One Shot: Don't forget me (Part 2)
You rushed into your apartment after what seemed like an endless day. Just to find it empty. You quickly called Kame but the younger man wasn't picking up his phone.
Fear was building up inside you and you tried to call him again but still no answer.
You tried calling Ueda.
“No he hasn't contacted me. What is wrong Jin?”
You told him how he was supposed to go to the hospital today for the results and how you came home to find an empty apartment.
“Calm down Jin. I call the others and ask if Kame is at any of their apartments. And you … just calm down and think about where Kame could be.”
You tried to follow Ueda's orders but ended up in your car, driving around the area of your apartment and the office, all the while trying to call Kame again and again. You thought maybe Kame got lost again, like the other time.
You were worried to death because you couldn't reach him at all.
“He isn't at the others' apartments. Could you reach him?” Ueda called again after half an hour. You were hoping so much that he was at Koki's place or Nakamaru's or even Junno's. But he wasn't. And it only made you sped the car up.
“I already checked the area around our apartment but he isn't here. I don't know where to look anymore.”
“Me and the others are starting to look for him as well now. You go check in the hospital he was supposed to go today.”
You hung up and headed to the hospital. You prayed that Kame would be there but you were disappointed again. You checked the whole hospital but he wasn't there.
You were slowly growing frustrated. You didn't know what to do anymore.
Just then the nurse from the day before walked passed you and you quickly grabbed her arm to stop her.
“Excuse me.”
She stopped and looked at you friendly.
“Yes?”
“Today, did Kamenashi Kazuya come to the hospital for his results?”
“Yes he came this afternoon.”
“Do you know where he went afterward? Was he heading home?”
“I'm sorry but I don't know.”
She was about to leave when you asked something. “Can I meet the doctor that is in charge of him?”
“Sure but he isn't allowed to tell you anything.”
“It's alright. I just want to meet him.”
She nodded and told you that she would call you when the doctor had time. You thanked her and waited. The waiting was killing you but at the moment you couldn't do anything else. You just hoped that he could tell you something that would lead you to Kame.
“Akanishi-san. The doctor has time for you now.”
She led you into a room where an old man was sitting behind a desk, smiling friendly at you.
“Please sit down Akanishi-san.”
You did so and were about to ask about Kame if it weren't for him to start first.
“I heard you wanted to meet me because of Kamenashi-san.”
“Yes. He came here today because of the results of his test. But that was hours ago and I can't find him anywhere. So can you please tell me what happened today afternoon that made him disappear suddenly? Please, everyone is really worried because no one can contact him.”
The old man only nodded thoughtfully and took out a folder from his cupboard behind him.
“Can I ask about your relation with Kamenashi-san? I'm not allowed to tell anyone about this.”
“I'm … we're living together.”
“I guess it's okay then. The tests we made with Kamenashi-san yesterday and the symptoms he already shows, results that he has a rare case of Alzheimer disease.”
Your eyes widened at his words and your hands gripped tightly around the armrest. “W-what?”
“Alzheimer usually occurs at an older age. It has many reasons why but in this case it has different reasons and that's why it appears at such a young stage. The cause is the defect of the Cholesterol transportation between nerve cells in the brain -”
“Can it be cured?” you interrupted him. You didn't care about what the cause was, you only wanted to know about Kame.
“I regret it but no.”
Your head was spinning and all you could think of was Kame. Kame. Was Kame about to die? Kame. Why Kame? Why not you? You wanted so badly to take him into your arms and tell him it would be alright but it wouldn't. You couldn't fucking do anything to help him. You were useless. Damn useless.
“I already told Kamenashi-san this. When he calms down and when he is ready to talk about it you can both come again and then we will go through what will probably happen in the future and what you can do to help. But for now you should find him, bring him home and just sleep a night over it.”
You only nodded, not even registering his words properly and made your way out.
What was Kame thinking of right now? Where was he?
Your phone rang and you answered it absentmindedly, your thoughts were still around Kame.
“Hello?”
The person on the other end didn't answer but you didn't even notice. Your feet were carrying you to the exit, your hand holding the phone tightly to your ear but there was no sound. It was as if the world stopped spinning for a moment.
“Jin.”
