I Wish I Could Explain This Feeling Inside
It been a while since i've really written in here. I've been so busy with school and everything that I just don't really have the time. I have a lot on my mind though and I don't know what to do about it. The terror of emotion strikes again and i'm left wondering why me? I guess it's good that I wear my heart on my sleeve and most people know how I feel at any given time, but the problem here is I don't know what to feel about who anymore. Is it hate, fear, curiousness, distrought, desire, passion, dishonesty, realization, or one of a hundred-thousand other emotions? I wish I knew, but i'd be lying to everyone if I said I did. Everything just seems to be a blur at this point in time. I'm really curious about this one person i'm supposed to meet, but as history would tell me the honest chance of it really happening just isn't there. I just hope if I do meet her one day that she's what people are making her out to be. I guess she's this really great girl who I would really like. Sounds like it has potential, but potential is something intangible and doesn't always develop. I'm undecided about someone else. I know what I should feel, but i'm either going to be stubborn or smart depending on the outcome to hold myself back at this point. Maybe somehwere down the road I can let myself go and open up to people again, but for the moment I need to keep to myself around certain people. Everyone is waiting for me to crack and conform again but i have news for all the doubters out there; i'm stronger than you think, I didn't survive Darrell Harper by being weak and giving in easily. Don't get me wrong, I mean she's really great and everything, but something just doesn't seem right. Something else is there that I don't know about on either my part or her's that just makes me want be withdrawn from the whole situation all together. I know i'm afraid, I do know that much, but I know i'm feeling several other emotions that I just can't quite put a finger on yet. Maybe it's better if I don't know. Fear is powerful, and for those of you who know me best know that I don't fear much of anything, but this whole situation scares the hell out of me. I wish for one of two things, I wish that I could just get away from everything and start over, or be able to go back and make what I had right. Oh well, such is life and it can't be changed, you just have to play the hands you get dealt.