock was returning, his best friend and something more was coming back to him. Kirk was all ready for this to be the epic climax in which he and Spock run in a metaphorical field of flowers toward each other with romantic violins singing in the air and they kiss passionately, apologize between breaths, braid daisies in their hair, and Spock promises to never leave again.
But then Spock gives him the cold shoulder, and Kirk is confused and hurt. Yet even though this is not the reunion he wanted and Kirk is still at odds with Spock, he still sheds his dickishness like a second skin and from this point on in the novel, Kirk is no longer second-guessing himself or angsting about his state in life. He’s also suddenly friendlier to everyone, respecting Decker more, listen to McCoy fully, and in the movie he even winks at Chekov. Kirk states at the end of the chapter that, despite Spock’s off behavior, “Spock’s very presence did seem to promise that everything was soon to get better.” (PDF 36) Man, give the guy his Spocky back and he’s suddenly Mr. Ray of Sunshine.
In fact, I’m starting to think my conjectures aren’t really that far off, not in light of what comes after Kirk’s hopes of becoming space married right then and there are dashed when Spock coolly dismisses him. You might want to sit down for this one.
Although Kirk had been as dumbfounded as the others, he was pleased to note that he had recovered first and was now handling all this with some degree of command presence. But it still felt painful to be reminded so powerfully and unexpectedly of his friendship and affection for Spock-theirs had been the touching of two minds which the old poets of Spock’s home planet had proclaimed as superior even to the wild physical love which affected Vulcans every seventh year during pon farr. However, Spock’s new demeanor warned Kirk to stay clear of personal considerations for the moment. (PDF 35)
That is just…delicious. First off, there’s that word ‘affection’ again. Remember that word from Operation-Annihilate! in the scene in the science lab when McCoy had to fish around for it to describe Kirk and Spock’s relationship? But more importantly-the touching of two minds. Ancient poets of Vulcan. Superior to pon farr. Ladies and gentlemen, this is quite possibly the gayest paragraph ever to be written. Not only is Roddenberry bringing up pon farr in relation to Kirk and Spock, but he puts their relationship above that. Yes, I understand that sex is just sex and love in general is better than physical release, but then there’s the part where he added the touching of two minds. He is specifically speaking not on a human level, but on a Vulcan level-an ancient Vulcan level, at that. Vulcans consider the mind to be sacred, and so ‘the touching of two minds’ is not just a human euphemism for any old strong connection in this paragraph’s context. Also, let’s not forget that this is Kirk’s POV, so it’s fascinating that Kirk’s mind just goes there, immediately connects their relationship to the poetry of ancient Vulcan and being above physical love. He also has to clear his mind of these “personal considerations”, and really, there are about a thousand ways to reword this entire paragraph and make it less gay. I’d flail less about this, but come on-pon farr is all about marriage and bonding and extreme fuck-or-die ultimatums, not just rubbing a few bits together. It’s an ancient biological drive that goes beyond logic, goes back to the time when violent emotions almost destroyed the Vulcan race. Plus, there was the part where Spock heard Kirk’s goddamn thoughts across 16 light years, so the ‘touching of two minds’ has already been shown to be quite literal in this narrative. Really, are some fans so off base when they speculate that Kirk and Spock shared some sort of bond prior to this point in time? I certainly give some credence to that interpretation.
Moving on (very reluctantly and on shaky legs), their reunion ends almost the same as in the movie, but the book adds a little twist to it (emphasis mine).
Kirk could see a pattern emerging; except as duty situations required, Spock obviously intended to completely and impartially ignore every member of this starship’s crew. The reasons for that might turn out to be as interesting as whatever it was that brought him here. Perhaps as painful, too. Kirk decided that it would not hurt Spock to be reminded that pain could be two-edged.
He waited until the Vulcan was in mid-step into the waiting turbolift. Then:
“Mister Spock! Welcome aboard.”
