Who Am I? -- A Relative Question
I've always found 'About Me' and the empty lines that follow rather daunting. Am I really supposed to condense all my thought and feelings into the limited space of a classroom handout or an empty facebook box? I've never written the same things twice. I took pride in editing my myspace every so often, coming up with some off-poetic attempt at making my life look more like a movie plot and not a unended prose compilation. I thought that if I made myself sound cool, I'd become that cool. Later I'd become cool by a revised definition, though redecorating my myspace probably had little to do with it.
So, today, as it is a new day, I will write a real 'About Me.' Tonight, as it is still the night, I will address the question 'Who Am I?'
When I was a kid, either in the later years of elementary school or the earlier years of middle school, there was a commercial on kids tv telling kids to come up with a verb. You could register this verb online and they made it look cool. I thought somewhere around a week about what my verb would be. Though I never registered, i was rather proud of what I came up. My verb was "jam" because it had a double meaning. In music, to jam was to create a new song on the spot with other musicians. This has always been one of my favorite activities as it is honest, spontaneous, and exciting. There is no error unless you condemn something of no intrinsic quality to be unsatisfying. It's just a lot of fun. Jam is also slang for slam dunk. I loved basketball and played it everyday after school in my driveway. I would lower the hoop as low as it could go so I could do dunks. I jumped really high so making a small hoop gave me opportunity to do cool tricks. I did it not to show off (though I often did) but because it gave me pleasure. That sense of serving myself has played throughout my whole life, but it's never bothered me, only others. Point being, Jammed seemed like a very appropriate term at the time. I liked it very much.
In high school we had to describe ourselves in one word. It was some day one activity in my anatomy class jr. year and I was already leaning to leaving school. I didn't have much time to think of one because my name is so close to the top of the role sheet. When she called my name, I had to correct her on how to pronounce my last name, then gave my one word biography. "Hi. My name is Alex. My favorite color is blue. And I'm UNORTHODOX." Again, I was proud of this. In many ways this still accurately describes me. I've taken many roads less traveled. I tested out of high school. I pursued unlikely lovers. I got unhidable tattoos at an early age. I use words like unhidable even when i use firefox and can clearly see that's not a word. My favorite flavor is astringent.
Even more so, I often chose the less obvious choice. I prefer pineapples to apples. I won't drink milk by itself, but i will have it just about every other way. I like playing rhythm guitar and almost never play lead. I will take a root beer to any real beer any day. I'd give up my ability to orgasm if i could make anyone else orgasm at my command. My favorite color is no longer blue, but yellow. I prefer John Oliver to Jon Stewart AND Stephen Colbert.
Often I see people describe themselves with labels. This hit me the other day when a buddy of mine from middle school was at Zephyrs on the rare occasion that I went there. He was insistent on calling himself a Gnostic and labeling me as a Hindu. I realized I didn't identify with the label so much as I identified with the ideas. It seemed as though as he was fitting himself to a label and I was fitting a label to me. I wondered if I could benefit from this.
I also read in my book Philosophy of Superheroes the definition of a philosopher. I've never thought of what it is defined as to be a philosopher, but it made complete sense when it said "a lover of wisdom" I now plan on making philosophy my career as I intend on being a Philosophy professor. I know this probably sounds strange, a high school flunk going on to dedicate 12 year of his life for a Ph.D. to spend the rest of his life in a school, but I feel a true connection to the subject and I want to invest as much interest I have in this field. After reading the definition of a philosopher, I saw how I relate with this term and how it will be used to label me in the future. Then I thought, how else can I label myself? I came up with these
Prophet
Musician
Idealist
Liberal
Geek
Artist
Prophet - Ok, this might sound conceded, but I don't care. Since I was young I've identified more with Jesus than his followers, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. than black activist, the message more than the messenger. It can be defined as "A person gifted with profound moral insight and exceptional powers of expression" or "The chief spokesperson of a movement or cause" or more commonly understood as "A person who speaks by divine inspiration or as the interpreter through whom the will of a god is expressed." I seem to attract people who are in need of emotional insight for I have a knack of putting complex feelings into few words than encompass the full meaning. Many of my friendships are kept alive simply because I'm the one they turn to when all of their life falls apart. I don't have a habit of talking to Celeste, but it seems like every time i talk to her she's in need of guidance, a guidance I can provide. My best friends like Erin and Beth are only communicable when something's seriously wrong and they talk to me cause only I 'get it' and can cheer them up. I was a huge catalyst for change in Tasha's life. I led her to the realization that she can do and be anything she wants (we had many discussions on how she's done so many things and I've been so many things. So she took me places and I showed her how to be more of what she wanted to be). Living together puts a restraint on my influence in her life oddly enough as she takes what I say for granted and doesn't bother to heed what I say seriously. I see more clearly than ever her shortcomings and I'm very well aware that my character flawless are crystallized in her vision. Sometimes I feel so put down when all I'm trying to do is help her. She's told me she doesn't want to be certain ways, so I try to provide alternatives to her lifestyle to aid her in her development, but more often than not my advices bounces out of her ears off her surprisingly close mind and I feel guilty for trying to help someone who's helped me out so much. If there's something I've learned about life, particularly those who take on prophet roles, is that no good deed goes unpunished and you absorb the karma of those who aid out of theirs. I believe what I do is right and I'll continue to be a struggling prophet.
