Being Responible...?
I had an emotional encounter with my mother today. By which I mean i made a difficult decision to not go to Jasmine, her best friend's wedding.
I initially called her to ask what kind of clothes I should wear. It's a Hawaiian themed wedding being stressed as casual. I called to tell her my good Hawaiian shirt was badly stained and asked which outfits i had planned would be mored suited. Then remembering that I had early work tomorrow, I asked what time we would plan on heading out of there. She said it's her best friend's wedding, so I should figure that out. When I said I needed to be home early so I could get up by 5:30, she told me too bad.
I didn't feel like that was the right. And when I said that she took it personally. She said I could tough it out for one night, but i've done that before and it wasn't alright, it was actually pretty bad. I was stumbling and not really useful. Did my jobs in double the time it would usually take me and that wasn't ok.
She started to yell at me and then told me she had to go and hung up. My mother hung up on me, which she does routinely, and I only know realize that's not a loving thing to do.
I'm really not into drama, I do all I can to avoid or resolve drama. But what I've learned over the last year or so is that drama's inevitable. And in times of conflict, I used to resolve to giving in whether or not I think it's the right thing to do. But now I have the strength to do what I think is right, to do what i think is better, to do what feels better, to do what feels right. And usually I pull through, but this scenario confuses me.
My mother constantly yells at me to be a responsible adult, and to her credit, I don't act as one more often then I should. I was afraid to ask for the early shift on mother's day and that led to me leaving her to dry. My punishment was to pay her back for the Dodger ticket she had bought for that day. Punishing her adult son. That sounds weird.
So for today's circumstance, I thought of what a responsible adult would do. Would a responsible adult go with his mother whom he has a shaky relationship and get home at a very late time which would hinder his ability to do his job well? Or would a responsible adult reluctantly say that he shouldn't go to the wedding he said he would be and aggravate his mother whom is already upset with him so he can sleep well and do well at his job?
Maybe if you're reading this, the answer is clear, but as the writer and the potentially responsible adult, I have trouble discerning the better decision. To reflect and help figure out the more right path, i'm gonna analyze the previous statements.
The vital word in both questions is "responsible." In my previous struggle to make a choice i really focused on this word and I came to realize I still really don't know what it means. I've always had this problem. In middle school my mom would verbally scorn me for not being responsible and one night when she asked me if I even knew what the word meant, I said no. This infuriated her and ended the conversation and by conversation i mean heated lecture. I took it upon myself to make a flash card of the word responsible and I put it in my pocket. It looks as if that's done no good because I can't pin down a definition of the word responsible. In this reflection I've looked up the word and it gives multiple definition on dictionary.com. Here are the first ones listed:
re·spon·si·ble Audio Help /rɪˈspɒnsəbəl/
-adjective
1. answerable or accountable, as for something within one's power, control, or management (often fol. by to or for): He is responsible to the president for his decisions.
2. involving accountability or responsibility: a responsible position.
3. chargeable with being the author, cause, or occasion of something (usually fol. by for): Termites were responsible for the damage.
4. having a capacity for moral decisions and therefore accountable; capable of rational thought or action: The defendant is not responsible for his actions.
5. able to discharge obligations or pay debts.
6. reliable or dependable, as in meeting debts, conducting business dealings, etc.
7. (of a government, member of a government, government agency, or the like) answerable to or serving at the discretion of an elected legislature or the electorate.
According to the 1st definition, did I do the responsible thing? I'm a accountable for my decision? And I think i am. I'm not sure I would make the same decision again, but I'm not going to regret it. But I would aslo feel accountable if I made the other decision, so this helps me not.
By the 3rd definition, I am asked if I am the result. I did not go to the wedding and that was my doing. But that's not the big picture. This is dealing with whether or not I did the right thing. And now I ask myself what is the right thing. The right thing here seems to be split two ways: pleasing my mother or my employer. Which one is more deserving?
Deserving? MORE DESERVING?!?! That's absurd. All persons are equal regardless of any detail. She might be my mother but that is less important then the fact she is a living being. As is my boss. They are equally deserving in all things as am I.
Another fact: I can not make anyone happy. It's not that I wouldn't like to, it's just not physically or nonphysically possible. The person with power over a person's feelings is that person's self. The only time that isn't the case is when a person surrenders his or her ability to create his or her reality. They let and/or make people's actions hurt or help them. Whether or not you are aware of it, you control your universe. What ever happens in your world, you are responsible for it.
RESPONSIBLE!!!
Although I'd like to make my mother and employer happy, it's not my place to do. Although I have intensions to create a happy universe, it's only my reality. It's my responsibility do what I need. It's my mother's responsiblity to do what she feels is right. And if yelling at her son and not being understanding is what she feels is right, then I think she should do it.