~♥~
You rushed back to your apartment and took the steps up to the roof. And there he was. Sitting on the little bench behind the fence, looking over the roofs of Tokyo with a distant look.
You sat down next to him and placed a warm hand over his freezing ones on his lap. He noticed the warmth and looked at your hand before he looked into your face. His eyes were red from crying and he looked so fragile, breakable.
“Jin. I'm scared.”
You wrapped his thin form into your arms and held him tightly against your chest. “We figure something out Kame. We'll go through this together.”
You felt his little hands wrapping around your back and seconds later he was crying. He was crying his soul out but you could only hold him in your arms and occasionally kiss his hair while whispering words of love.
“Kazuya, I love you. Don't be afraid. We can go through this.”
You didn't know when your tears started to flow as well. You only noticed when the only sobs audible were your own.
“Don't leave me Jin. Promise me that you will never leave me.”
“I'll never leave your side. I'll be here with you. I promise.”
~♥~
You didn't sleep well but eventually you managed to sleep for a few hours before the morning sun woke you up.
You looked at your still sleeping lover next to you on the bed and your heart felt like it had been ripped apart again. Why did he have such a cruel fate? You wished you could take his part so he wouldn't have to go through all the pain.
He opened his eyes and looked sleepily into yours. His eyes were puffy because he cried too much but they were still so beautiful. You didn't want to think about the time when you couldn't look into these eyes anymore.
“Morning sleepyhead,” you said and kissed his forehead lovingly.
“Good morning.”
“We have the day off so how about breakfast in bed?”
He only nodded but didn't smile. It hurt seeing him like this.
You went to the kitchen to make breakfast, but your thoughts were somewhere else. You wondered what would happen from now on. How much would your lives change?
You didn't notice the eggs getting burnt in the pan. Just when you felt two arms wrapped around you from behind.
“Jin. The eggs are getting burnt.”
“Shit.”
You quickly took the pan off the cooker but it was already too late. The eggs were burnt.
“Sorry. My thoughts were somewhere else.”
“It's okay. I'm not hungry anyway. Will you come back to bed?”
You let him lead you back to the bedroom and lied down on the bed together with him. He wrapped your arms tightly around his body and curled up inside your embrace.
“I want to stay like this for a while.”
You only nodded and kissed the top of his head. You knew he probably needed time to accept his fate and you would try to help him the best you could. But the mere thought of getting up sometime and continue with your life brought tears to your eyes.
All you wanted was for time to stop.
~♥~
“I hope you're feeling a little bit better Kamenashi-san.”
He only nodded.
“I know it's hard at the beginning to accept it but the earlier you deal with this the easier it will be for you to continue living.”
You squeezed his hand inside yours. You would go through this together.
“So let me explain to you what will come up to you in the future. People with Alzheimer first have symptoms of forgetfulness. In your case it already appeared. From then on various things can come up. You might not recognize familiar places or even things. It will be difficult for you to think abstractly and your forgetfulness will increase, means you will have problems with your short term memory. The worst stage will be when your long time memory will get affected. You might not recognize people around you anymore. You will have problems with ordinary performances and maybe your mood will swing a lot. However I can't tell you when these symptoms will start. It always depends on the person. The average is seven until ten years but in some cases the last stage already started after four or five years. But there are even some people who lived 20 years after Alzheimer was diagnosed.”
“So you mean you can't even tell how long ...” You couldn't voice out the word. It hurt even thinking that Kame would be gone one day.
“No, not yet. We will have to wait and see how things develop.”
“Don't you … can't you do anything? Is there really no cure?” you asked hopefully though you already knew the answer.
“I'm sorry but no. This case is especially rare so I can't tell you anything. Of course there are methods that might slow down the process but I can't guarantee you that it will work. Some patients decide against any help because it would only hurt the people around them so they choose to let it take its natural progress. Taking the treatment also means staying at the hospital and a lot of people don't really want to spend their last days in a hospital.”
You nodded in understanding. Kame was sitting beside you the whole time, not moving at all, not saying a word, just staring at your hand in his.
“I suggest you go home for today and come back next week. Then we can discuss if you want to try the treatment or if you would prefer to let everything has its natural course. No matter how you will decide it would be good to have regular check ups every week.”
You bowed before leaving and led a still in state of trance Kame outside.
“Do you want to grab something to eat before heading home?” you asked him but he only shook his head.
