Waking up next to nothing, waking up after dreaming of you and me, waking up all alone.

[biggere]

I'm horribly bored. I was hoping to find something to do tonight, anything, with anyone... but no such luck. Instead I'm stuck here wishing I had someone to call my own, someone who wants of me all I want to give. I guess it's wrong of me to feel such a strong desire to be what someone wants, to fulfill someones dreams of a man... when I always seem to fall short. However, I can't help it, I'm not the one who conducts my dreams at night, they're of an origin far deeper than my conscious mind. The conductors of my dreams are tales of galant heroes, of fair maidens; truth, love and honor. I can't seem to burn them from my head, despite the terrible emotions I have suffered, I and my dreams remain dauntless even in the bleakest of times. A curse I'm only too aware of, one I could only be rid of if I weren't born to be who so many never will be, but I was, and I am. I contemplate things upon a level far above the surface, I see from the vantage of all the great philosophers and heroes of man, I see; and yet I struggle in this world, in our putrid society to maintain my poise and my aim. My aim which sympathises with all romantics who have ever lived, with all who are idealistic, wether they be great men of importance and remembered for their moral courage, or those who silently lived their lives with strength comprised and sustained within themselves. I give my praise to those with briliant souls; and ask their forgiveness for the weakness I've portrayed through my struggles in this life thus far. But I assure you, I am a man of inscrutable determination and valor. I cannot explain why I often force myself to suffer and so boldly proclaim a dieing idea of virtue in a world where it's socialy unexceptable to retain such "inflated" perceptions of love and life. I do not blame anyone, I do not judge, but I'll be damned if I ever relent. I suffer for my pride and my dignity, like John the Savage, I suffer for my misplaced state of mind in our world of permisivness and forgivness for things that I could not allow myself to live with. Our world is saturated with shameful, disgraceful attitudes, but we were engenered to believe it to be human nature; that this is who we are and is acceptable. I only wish it weren't so difficult living with a conscience that never sleeps, and never forgives... I only wish I had assurance that living with these beliefs won't mean living perpetualy alone. And I wish it didn't hurt so, to be called pompous, to be called arrogant and foolish even by those who know me best for being who I am, when all I do in this life is for you. I believe in these things, and I am a person overflowing with expression, I can't help but state my feelings in one form or another; but judgment I do not pass except unto myself. *sigh*. Guess I've been rambling long enough about things that mean nothing to anyone but me. If anyone has been or becomes offended by my unwont delusions of grandure in the past, present, or future; I apologize.

-g'night