a look into the past...
so i suck at life.... and don't update this enough... and i'm sorry.
i just read what i wrote a year ago today.... and i'd like to repaste it.... beacuse it made me cry....
"""little things in life... that i LIVE for.....
when a boy spends the night, and long after he's left, there's still that "boy smell" on my pillows...
when you walk through your house past the window, and the sun's coming in, and it warms you for the SPLIT SECOND that you're in the sun...
POOFY CLOUDS in the summer that cover the sun for just long enough for you to look up and notice how beautiful the clouds are, before the sun comes back out and blinds you...
warm sand on bare feet....
fresh grass stains on clean jeans....
getting a green light RIGHT as you pull up to an intersection....
getting green lights the ENTIRE trip to wherever your destination may be....
windows open, and humid air whipping your hair so hard that it tingles your face...
waking up to see a picture SO full of happiness, that you cant do a thing but smile....
warm weather in autumn, when i can sit in a long sleeved shirt in a HUGE pile of leaves...
sleeping in on othe weekend, the only thing to wake me up is the sun through my window...
PEZ...
candy corn... ONLY on halloween....
coloring easter eggs...
showers...
finding out someone loves the same song as i do...
locking eyes with someone i'm crushing on...
milk chocolate....
GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!
cuddling...
being embraced from behind... but caught TOTALLY by surprise!
silly little gifts that make your WHOLE day better....
holding hands....
blushing....
looking through old yearbooks and finding things you forgot about, or never noticed before....
coco butter chapstick...
getting things in the mail...
spontaneous phone calls... received OR dialed...
hot chocolate...
SHOWS!...
late night picnics....
the whole sky turning into a rainbow the split second that the sun falls from the sky...
the moon....
fog...
right after the snow falls.... and the light shines on it.... SPARKLES!
the moment when you're listening to headphones, walking outside, and everything clicks.... and you think to yourself "everything is RIGHT."....
movies...
playing footzie.... SERIOUSLY...
the first day after winter where the temperature spikes higher than it's been in MONTHS.. while there's still piles of snow in places....."""
and THEN.... i kept reading.... and i want to redo this entry:
I AM: bubbly. vivacious. insane. crazy. impulsive. kind. loving. amazed.
I WANT: to be happy... and stay this way.
I HAVE: piercings, tattoos, crazy hair, a "unique" sense of style... i like to think. more than i could EVER ask for.
I WISH: i may, i wish i might... have the wish i wish tonight. on stars... when the clock has all the same numbers... and when i see something so beautiful that it makes me want to cry.
I HATE: ignorance.... and this country's obsession with the "Ideal Body Image"
I MISS: Sweety. holidays and sunday afternoons just aren't the same anymore without you.... Essy. my longest.... best friend.... may you rest in peace pup.... my mama... but i talk to her every day. my dad... but we email every day. the way things used to be at home..... sunkissed skin... i can't wait until it's warm again...
I FEAR: losing everyone around me.... that i love. feeling empty. being alone. the dark.
I SEARCH: for beauty in all that is.
I WONDER: how i am so sure that i'm on the right track... how i know that what i do every day is beyond what i can do.... what makes this world so beautiful.
I REGRET: nothing.
i'd just like to point out that it is 5.55 PM.... *makes wish*
I LOVE: you. EVERYTHING stated in the beginning of this entry. my girls at home... my girls that aren't considered "at home" anymore.... anyone that i think about daily... who has touched my life in ways they have no idea.... some of these people may not even remember me anymore... but i still think of them every day.... of the impact on my life. i want to tell them....
I ACHE: when my heart is full.... when i must repress an emotion that NEEDS to come out....
I ALWAYS: smile... laugh... touch.
I AM NOT: mean... cruel... angry... hurtful.
I DANCE: with my roomie in the car... or in the dorm... but not enough...
I SING: all the time.... and not enough.
I CRY: when something moves me... in just the right way.... when my heart feels full... and that's the only thing that will help me absorb the fullness.
I WRITE: here. not enough. what i feel.
I WIN: every day.
I LOSE: never.
I CONFUSE: myself.
I NEED: FreedomBeautyTruthLove. you.
I SHOULD: give more... take less. listen. stay loose... calm... collected.