“I want to go home.”
~♥~
Kame didn't say a word for days. You barely got him to eat something. Most of the time he lied in bed and kept staring at the ceiling. Even at night he didn't sleep but stared at something in the far distance.
“Kame, please try to sleep at least a little bit,” you pleaded but he seemed like he didn't hear.
You gave up and kissed his forehead before nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck. You tried to sleep but lately you slept bad when you knew that he couldn't sleep at all.
You often lied the whole night awake and listened to his heartbeat.
That night you dreamed of rain. The rain drops against your face felt so real.
~♥~
“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked him at the breakfast table.
“Don't know.”
You sighed. You rarely talked lately, especially not about that topic but you were tired of how things were going. The day after tomorrow you had to go back to work again though Kame didn't look like he was in a state to work. You needed to talk about it.
“Kazuya. Please talk to me.”
He stopped eating his barely touched food and looked up into your eyes.
“Okay.”
“I know it's difficult for you to talk about it. I can imagine how cruel it is because I feel like I'm the one with the disease though it's you. I just want to help you but you have to let me help you.”
He nodded and you thought maybe you managed to break through him.
“I don't know how to deal with this Jin.”
“You don't have to deal with it alone. I'm here with you. The others will be there for you as well. I already told you that we will go through this together.” You grabbed his hand over the table to give it a reassuring squeeze.
“I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself. You must have been in pain as well.”
You shook your head and smiled.
“I'm alright. Let's think about what you want to do from now on. Have you thought about what he told us?”
Kame nodded his head. “I don't think I want the treatment.”
“You thought about it carefully?”
“Yes. I don't want to lie the remaining time I have in a hospital bed. I want to be here at home. With you.”
“Okay.”
You were about to stand up when he called your name. “I … I'm scared.”
“What are you scared of. I'm here beside you so you don't have to be scared.”
“No, I'm scared of … of forgetting you.”
You halted and looked at the ceiling. “Don't worry. It will be alright. Everything will be alright.”
When you smiled at him to assure him everything really would be alright you thought maybe he saw through you. Because it wasn't alright.
You were afraid as well. Of the day he might look into your eyes and see nothing.
~♥~
The day you went to work again you decided to tell the members first and then the manager.
Koki didn't take it well. He started crying and throwing things against the wall. It took Kame half an hour to calm him down and tell him that he was just making it harder for him so Koki had to promise him not to cry and try supporting him the best he could.
As the oldest member but also the one who cared the most about the KAT-TUN members, Nakamaru didn't cry but only hugged Kame tightly and told him that he had to be strong. You knew that Nakamaru wanted to cry but he didn't allow himself to. He didn't want to burden Kame.
Junno was probably the one who took it the hardest. He wasn't approachable for hours and would only stare with widened eyes at the wall, quietly muttering incoherent words. Koki later told you he was muttering the words “it can't be” over and over again. You felt sorry for him because he was always the one to cheer the other members up.
Koki later brought him back to reality when he was screaming at Junno.
The one who took the news the best was Ueda. You thought maybe he already had a suspicion because he hugged Kame and only said that he would support him.
You thought Kame felt a lot better after telling the others because he looked more relaxed and wasn't afraid anymore when you went to tell Johnny and the manager.
Together you decided that Kame would continue work as much as he could. It was actually Kame who insisted that he wanted to continue working because he didn't want to hang around at home alone. Johnny agreed and told you to stop him when you thought it was too much for him.
“Will you come to my parents house tomorrow?” he asked you at home when you went to bed.
“Sure. Goodnight, my love.”
You were a bit worried about the next day when you went to bed. Neither Kame's parents nor yours knew about you being together. They knew you were living together but maybe they thought only as friends. They never questioned you when you told them you were moving in with Kame.
You knew Kame's family was important to him and it would probably be really difficult when he would tell them about it.
You really wished you could do more for him. You wished you could take all the burden he was carrying.
~♥~
Kame's family was shocked. His mother fainted into his father's arms and his younger brother let his cup fall down where it broke into pieces.
Kame's mother woke up after an hour and started crying. You couldn't help at all when she started crying in Kame's arms. You saw he was at the edge of crying as well.
“Why did it happen to my son,” she was sobbing into Kame's arms. “Why you Kazuya?”