Spock hesitated for an instant-Kirk knew that his voice had carried enough sincerity to call forth a memory or two in the Vulcan’s mind. But although he had hesitated for an instant, Spock continued into the turbolift. (PDF 36)
Remember what I said about Kirk being nicer to everyone? Well, I wasn’t telling the whole story. I meant to say that Kirk is treating everyone nicer except Spock. When I watched the movie, I just thought that by Kirk getting Spock’s attention and saying, ‘Welcome aboard,’ he was giving a confused, last-ditch effort to get some emotion out of Spock, to make sure that Spock really was bent on ignoring everyone and being an ice prince. Except here Kirk is explicitly doing it to lash out at Spock. Guys, Kirk is being petty, is acting exactly as a jilted lover would act upon seeing their ex-space boyfriend after three years apart and then being ignored by them. Thank god there isn’t much left to go over, because my mind can’t take much more of this shit.
Sit the fuck down, Spock
Before we get to Kirk and McCoy interviewing Spock, there’s an entire scene that takes place right after Spock returns in which we get to see inside Spock’s head. Spock goes to meditate, his emotions out of whack from seeing everyone again. As he goes to an area of the ship where there are private places for people to go and meditate and such, Spock accidentally hears a couple starting to have sex and he scoffs at the human need to “continually rub this and that part of their bodies together.” (PDF 37) While I don’t see any real connection to K/S here, I’m just amused that it’s not sex in particular that annoys Spock, but that humans do it while rational and even talk during it. I think this confirms that Spock has never had sex when he was not drugged or out of his mind, since he still associates the act with pon farr insanity. In canon we know for certain he had sex with Zarabeth and we can assume he had sex with Leila, but we also know that in both instances he was not fully conscious of what he was doing. So in my personal canon, I don’t think Kirk and Spock had sex before this point, though I’m willing to accept that maybe something sexual did happen and there’s an interesting story here about why it drove them apart and made Spock have such a negative view of human relations.
Also, we get the second and best use of t’hy’la as Spock thinks of all the emotions he’s going through and is bemoaning the fact that it looks like kolinahr did precisely jack shit.
And on the bridge-Kirk! The mere name made Spock groan inwardly as he remembered what it had cost him to turn away from that welcome. T’hy’la! (PDF 37)
Dude, Roddenberry, if you’re trying not to make us connect t’hy’la with unbridled romance, you are failing hard. Glossing over the part where thinking of Kirk’s name makes Spock groan, Spock uses t’hy’la in a different way than he does the first time. That time it was more like a title, like saying ‘my brother’ or ‘my friend’. This time it’s an exclamation and while you can say that he’s exclaiming ‘brother!’ or ‘friend!’ the fact that he says it cost him so damn much to turn away and the fact that he has already exclaimed ‘Kirk’ makes it much more of a romantic utterance. I mean, it seems weird to exclaim the same meaning twice, doesn’t it? Replace t’hy’la with Kirk again. Kirk! Kirk! That would be the gist of the sentiment using t’hy’la in a normal, non-romantic manner, which is awkward and needless repetition. Now replace t’hy’la with ‘my love!’ See the difference?
Now we get to the last major K/S scene before The Sickbay Scene, the scene in which Kirk and McCoy talk to Spock in the observation lounge, and dear lord is it a doozy. That attitude Kirk sports when Spock gives him the cold shoulder on the bridge? Yeah, it hasn’t left. The movie has an entirely different tone, featuring Kirk still riding the high of Spock coming back, talking about how he needs him and looking like a kicked puppy when Spock responds to that by saying, “Then my presence is to our mutual advantage.” In the novel, Kirk is less like a kicked puppy and more like a stray dog growling at someone who took food away from him. I mean it, the novel may as well be the mirroverse because of how differently the scene plays out. Spock walks in, announces that he is reporting as ordered, and this happens:
“Sit down, please,” Kirk said.
Spock remained standing. “Sir, I would appreciate Dr. McCoy absenting himself from this interview.”
McCoy saw Kirk’s look harden. “I want him here,” Kirk said. “Sit down!”