Musician - I've written love on my arms. Permanently. Two huge clefs which restrict me from disney and other militant jobs profess my undying love for music. For as long as I can remember my best friend has been my instrument. Emily had her stuffed animals, Erin had her books and brothers, Bryn had her animals, and I had a sax. I was nobody until I got into music. The world found me as I found myself. Where other kids on the block focused on school and sports, studying or working out after school, I looked out a window and played for them. I didn't do much else outside of music. After I fell out of love with the sax, the bass and guitar were right there. Everyday feels incomplete unless i spend sometime with myself and an instrument. That satisfaction outdoes even the greatest masturbation, the most refreshing shower, then tastiest bagel ever. Music is my regrooving, my destressor. It was recently when I first had this realization. If I made a career out of being a musician, I'd be making it my stresser. In order to destress, I'd have to find something other than music to do. I'd probably do as any rock star would do, turn to drugs, alcohol, or sex to find comfort. I don't want that life, so music will remain my hobby, but more. It's my lifestyle. It's as much a part of me as my skin.
Idealist - there's a double meaning in this one. In the Carl Jung personality types, an Idealist is an intuitive (or abstract) feeler. Though it is debatable now whether i'm more a feeler than a thinker, i think that i still feel more strongly than I think. If something's logical, but not sound, I'm not inclined to do it. If it doesn't make sense, but feels right, I'll probably do it. So in this sense, I'm still an Idealist. To be more specific, for those of you who are familiar with the system, I'm an ENFP (extroverted intuitive feeling perceiver). To a idealist is to also be impractical or unrealistic, and this applies as well. It's to be a visionary, challenging the dualistic system, being a complete ideal of an idea. I feel like I'm Idealistic in most of my life. In my emotional life I strive to an embodiment of my ideals. If that's not being an Idealist, I don't know what is.
Liberal - progressive. It's being open minded to change and reform. This applies to morals too. Right and Wrong are subject to change as well. Buddha said what i believe to be the only true law of the universe 'change is the only constant.' I believe in doing what's best for all of humanity. I believe in being the change i want to see in the world. I believe in break tradition to seek growth. I believe in growing pains.
Geek - well, i like weird stuff. I play fantasy games, spend more time on the internet than outside. I write comics books now and i'm learning how to brew my own root beer. I still play pokemon, watch curling, have atari pajamas, and have $200 studio headphones. I can tell you how good a saxophone is just by looking at it. I have Dr. Suess and a Captain Planet t-shirt. I can play the Indiana Jones theme on a theramin -- the fact that I know what a theramin is alone makes me a geek.
Artist - I was taking to my good friend Piper last week. She's in love for the first time in her life with a man name Paul. He's a introverted guitar player who has a meek voice an a big heart. She describes him in too many words, but I narrowed it down for her. "He's an artist" i said, "he's a proponent and creator of love." I too am a proponent and creator of love. I may not be the cliche artist with vintage 70s clothing, hand painted walls, or dirty hair. I may not be able to draw anything outside of a chicken or mr. happy bong. I may not see anything other than the cool factor in the works of picasso, polluck, or dali. But I run at a ocean in the heat of the storm, screaming do deafen the wind. I ride my broken 10 speed up and down hills to really feel the sun fit itself in each of my pores. I swoon women under star-studded mountain skies in open fields with songs i write particularly for this occasion. I take the suck at the hardships of life, drying out their rinds, turning their poising into water to feed the thirsty. My life is what art imitates.
