Part 6
Still to come: jon, piper, drugs, jr. year, alex, allie, sex, bass, guitar, songwriting, therapy (lyle), philosophy, finding my own outlook on life, mother, moving into my dads.
Jonathon Bryant Carreno (with a tilde on the "n") is responsible for so much of my sociality. After Ian, Jon was my best friend in middle school. My earliest memory of Jon was in 1st period P.E. with Mr. Maxson. I brought this CD i was just fascinated with, Audioslave's self titled album. I bought it after watching the music video for Cochise. Their intense sound of guitar and bass and drums scarred the living daylights out of me and gave me the adolescent angst which i had just recently discovered. I remember one time on the way to school with my mom, we were listening to the radio, Mark and Brain who run the morning show on KLOS, the classic rock station, and they were talking about Audioslave and how it's Rage Against the Machine with Chris Cornell singing and they thought it was amazing. Rage Against the Machine was the first real rock band i got into. The song Guerrilla Radio was on my favorite computer game, Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2, and when i beat the game i looked in the credibts to see who plays that song, found the name Rage Against the Machine, and put it on my christmas list of cds i wanted. I got their live CD and Rob Zombie's "Hellbilly Deluxe" that christmas, and that cd opened a whole new world of sound to me. They were raw frustration, something i was beginning to experience but didn't know how to express. The open up with "Bulls on Parade" and still that song gets me like few others do, trashing and crashing and raw emotion of passion. What stunned be most about Audioslave's sound was the vocalist who I later discovered to be Chris Cornell a man i would idolize to this day. He sounds like the old testament god, everything he's written is different from everyone else, and his voice is so romantic, darkly romantic, what educated people call gothic, but it's not like the gothic we're accustomed to, it's emotion of the purest form. It's so wonderful, you'd only really understand if you heard Cochise. I brought that cd to school with me with a cd played and some head phones and had jon listen to it, and he fell in love too. He bought the cd and gave me ones to listen to, mainly megadeth and mettalica, and i fell in love with metal and rock. I felt like i heard the voice i was searching for, and i was consumed by it. I bought so many cds, all i asked for from "santa" was cds, and it got to the point where i had to control myself. I figured out mathematically one day while i still lived at my old house how much money was spent on the cds in my collection. It was over $5,000. I still add members to my collection whenever i have the money to. I live up the street from Fingerprints, which is famous for its indie/alternative scene and the used cd section. I bought three new records today, Joni Mitchel-Blue (which is AMAZING! my mom doens't like joni mitchel so i never heard it growing up. but some people i've become really close to lately love her to death, so i decided to invest, and oh my god it's amazing. i fear i'll be spending a lot of money on her music) Morissey-Your Arsenal and Billy Joel-Piano Man (i didn't have it, so i got it).
Jon and i would become really close friends, spending almost all our free time with each other. My mom took him under her wing, considers him one of her other sons. He inspired me to play guitar, which i didn't take seriously until sophomore year. We started a band with him on guitar, me on bass and our friend on vocals. We called ourselves Murder to Nature, had one band practice where all we did was choose what songs we wanted to cover. It was mostly doors music and a aerosmith song. Jon had a weird habit where he would stop talking and we'd communicate through writing everything down. It was funny, kinda annoying, but i really didn't mind. He went through a lot of drama with this girl Chelsea in 8th grade. He asked me to write a poem for him about her, and i did, and he got an A on it i think. At least i'd like to think so. He's famous for his chin which every parent is in love with, especially my mom and Emily's.
When I edit this, i think i'll put Jon toward the beginning with Zak and Emily cause he's in so much of my life, it's hard to talk about most of my life without knowing who jon is.
Jon got me into most music i call my own now, and seeing how music is most of my life, Jon really changed my life a lot. To just mention a few: The Doors, Megadeth, Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Cream, David Bowie, Yes, Pink Floyd, The Who, The Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton......see what i mean? All these necessities in rock music came to me via Jonathon. I owe him so much, more than i can communicate.