<3iloveyou<3morethanyouknow<3forever<3
i just read what i wrote a year ago today.... and i'd like to repaste it.... beacuse it made me cry....
"""little things in life... that i LIVE for.....
when a boy spends the night, and long after he's left, there's still that "boy smell" on my pillows...
when you walk through your house past the window, and the sun's coming in, and it warms you for the SPLIT SECOND that you're in the sun...
POOFY CLOUDS in the summer that cover the sun for just long enough for you to look up and notice how beautiful the clouds are, before the sun comes back out and blinds you...
warm sand on bare feet....
fresh grass stains on clean jeans....
getting a green light RIGHT as you pull up to an intersection....
getting green lights the ENTIRE trip to wherever your destination may be....
windows open, and humid air whipping your hair so hard that it tingles your face...
waking up to see a picture SO full of happiness, that you cant do a thing but smile....
warm weather in autumn, when i can sit in a long sleeved shirt in a HUGE pile of leaves...
sleeping in on othe weekend, the only thing to wake me up is the sun through my window...
PEZ...
candy corn... ONLY on halloween....
coloring easter eggs...
showers...
finding out someone loves the same song as i do...
locking eyes with someone i'm crushing on...
milk chocolate....
GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!
cuddling...
being embraced from behind... but caught TOTALLY by surprise!
silly little gifts that make your WHOLE day better....
holding hands....
blushing....
looking through old yearbooks and finding things you forgot about, or never noticed before....
coco butter chapstick...
getting things in the mail...
spontaneous phone calls... received OR dialed...
hot chocolate...
SHOWS!...
late night picnics....
the whole sky turning into a rainbow the split second that the sun falls from the sky...
the moon....
fog...
right after the snow falls.... and the light shines on it.... SPARKLES!
the moment when you're listening to headphones, walking outside, and everything clicks.... and you think to yourself "everything is RIGHT."....
movies...
playing footzie.... SERIOUSLY...
the first day after winter where the temperature spikes higher than it's been in MONTHS.. while there's still piles of snow in places....."""
and THEN.... i kept reading.... and i want to redo this entry:
I AM: bubbly. vivacious. insane. crazy. impulsive. kind. loving. amazed.
I WANT: to be happy... and stay this way.
I HAVE: piercings, tattoos, crazy hair, a "unique" sense of style... i like to think. more than i could EVER ask for.
I WISH: i may, i wish i might... have the wish i wish tonight. on stars... when the clock has all the same numbers... and when i see something so beautiful that it makes me want to cry.
I HATE: ignorance.... and this country's obsession with the "Ideal Body Image"
I MISS: Sweety. holidays and sunday afternoons just aren't the same anymore without you.... Essy. my longest.... best friend.... may you rest in peace pup.... my mama... but i talk to her every day. my dad... but we email every day. the way things used to be at home..... sunkissed skin... i can't wait until it's warm again...
I FEAR: losing everyone around me.... that i love. feeling empty. being alone. the dark.
I SEARCH: for beauty in all that is.
I WONDER: how i am so sure that i'm on the right track... how i know that what i do every day is beyond what i can do.... what makes this world so beautiful.
I REGRET: nothing.
i'd just like to point out that it is 5.55 PM.... *makes wish*
I LOVE: you. EVERYTHING stated in the beginning of this entry. my girls at home... my girls that aren't considered "at home" anymore.... anyone that i think about daily... who has touched my life in ways they have no idea.... some of these people may not even remember me anymore... but i still think of them every day.... of the impact on my life. i want to tell them....
I ACHE: when my heart is full.... when i must repress an emotion that NEEDS to come out....
I ALWAYS: smile... laugh... touch.
I AM NOT: mean... cruel... angry... hurtful.
I DANCE: with my roomie in the car... or in the dorm... but not enough...
I SING: all the time.... and not enough.
I CRY: when something moves me... in just the right way.... when my heart feels full... and that's the only thing that will help me absorb the fullness.
I WRITE: here. not enough. what i feel.
I WIN: every day.
I LOSE: never.
I CONFUSE: myself.
I NEED: FreedomBeautyTruthLove. you.
I SHOULD: give more... take less. listen. stay loose... calm... collected.
<3iloveyou<3morethanyouknow<3forever<3