This was unmistakably given as an order-even then, for a moment, it looked as if Spock would refuse. Finally, he sat, but formally, rigidly, his eyes centered on the captain alone. (PDF 38)
I had to really emphasize that order to sit the fuck down. Not only does Spock not sit down when he’s asked nicely, he wants McCoy to leave like he has any right to ask Kirk for anything after being a douchebag extraordinaire. Kirk doesn’t ask again-he fucking orders Spock to sit the fuck down and-get this-Spock actually waits a minute before sitting. We all get that Kirk is angry and upset with Spock, but what is this? Spock is clearly rebelling a little, and he does it even as Kirk is being polite and asking him to sit. Doesn’t this just scream that something happened between Kirk and Spock, or at least that there is a whole story not being mentioned but constantly alluded to? It’s clear that Spock cares about Kirk deeply. He called him t’hy’la; he finds it hard to turn away from his greeting; and up until this point, he hasn’t shown one iota of hard feeling or reluctance to interact with Kirk aside from it being difficult to be around him and maintain his Vulcan shields. I’m willing to bet that, now that Spock is constantly faced with Kirk and his control is cracking, he’s feeling a little resentful of Kirk for having that kind of power over him. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
So the scene putters on a bit, Spock telling them that he felt a consciousness and we all know it’s V’Ger and Spock is trying his damndest to ignore McCoy’s needling, but then we shockingly stumble over the proverbial pot o’ gold when Kirk asks Spock if that was the only thing that Spock sensed on Vulcan. Oh boy. Now that you’ve just started recuperating from all the shaking and crying this particular topic provoked the first time it occurred, I bring to you the promised continuation of my abruptly abandoned paragraph from earlier.
“Is that all of it so far?” asked Kirk. “Two mind contacts with something out here? Nothing more?”
Spock wished Kirk’s question had not been asked so broadly.
“On Vulcan, I seemed for a moment to be also sensing your thoughts, Captain. It felt as if you were wondering whether the Klingon cruisers and crews were actually destroyed . . . or had been converted into exhibits of some sort.”
Kirk’s expression told McCoy there had indeed been such a thought-although this surprised McCoy much less than the fact that Spock had admitted sensing it, considering his present unfriendliness. It was common knowledge that telepathic rapport between Vulcan and human was possible only in cases of extraordinarily close friendship. (PDF 38)
I…what…who can even…SHIT DAMN. That wasn’t just a little slip of Roddenberry’s, oh no. He is mentioning Spock sensing Kirk’s mind from millions of miles away again, just to make sure we don’t forget it. And just like the ‘lover’ part of t’hy’la, Roddenberry doesn’t have to include it in the first place, let alone bring it up a second time. It literally serves no purpose to the main plot-this plot tidbit isn’t seen in the movie, possibly because it’s so glaringly G-A-Y. Also, notice that if one of them were a girl, this might have been included in the movie because it’s so obviously following the romantic story pattern: boy hears the thoughts of his soulmate across a great distance, and then later when faced with his love, he reveals what happened. It’s in McCoy’s POV which is another telling sign because I know that if I were to covertly inject such steamy subtext into a book, I’d make sure that a third person is interpreting the events because the romantic pairing is too busy thinking of how much they long for the other. But McCoy’s reaction is in itself juicy because by showing surprise, he informs the reader that this is an intimate moment that connects the two. Spock didn’t read just anyone’s thoughts-he read Kirk’s. Also, extraordinarily close friendship? Just how close do you need to be to not only hear the thoughts of another but from 16 light years away? Notice that McCoy doesn’t say telepathic rapport from a great distance, but just telepathic rapport, meaning that any telepathic report at all between a Vulcan and a human is rare. Imagine just how rare and special it must be to not only have the rapport needed for telepathic oneness but to share minds over such a distance. And remember when I mentioned earlier that Kirk treats this information rather blithely, “casually?” Don’t you think it’s rather odd that he’s not showing a lot of surprise? McCoy sure is acting shocked, but Kirk is treating this like it’s perfectly natural that Spock would sense his thoughts from such a distance.
After all that, we get even more tension between the two.
“I heard you went to Gol after you left,” Kirk said. “Were you studying with the Vulcan Masters?