This is who I am.
Now.
In no time at all it'll change. Everything does. But this is who am I as I see myself now. Who do you say that I am?
Who are you?
So, today, as it is a new day, I will write a real 'About Me.' Tonight, as it is still the night, I will address the question 'Who Am I?'
When I was a kid, either in the later years of elementary school or the earlier years of middle school, there was a commercial on kids tv telling kids to come up with a verb. You could register this verb online and they made it look cool. I thought somewhere around a week about what my verb would be. Though I never registered, i was rather proud of what I came up. My verb was "jam" because it had a double meaning. In music, to jam was to create a new song on the spot with other musicians. This has always been one of my favorite activities as it is honest, spontaneous, and exciting. There is no error unless you condemn something of no intrinsic quality to be unsatisfying. It's just a lot of fun. Jam is also slang for slam dunk. I loved basketball and played it everyday after school in my driveway. I would lower the hoop as low as it could go so I could do dunks. I jumped really high so making a small hoop gave me opportunity to do cool tricks. I did it not to show off (though I often did) but because it gave me pleasure. That sense of serving myself has played throughout my whole life, but it's never bothered me, only others. Point being, Jammed seemed like a very appropriate term at the time. I liked it very much.
In high school we had to describe ourselves in one word. It was some day one activity in my anatomy class jr. year and I was already leaning to leaving school. I didn't have much time to think of one because my name is so close to the top of the role sheet. When she called my name, I had to correct her on how to pronounce my last name, then gave my one word biography. "Hi. My name is Alex. My favorite color is blue. And I'm UNORTHODOX." Again, I was proud of this. In many ways this still accurately describes me. I've taken many roads less traveled. I tested out of high school. I pursued unlikely lovers. I got unhidable tattoos at an early age. I use words like unhidable even when i use firefox and can clearly see that's not a word. My favorite flavor is astringent.
Even more so, I often chose the less obvious choice. I prefer pineapples to apples. I won't drink milk by itself, but i will have it just about every other way. I like playing rhythm guitar and almost never play lead. I will take a root beer to any real beer any day. I'd give up my ability to orgasm if i could make anyone else orgasm at my command. My favorite color is no longer blue, but yellow. I prefer John Oliver to Jon Stewart AND Stephen Colbert.
Often I see people describe themselves with labels. This hit me the other day when a buddy of mine from middle school was at Zephyrs on the rare occasion that I went there. He was insistent on calling himself a Gnostic and labeling me as a Hindu. I realized I didn't identify with the label so much as I identified with the ideas. It seemed as though as he was fitting himself to a label and I was fitting a label to me. I wondered if I could benefit from this.
I also read in my book Philosophy of Superheroes the definition of a philosopher. I've never thought of what it is defined as to be a philosopher, but it made complete sense when it said "a lover of wisdom" I now plan on making philosophy my career as I intend on being a Philosophy professor. I know this probably sounds strange, a high school flunk going on to dedicate 12 year of his life for a Ph.D. to spend the rest of his life in a school, but I feel a true connection to the subject and I want to invest as much interest I have in this field. After reading the definition of a philosopher, I saw how I relate with this term and how it will be used to label me in the future. Then I thought, how else can I label myself? I came up with these
Prophet
Musician
Idealist
Liberal
Geek
Artist
Prophet - Ok, this might sound conceded, but I don't care. Since I was young I've identified more with Jesus than his followers, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. than black activist, the message more than the messenger. It can be defined as "A person gifted with profound moral insight and exceptional powers of expression" or "The chief spokesperson of a movement or cause" or more commonly understood as "A person who speaks by divine inspiration or as the interpreter through whom the will of a god is expressed." I seem to attract people who are in need of emotional insight for I have a knack of putting complex feelings into few words than encompass the full meaning. Many of my friendships are kept alive simply because I'm the one they turn to when all of their life falls apart. I don't have a habit of talking to Celeste, but it seems like every time i talk to her she's in need of guidance, a guidance I can provide. My best friends like Erin and Beth are only communicable when something's seriously wrong and they talk to me cause only I 'get it' and can cheer them up. I was a huge catalyst for change in Tasha's life. I led her to the realization that she can do and be anything she wants (we had many discussions on how she's done so many things and I've been so many things. So she took me places and I showed her how to be more of what she wanted to be). Living together puts a restraint on my influence in her life oddly enough as she takes what I say for granted and doesn't bother to heed what I say seriously. I see more clearly than ever her shortcomings and I'm very well aware that my character flawless are crystallized in her vision. Sometimes I feel so put down when all I'm trying to do is help her. She's told me she doesn't want to be certain ways, so I try to provide alternatives to her lifestyle to aid her in her development, but more often than not my advices bounces out of her ears off her surprisingly close mind and I feel guilty for trying to help someone who's helped me out so much. If there's something I've learned about life, particularly those who take on prophet roles, is that no good deed goes unpunished and you absorb the karma of those who aid out of theirs. I believe what I do is right and I'll continue to be a struggling prophet.