If you know anything, ANYTHING about Jon, it's one of these two things: Argentina and Pink Floyd. He is in love with his heritage, he's very proud of his country. All his family is from there and all but his immediate family live there still, he feels so at home there. I used to come to his family dinners, and they all spoke spanish and loved how i played saxophone, jon and i used to duet and it was super fun. Our show closer was the Mission Impossible Theme. We were cool. Pink Floyd is his first true love. He has every record, every dvd and cassette tape and VHS and just anything you can think of. He let me burn every cd, and let me tell you, there's a lot of music out there. It's quite a thing to hear him talk about Pink Floyd, it's pretty awesome. Only more more thing is more awesome and that is hearing Jon commentate a soccer game in spanish. Next time you see him, ask him to do it. It's fantastic. Jon Introduced me to the movie The Doors and Austin Powers and Wayne's World, all 90s culture i wasn't exposed to, which saved my ass down the road. I just really got to learn myself with Jon, and i would never trade those experienced for anything. He's a genuinely good guy, he's got a cloudy past, but don't we all? He was the best friend i needed so desperately. So, thanks Jon, thank you so much for being my friend. You taught me how to be cool, how to get people to like me, how to let go and just be cool, and for that i could never repay you enough. Thank you.
Ok....Piper time. =]
For some of you reading this, you've had this friend you've known all your life, someone you're extremely close to just because of the history factor. You two probably aren't that similar, probably don't have anything in common expect the first part of your life, and if you were to know each other on different circumstances, you probably won't be close friends. My story, however, is far more joyous.
My parents, Matt and Jenny Balin, sang in the choir at Bixby Knolls Christian Church under the direction of Julie Adams who was married to Doug Adams, my mom's best friend from high school. By a strike of chance, both wives became pregnant at the same time, and this drew them closer together. The Adam's baby was due November 20-something and I was due in the later half of December. Both families had never had a baby before, so this pregnancy thing was fun to share. My aunt was pregnant too with my cousin brandon. This was a little more of a scare because the first time Lynn and Bill got pregnant they had a miscarriage. My Uncle Bill would later tell me in their house that it looked kinda like a rat, which is an image i haven't quite pieced together but the same blurry image comes into my head. Brandon was Born on November 30th, 1989, and it was exciting for the entire family and the Adams as well. Three days later, Julie and my Mother entered labor. My dad charted their labor pains while they watched Tequila Sunrise. The two of them were sent to different hospitals, i can't remember where they went, i doubt if i ever knew, and i'm not sure where i was born. On December 4th, 1989, at 8:11 in the morning, Piper Adams was born. And at 11:44 am, just a little over three and a half hours later, I was born. Our parents paraded us together as if we were twins. It had to be extremely cute. I've seen the tape of our first birthday party, it was at Disneyland. There was a specific scene i remember, mainly because it's one of my parent's favorite to tell, where we were eating beans at one of the resturants in disneyland and Piper's plate was super clean, super organized, beans to one side and whatever else we were eating to the other, no mess on her face, little on her bib, and then there was me. Beans everywhere, all over my plate and table top thing and, my face look like i planted inside the bean pot, my bib looked like it had already cleaned up this mess once before. My dad tells it super well, especially because his voice cracks with his super silly laugh when remembering the image of us in his head. It apparently is extremely cute. The other memory comes from watching the tape at the Adams' house. It was the end of the day, the sun was setting behind the top of the front gate, My mother and hers holding us in their arms slightly silhouetted by the sunset in the background. They made us wave goodbye into the camera, which we didn't with no interest and no protest. Now, they said, we should kiss. I remember jumping behind my chair and piper jumped behind the couch she was sitting on. Our eyes connected as we each hit the ground with a smile of embarrassment but secretly wanting to kiss right then and there. At least that's how i felt. I watched us kiss, and our 1-year-old heads pulled away in laughter. It has to be one of the ten cutest things i've ever scene.
It's weird to connect yourself with a video image of you before you had progressive memory. I mean, there i am, a runt, barely a human, absorbing all i experiencing, saving not a drop in my conscience. Here i am, watching myself, absorbing very little, saving every precious second in the memory bank. I'm not sure, but i think it's weird. It certainly feels weird.
