Sigh.......
I don't know what to do anymore. This was so easy when it was my ex because I knew it was time to move on. It wasn't time for this to end, not as far as I was concerned. I saw so much there, felt so much potential, so much love. Then it's gone, as fast as a fighter jet, gone. I knew when she first told me that she didn't want to be with me anymore that it would be hard, but never, ever did I expect it to be like this. I guess I’ll always wonder why. I don't think I’ll ever truly understand even if I think I do. I'm not ready to let you go, see you slip away into the arms of another. I grew too accustom to you being mine, but I guess I have to. It's not my choice. As much as I want you to just go away and never see you again and hope you’re happy I can't. It beings a tear to my eye thinking about you, thinking about what we had, what we could have had, together. All I really have left are a few pictures of us together, so happy to be with one another, a small digital photograph of what we created, knowing that the only way something like that could of happened was through love, and a ring. One small piece of gold worn around a certain finger on my left hand. A constant reminder of how I thought you used to feel for me. People used to ask me if I were married when they saw it. I'd look down at it, look back at them, smile, and say "no, not yet". I see what you've done with yours, and I'm really starting to question if you want it back at all. I told you to wear it as long as you would like for it still meant everything it did the night I slipped it on your finger. I also see the effort you put into wearing it and getting it back. I guess it's starting to show what it means to you now.
There was a point in my life where I could look you in the eyes and be perfectly content with the world. I could just stare for hours, hours upon end and that same joyful feeling would always course my veins. I looked you in the eyes and thought you were the one. That I wouldn't have to look anymore, the journey was done. I would envision that small house with the white picket fence; little children playing in the yard, a tire swing hanging from the tree, the sunset over the hills, all this you made me used to see. Now it's gone, just a blur, a memory of something I used to have. Someone always said that if you love someone let him or her go, and if they really love you they will come back. Hell, I said it myself one night, thinking of someone, saying that giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours. I could have never seen myself having to say something like that about you, I always thought we were more than that, past that stage, where we knew how we felt, where we were going, and what we were going to do. It looks like things change though. The hard part is though that they didn't for me. I am my own problem; I fell for someone who wasn't ready to fall for me. I left myself vulnerable and now I’m paying the price. I thought I was doing the right thing, just opening up myself to you, letting you know how I felt. How deeply in love I was with you, it all happened so fast. You were always a challenge. From the day I told you I liked you, you were a challenge. You had an irresistible ora about you. Something that just drew me to you and wouldn't let me shy away. For six months I chased you, spent time with you, proved myself worthy to you, and when I finally got you I realized it was worth ever painstaking second. I felt like all my hard work had finally paid off, and to make it even better not only had gained a friend, but I really knew whom the real you was, and I could only love you for it. You were everything I had always wanted in a girl. You were beautiful, fun to be around, knew how to have a good time, and you were a dynamite kisser. What else could a guy like me ask for? At the time nothing, now, just to have it all back.
Part of you is always with me, even when I say I need time alone. Your right there, so close I can almost touch you. Then reality sets in. The cold, darkness, and brutality of reality, kicking my ass yet again. Showing me your not there anymore, showing me your out seeing if you have feelings for someone else, feelings similar to those I thought you used to have for me. Showing me your more willing to drive 45 minutes to see someone that hurt you so bad in the past, rather than drive 10 minutes to see someone that would never let you be hurt. I feel like i'm being put in my place. I'm learing as I go where I stand, and the longer I stand the further back I think my place is. You've told me everything I wanted to hear from you after we broke, but rarely, if ever, do you honestly show me. The more you say about how I should know you'll be back, and how this is only temporary, and that when your back it's for good with no exceptions, the more I want to see if you really mean it. The way you held me, kissed me, snuggled in my arms, pet the back of my head when I would try and fall asleep on you, and even make love to me. All those things you used to do, and the longer we've been apart the less and less and less you do those things. Should I just expect them to stop period? Is it time I realize that someone else is going to enjoy those things with you?