Musician - I've written love on my arms. Permanently. Two huge clefs which restrict me from disney and other militant jobs profess my undying love for music. For as long as I can remember my best friend has been my instrument. Emily had her stuffed animals, Erin had her books and brothers, Bryn had her animals, and I had a sax. I was nobody until I got into music. The world found me as I found myself. Where other kids on the block focused on school and sports, studying or working out after school, I looked out a window and played for them. I didn't do much else outside of music. After I fell out of love with the sax, the bass and guitar were right there. Everyday feels incomplete unless i spend sometime with myself and an instrument. That satisfaction outdoes even the greatest masturbation, the most refreshing shower, then tastiest bagel ever. Music is my regrooving, my destressor. It was recently when I first had this realization. If I made a career out of being a musician, I'd be making it my stresser. In order to destress, I'd have to find something other than music to do. I'd probably do as any rock star would do, turn to drugs, alcohol, or sex to find comfort. I don't want that life, so music will remain my hobby, but more. It's my lifestyle. It's as much a part of me as my skin.
Idealist - there's a double meaning in this one. In the Carl Jung personality types, an Idealist is an intuitive (or abstract) feeler. Though it is debatable now whether i'm more a feeler than a thinker, i think that i still feel more strongly than I think. If something's logical, but not sound, I'm not inclined to do it. If it doesn't make sense, but feels right, I'll probably do it. So in this sense, I'm still an Idealist. To be more specific, for those of you who are familiar with the system, I'm an ENFP (extroverted intuitive feeling perceiver). To a idealist is to also be impractical or unrealistic, and this applies as well. It's to be a visionary, challenging the dualistic system, being a complete ideal of an idea. I feel like I'm Idealistic in most of my life. In my emotional life I strive to an embodiment of my ideals. If that's not being an Idealist, I don't know what is.
Liberal - progressive. It's being open minded to change and reform. This applies to morals too. Right and Wrong are subject to change as well. Buddha said what i believe to be the only true law of the universe 'change is the only constant.' I believe in doing what's best for all of humanity. I believe in being the change i want to see in the world. I believe in break tradition to seek growth. I believe in growing pains.
Geek - well, i like weird stuff. I play fantasy games, spend more time on the internet than outside. I write comics books now and i'm learning how to brew my own root beer. I still play pokemon, watch curling, have atari pajamas, and have $200 studio headphones. I can tell you how good a saxophone is just by looking at it. I have Dr. Suess and a Captain Planet t-shirt. I can play the Indiana Jones theme on a theramin -- the fact that I know what a theramin is alone makes me a geek.
Artist - I was taking to my good friend Piper last week. She's in love for the first time in her life with a man name Paul. He's a introverted guitar player who has a meek voice an a big heart. She describes him in too many words, but I narrowed it down for her. "He's an artist" i said, "he's a proponent and creator of love." I too am a proponent and creator of love. I may not be the cliche artist with vintage 70s clothing, hand painted walls, or dirty hair. I may not be able to draw anything outside of a chicken or mr. happy bong. I may not see anything other than the cool factor in the works of picasso, polluck, or dali. But I run at a ocean in the heat of the storm, screaming do deafen the wind. I ride my broken 10 speed up and down hills to really feel the sun fit itself in each of my pores. I swoon women under star-studded mountain skies in open fields with songs i write particularly for this occasion. I take the suck at the hardships of life, drying out their rinds, turning their poising into water to feed the thirsty. My life is what art imitates.
This is who I am.
Now.
In no time at all it'll change. Everything does. But this is who am I as I see myself now. Who do you say that I am?
Who are you?