His father patted her back to calm her down. Your heart was aching at the sight and you felt like crying as well.
“How about you move back into the house with us Kazuya?” his father suggested after everyone had calmed down and sat together in the living room.
“Talk with your manager. He will understand the situation. Please come back home Kazuya,” his mother was pleading and it broke your heart seeing her like that. You felt bad because you were thinking you didn't want Kame to move back to his parents' house. You felt ashamed of such a selfish thought.
“I … I can't. I'm sorry.” You wished you could just take his hand to support him but you couldn't. A part of you didn't want him to leave your apartment and another part of you wished that you could take the decision off him.
“Why not? We want to spend as much time as possible with you. Do you want to live alone your remaining days?”
“I'm not alone. Jin is there.”
You think your heart stopped for a moment. You felt sorry towards his parents. You felt like you were keeping their precious son away from them.
“But … we are your family Kazuya.”
You just wanted to tell him that he should move back with his parents. You knew it was breaking his heart inside.
“I'm sorry. But I want to stay at the apartment. With Jin.”
~♥~
His mother still cried when you left. He didn't say a word during the ride home and neither did you. But you knew it was hard for him.
When you arrived home he finally cracked.
“It's okay. You can just visit them any time,” you hushed him when you held him tightly against your chest.
“I don't want to be separated from you. I want to spend my last days with you.”
You nodded your head. Inside you were relieved. You always wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. Now it was the rest of his life but it didn't matter. You wouldn't have known what to do if he had decided to live with his parents. You didn't want to be selfish but you couldn't hide the fact that you were.
You wanted him all to yourself. You were just hopelessly in love with him.
~♥~
“Jin? Did you saw my pinky ring?”
You looked up from the lyrics you were writing and looked at him at the door.
“Your pinky ring? No.”
“Where did I put it?” he wondered aloud and turned around to leave. You shrugged and went back to writing your lyrics.
Half an hour later you heard a door being shut loudly. You frowned and asked Kame what happened but when you received no answer you went to the living room to see what happened but found no one. You called his name but got no answer.
“Where are you Kame?”
You looked in the kitchen but he wasn't there. When you wanted to open the bathroom door you noticed it being locked.
“Kame? Are you in the bathroom?”
You received no answer. You pressed your ear against the door to listen to some sort of confirmation that Kame was inside and you heard a sob. It was quietly but still you heard it.
“What happened Kame? Why won't you talk to me?”
You were growing frustrated when he still didn't answer you. What happened that he would lock himself into the bathroom?
“Kame?”
Still you got no response. You decided to let him calm down first so you sat down against the door and waited. Minutes passed and soon minutes turned into an hour and Kame was still inside the bathroom.
You were worried. You wanted to help him but how could you when he wouldn't let you?
“Shit.”
You knew he was having a hard time. He kept forgetting about things he did a moment ago and it was hurting him inside. But the worst part was that you couldn't help him at all.
“Jin?” you heard a low voice calling your name.
“Kame, I want to help you but you wouldn't let me. Do you know how frustrated it is for me? It hurts seeing you like this but you won't let me near you. How can I help -”
The door was pulled open and the next moment he was lying inside your arms crying.
“I'm sorry Jin. I'm so sorry.”
You embraced him tightly and patted his back. “I just want to help you.”
“I know. I don't even know why I'm like this. I just … I hate myself for being like this. It's just so frustrating and I don't know what to do Jin. I'm so scared and ...”
“Sh. It's alright. It will be alright.”
Hours later you found his pinky ring in the fridge.
~♥~
“It seems like you are doing well the past months?”
“Yes.”
You were holding his hand and smiled at the doctor.
“It doesn't seem like his disease is advancing too quickly. From what we observed during the one year it seemed like he might be able to live for another few years.”
You were happy that Kame seemed to be alright. During the one year his forgetfulness about recent things raised but otherwise he seemed to be alright. His mood was changing sometimes from happy to sad to frustrated but they told you that it was normal.
At the beginning it changed often but recently it didn't. He told you that he has learned to deal with his forgetfulness and started not to grow frustrated too quickly when he didn't find what he was looking for.
You were glad that he was accepting it slowly and tried dealing with it. It made you feel a lot better.
~♥~
Part 3