All I can say to close is that I feel you slipping away. Not because I'm letting you, or because of something I did. I feel you slipping away because you want to, because it's easier to move onto someone else if we're not involved as much as we used to be if at all. As much as you say you don't know how you feel I really think that your not far away from moving on, and that i'll probably never see you at all. I hope that's not the case, I want you to be around, more than you have been the last month or better, but as everyday passes by you get farther and farther and farther away. Your standing on the horizon and the question is now are you going to come back a little, or are you going to dissapear into the sunset? I love you with all my heart and I'll always cherish the times we had together. Your someone who I could never forget and would never want to forget, and who knows maybe you are right. Maybe you will be back, maybe it was meant to be. Time tells all, and for now that's all to tell.
There was a point in my life where I could look you in the eyes and be perfectly content with the world. I could just stare for hours, hours upon end and that same joyful feeling would always course my veins. I looked you in the eyes and thought you were the one. That I wouldn't have to look anymore, the journey was done. I would envision that small house with the white picket fence; little children playing in the yard, a tire swing hanging from the tree, the sunset over the hills, all this you made me used to see. Now it's gone, just a blur, a memory of something I used to have. Someone always said that if you love someone let him or her go, and if they really love you they will come back. Hell, I said it myself one night, thinking of someone, saying that giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours. I could have never seen myself having to say something like that about you, I always thought we were more than that, past that stage, where we knew how we felt, where we were going, and what we were going to do. It looks like things change though. The hard part is though that they didn't for me. I am my own problem; I fell for someone who wasn't ready to fall for me. I left myself vulnerable and now I’m paying the price. I thought I was doing the right thing, just opening up myself to you, letting you know how I felt. How deeply in love I was with you, it all happened so fast. You were always a challenge. From the day I told you I liked you, you were a challenge. You had an irresistible ora about you. Something that just drew me to you and wouldn't let me shy away. For six months I chased you, spent time with you, proved myself worthy to you, and when I finally got you I realized it was worth ever painstaking second. I felt like all my hard work had finally paid off, and to make it even better not only had gained a friend, but I really knew whom the real you was, and I could only love you for it. You were everything I had always wanted in a girl. You were beautiful, fun to be around, knew how to have a good time, and you were a dynamite kisser. What else could a guy like me ask for? At the time nothing, now, just to have it all back.
Part of you is always with me, even when I say I need time alone. Your right there, so close I can almost touch you. Then reality sets in. The cold, darkness, and brutality of reality, kicking my ass yet again. Showing me your not there anymore, showing me your out seeing if you have feelings for someone else, feelings similar to those I thought you used to have for me. Showing me your more willing to drive 45 minutes to see someone that hurt you so bad in the past, rather than drive 10 minutes to see someone that would never let you be hurt. I feel like i'm being put in my place. I'm learing as I go where I stand, and the longer I stand the further back I think my place is. You've told me everything I wanted to hear from you after we broke, but rarely, if ever, do you honestly show me. The more you say about how I should know you'll be back, and how this is only temporary, and that when your back it's for good with no exceptions, the more I want to see if you really mean it. The way you held me, kissed me, snuggled in my arms, pet the back of my head when I would try and fall asleep on you, and even make love to me. All those things you used to do, and the longer we've been apart the less and less and less you do those things. Should I just expect them to stop period? Is it time I realize that someone else is going to enjoy those things with you?
All I can say to close is that I feel you slipping away. Not because I'm letting you, or because of something I did. I feel you slipping away because you want to, because it's easier to move onto someone else if we're not involved as much as we used to be if at all. As much as you say you don't know how you feel I really think that your not far away from moving on, and that i'll probably never see you at all. I hope that's not the case, I want you to be around, more than you have been the last month or better, but as everyday passes by you get farther and farther and farther away. Your standing on the horizon and the question is now are you going to come back a little, or are you going to dissapear into the sunset? I love you with all my heart and I'll always cherish the times we had together. Your someone who I could never forget and would never want to forget, and who knows maybe you are right. Maybe you will be back, maybe it was meant to be. Time tells all, and for now that's all to tell.