“That question invades my personal life, Captain.” (PDF 38)
So Kirk didn’t know where the fuck Spock went and had to hear from someone else? Damn, saying Spock left “abruptly” is not exaggerating. No damn wonder Kirk is upset-he’d be pissed if it had been McCoy fucking off with no warning or hint of where he went too. By the way, note that Kirk knows about the Vulcan Masters. Nothing too major, just that Kirk either knows Vulcan society well enough to make the leap or as soon as he heard anything about Spock he researched the area and culture. Then there’s Spock telling Kirk in his own Spockian way to mind his own fucking business. This coming from the same Vulcan who once disclosed the mortifying secret of pon farr to Kirk. Oh, how far we’ve gone from normal.
Then this happens:
“Isn’t it lucky we happened to be going your way,” said McCoy.
“Let it drop, Bones,” Kirk said. But he continued, to Spock: “You are my science officer-I’ll expect an immediate report on anything further you learn or *sense* from here on.”
“I have accepted service here as a Starfleet officer,” said Spock, stiffly.
Kirk nodded, accepting the rebuke. “This has been painful for me, too. Thank you.” (PDF 38)
Just look at this language. Kirk snidely emphasizes ‘sense’ like he’s reacting in a personal manner to Spock caring more about getting answers from the intruder than helping out his old friends and colleagues. Spock responds stiffly, the text confirming that Spock is admonishing Kirk for questioning his loyalty, though later he does go rogue. Kirk acknowledges that this was painful for him. He…acknowledges that it was painful. For both of them. Because…oh Christ on a bike, must I spell out the awkward tension and how they’re trying not to talk about how Spock ran away three years ago after Kirk sucked his cock at the end-of-mission fiesta?
The Sickbay Scene
We skip through a lot of stuff that’s in the movie, and really it’s just a lot of build up for the obvious Kirk/Spock, Decker/Ilia parallel. One thing to movie doesn’t mention about Deltans is that when they have sex, their minds join with their mates and humans incapacitated by the joining. I’d go on about this but spookyfbi did an amazing job, but really it’s so easy to see that Decker is Kirk, Kirk even acknowledging how alike they are a zillion times, and Ilia is like the sexy version of Spock, all with telepathy and being alien and having strange mating practices.
But there’s a fascinating addition during the part where Spock mind melds with V’Ger in chapter 24. It goes into V’Ger’s POV, and get this: the damn thing barely registers Spock mind melding with it (PDF 64). Now, if the intruder had been interested in Spock’s mind and connecting with humans, it would recognize Spock as the dude it had sensed earlier instantly. Nope, Spock isn’t thinking of Kirk and there’s no emotion of that sort being broadcast, so V’Ger doesn’t give two shits about this tiny speck of carbon molecules bugging it. Eventually it does remember that this is Spock from earlier, but it thinks ‘meh’ and only lets Spock live because his mind is a little more orderly than the rest of the parasites and hey, it can always kill him after it figures out what the fuck he’s doing. And now that we’ve established that, let’s turn our squee up to eleven: in a sort-of humorous scene, V’Ger is confused at what Decker is doing to the Ilia-probe, and we know he’s having sex with it. That means that Spock is ignored in favor of figuring out why the probe is experiencing all these emotions. It then goes on to show V’Ger’s thoughts, about how it’s feeling all these new things and how it’s searching for answers, much like our intrepid hero Spock is doing. V’Ger doesn’t even register Spock’s mind and only notices that he almost ceases functioning, further driving home the point that it’s not Spock’s mind it wants, but that emotion Spock was feeling.
We end the meld and we cut to Kirk coming after Spock in a space suit, and the movie does it much, much better because in the book we cut from Kirk hovering in space waiting for Spock to the sickbay, so we don’t get the highly romantic scene of Kirk holding his space husband in his arms, but I’m sure you don’t mind because WE’VE MADE IT, WE’RE AT THE SICKBAY SCENE. Now watch as Kirk and Spock become a couple right in front of your very eyes! For this, I shall start by quoting the actual hand grabbing and Spock declaring his love for Kirk, in so many words:
Spock laughed again. Then he saw Kirk’s face. He reached out weakly and found Kirk’s arm, then his hand, and took a startled Kirk’s hand in his own.
“Jim,” Spock said.
McCoy looked his astonishment at the visible and unashamed emotion on Spock’s face as he clutched Kirk’s hand.