I'm happy I made the decision I have for now I know more of the universe.
I initially called her to ask what kind of clothes I should wear. It's a Hawaiian themed wedding being stressed as casual. I called to tell her my good Hawaiian shirt was badly stained and asked which outfits i had planned would be mored suited. Then remembering that I had early work tomorrow, I asked what time we would plan on heading out of there. She said it's her best friend's wedding, so I should figure that out. When I said I needed to be home early so I could get up by 5:30, she told me too bad.
I didn't feel like that was the right. And when I said that she took it personally. She said I could tough it out for one night, but i've done that before and it wasn't alright, it was actually pretty bad. I was stumbling and not really useful. Did my jobs in double the time it would usually take me and that wasn't ok.
She started to yell at me and then told me she had to go and hung up. My mother hung up on me, which she does routinely, and I only know realize that's not a loving thing to do.
I'm really not into drama, I do all I can to avoid or resolve drama. But what I've learned over the last year or so is that drama's inevitable. And in times of conflict, I used to resolve to giving in whether or not I think it's the right thing to do. But now I have the strength to do what I think is right, to do what i think is better, to do what feels better, to do what feels right. And usually I pull through, but this scenario confuses me.
My mother constantly yells at me to be a responsible adult, and to her credit, I don't act as one more often then I should. I was afraid to ask for the early shift on mother's day and that led to me leaving her to dry. My punishment was to pay her back for the Dodger ticket she had bought for that day. Punishing her adult son. That sounds weird.
So for today's circumstance, I thought of what a responsible adult would do. Would a responsible adult go with his mother whom he has a shaky relationship and get home at a very late time which would hinder his ability to do his job well? Or would a responsible adult reluctantly say that he shouldn't go to the wedding he said he would be and aggravate his mother whom is already upset with him so he can sleep well and do well at his job?
Maybe if you're reading this, the answer is clear, but as the writer and the potentially responsible adult, I have trouble discerning the better decision. To reflect and help figure out the more right path, i'm gonna analyze the previous statements.
The vital word in both questions is "responsible." In my previous struggle to make a choice i really focused on this word and I came to realize I still really don't know what it means. I've always had this problem. In middle school my mom would verbally scorn me for not being responsible and one night when she asked me if I even knew what the word meant, I said no. This infuriated her and ended the conversation and by conversation i mean heated lecture. I took it upon myself to make a flash card of the word responsible and I put it in my pocket. It looks as if that's done no good because I can't pin down a definition of the word responsible. In this reflection I've looked up the word and it gives multiple definition on dictionary.com. Here are the first ones listed:
re·spon·si·ble Audio Help /rɪˈspɒnsəbəl/
-adjective
1. answerable or accountable, as for something within one's power, control, or management (often fol. by to or for): He is responsible to the president for his decisions.
2. involving accountability or responsibility: a responsible position.
3. chargeable with being the author, cause, or occasion of something (usually fol. by for): Termites were responsible for the damage.
4. having a capacity for moral decisions and therefore accountable; capable of rational thought or action: The defendant is not responsible for his actions.
5. able to discharge obligations or pay debts.
6. reliable or dependable, as in meeting debts, conducting business dealings, etc.
7. (of a government, member of a government, government agency, or the like) answerable to or serving at the discretion of an elected legislature or the electorate.
According to the 1st definition, did I do the responsible thing? I'm a accountable for my decision? And I think i am. I'm not sure I would make the same decision again, but I'm not going to regret it. But I would aslo feel accountable if I made the other decision, so this helps me not.
By the 3rd definition, I am asked if I am the result. I did not go to the wedding and that was my doing. But that's not the big picture. This is dealing with whether or not I did the right thing. And now I ask myself what is the right thing. The right thing here seems to be split two ways: pleasing my mother or my employer. Which one is more deserving?
Deserving? MORE DESERVING?!?! That's absurd. All persons are equal regardless of any detail. She might be my mother but that is less important then the fact she is a living being. As is my boss. They are equally deserving in all things as am I.
Another fact: I can not make anyone happy. It's not that I wouldn't like to, it's just not physically or nonphysically possible. The person with power over a person's feelings is that person's self. The only time that isn't the case is when a person surrenders his or her ability to create his or her reality. They let and/or make people's actions hurt or help them. Whether or not you are aware of it, you control your universe. What ever happens in your world, you are responsible for it.
RESPONSIBLE!!!
Although I'd like to make my mother and employer happy, it's not my place to do. Although I have intensions to create a happy universe, it's only my reality. It's my responsibility do what I need. It's my mother's responsiblity to do what she feels is right. And if yelling at her son and not being understanding is what she feels is right, then I think she should do it.
I'm happy I made the decision I have for now I know more of the universe.