Kirk returned the pressure and brought his other hand to cover Spock’s, holding it between both of his, signaling Spock that there was no shame in either giving or in answering fully.
“This simple feeling . . . “-Spock struggled for strength-” . . . is so far . . . beyond Vejur’s comprehension . . . ” (PDF 66)
First of all, note the use of the word ‘shame’ and ‘unashamed’. Earlier in this essay when I quoted the scene of Spock failing to achieve kolinahr, the word ‘shame’ is used, that time because Spock had an emotional reaction to Kirk and it shamed him. Now he’s unashamed. Remember in The Naked Time when Spock told Kirk that when he felt friendship for Kirk, he was ‘ashamed?’ For the first time in his life, Spock is unashamed to feel whatever he wants, and it’s all centers around Kirk. In an upgrade from the movie, Kirk, knowing Spock better than anyone in the universe, doesn’t hesitate to grab Spock’s hand and immediately holds it between his own. Can you imagine the inner life of this character right now? It has been an uphill battle with Kirk for years, constantly reaching out to Spock and falling back when Spock steps out of reach, and now Spock is letting himself acknowledge this thing between them, this love, and he wants to make sure Spock knows that it’s okay, he’s here for Spock and Spock can come to him without shame or fear. MY HEART IS BEATING ITS WAY OUT OF MY RIBCAGE OVER THESE TWO.
Now let’s move on to the fact that Kirk and Spock hold hands for much longer than in the movie. In the movie, we get the condensed version of Spock’s revelation whereas in the book it goes on to have McCoy join in the convo and discuss V’Ger some. Not only do they hold hands a little longer, but we get to see what Spock is thinking, and note that they’ve been holding hands for quite a while at this point.
Spock felt himself clinging to Kirk’s hand-he was both shocked and pleased to feel such profound pain over the timeless, meaningless existences he had seen among the machines on that planet. They should not have been built so well and left there to exist without the capacity to know hunger or fear or loneliness or anger or any of those marvelous things that would have driven them to adjust their programming to fit their own needs. How important it was to a living thing to have needs! (PDF 66)
#clinging to Kirk’s hand #clinging to Kirk’s hand #clinging to Kirk’s hand
Oh, Spock, I just bet you have needs! And just like in the movie, Spock is amazed that V’Ger has no answers. V’Ger isn’t concerned with Spock and has no answers for him. V’Ger and Spock are both asking questions, and both end up finding the same answer: love. This is the heart of the story. Kirk and Spock are deluding themselves through this entire novel. Kirk believes that what he’s missing is command of the Enterprise, yet when he gets it he’s no happier than he was before. Spock tries to erase his human half and goes searching for answers to achieve this goal, not realizing that the answer was right in front of him the whole time. This whole story is about two idiot men who can’t own up to their feelings and instead try to find substitutes for the thing they really want. They really are perfect for each other, aren’t they?
Wrapping up
Fittingly, the sickbay scene is where I stop because the rest of the novel ends pretty much the same as the movie. V’Ger finds its own answer in Decker and Ilia’s love, experiencing love and being able to “join with its creator” and Kirk and Spock, presumably, celebrate the end of this mission with hours christening the captain’s quarters with marathon interspecies sex. The only cute thing the movie leaves out is at the very end when Kirk says that he wants to go “out there, thataway!” and Spock responds in the novel, “Quite logical, Captain.” (PDF 77) I wish they would have kept that because it’s clearly not logical to point and go wherever, and it’s a clear indication that Spock has changed fundamentally, setting us up for this new Spock who can freely joke, exaggerate, guess, cheat, and imply.
Later Spock will say to his half-brother Sybok, “I am not the outcast boy you left behind those many years ago. Since that time I found myself and my place and I know who I am.” This is the story of how he found what he was missing in himself, and the key to that self-awareness is Kirk. That same key is passed down years and years later, when Spock (now Spock Prime) gives it to his younger counterpart in Hangar 1.
“Then why did you send Kirk aboard, when you alone could have explained the truth?”
“Because, you needed each other. I could not deprive you of the revelation of all that you could accomplish together. Of a friendship, that would define you both, in ways you cannot yet realize.”