Eventually Julie Adams would be offered to teach in part of the choral department at Sacramento State, and they would move up there before piper and i were two. Chris, Piper's little brother, would be born 5 days after our 2nd birthday, and sean and marley would be born that christmas eve. Then the routine of visiting the Adams and our family up north every summer would begin and at christmas time the Adams would come down. In our later years, piper and i would swap birthday presents aside from the families swapping christmas girfts. As far back as i remember it's always been CDs. As a sample of cds i've bought for her are Dredg, Coheed & Cambria, Iron & Wine, U2, Pink floyd, and others. She's gotten me the Toy Dolls, Chick Corea with Bobby McFerrin, and stuff i've probably have taken advantage of. Every since they moved away, Piper and I always call each other on our birthday and catch up on the year. It really doesn't matter what we have to say, just learning about one another makes us smile.
There are specific memories I have relating to Piper. One would be the time i gave her i ring i got i think at an arcade. I had the biggest crush on her at the, a crush that would remain until high school. Years later we would talk about the ring on the way to her house from a park, I'd admit i liked her a lot and she said he liked me too. That summer we drove away and my dad told me to shout out something to her, something i didn't think about until i was back in my seat after shouting it out the window. I think it shocked her and our families when i screamed "GOODBYE MY SOULMATE!" That was a very embarrassing moment in the car and kinda ruined the ride home for a but. One other time when they were down here for Christmas she wore silver lip gloss, and i pointed it out to my dad in the car, and he promptly asked if i got any one me. To my shame, i said no. I really wanted to though. Another time comes from when we were at out mutual friend's parents house in the Sacramento County area, and we went out to my dad's car to listen to music. That was the first time i feel like i connected to her on a deeper level then just "hey, i'm supposed to be your soulmate." I don't even remember what we listened to, i just know that i was a super happy time for me. She drew a happy face on the front windshield and on the way home my mom yelled at me for doing it and even though i told her Piper did it she still took out some stupid anger she had built up out on me. I'm her stress ball. It's never really my fault why she's angry, she just squeezes me until i pop on a consistent basis. One other time we were walking around seal beach and i had a sample can of Axe in my pocket and because all the trash cans smelled bad i sprayed throughout the day the entire can into every trash can we went by. It pissed off my mom but made Piper laugh. That day we saw this Argentinian Artist's display at the art gallery and she and i loved it. I still have some of his postcards in my memories drawer. One of his paintings is in the Gaslamp and i always mention it when i'm there. One time when i was very small I had made a card by myself and in the inside there was a elementary picture of us holding hands on top of a hill under a rainbow. I used to have dreams of coming to her house and sleeping with her in her bed and kissing her at night. I really wasn't interested at having sex at the time of these dreams, i really couldn't picture it in my head, something of that feeling would happen in the dream and i always felt grown up when i woke up. From that reoccuring dream i think formulated the girl Alex that would be my girlfriend in my dreams. She was short, skinny, had brown hair, i think blue eyes, and she and i would kiss in parks and beds and hold hands and cuddle under moonlight. One year at her house all the kids put on a talent show of sorts where we lipped sang queen songs, Bicycle and we are the champions. One time she was running away from a crocodile, but that's all i remember expect that she was wearing this cool blue blouse and some jeans. One time our families met at the beach and piper and i went for a run together and just talked about things. This is about the time we really started connecting.
Then my parents divorce happened. Piper called me to make sure i was doing alright, and when i wasn't, we talked. I think we both discovered we had a lot in common on a very natural, human level, even without all the nostalgic content to our relationship. Her mom was diagnosed with cancer in her throat, i wish i could remember exactly where, but it really was upsetting piper, and that's a tragic understatement. We continued to talk with the oncoming months, and as a surprise to me, we became real friends. As the years have gone on and changed both of us separately, we've still remained similar, and that's where my story of this kind of relationship differs from most. She, like me, was really interested in philosophy and religion. She lives in a highly conservative town, but comes from a very liberal up-bringing. She started questioning the church and how she exists and I was doing the same thing. I used to pace this specific part of Ebell St. in between Pat and Stacy's house over broken asphalt. I still know exactly what that ground looks like. I'd put on my Tool jacket if it was cold, which it usually was. I've had some of the most amazing phone conversations in this jacket i still wear now as i type these words. I was able to talk to her about Alex and how i was getting emotionally screwed up and she's the only one that respected me enough to not tell me i was wrong in dating her. She implied, i think, that she would get out of the relationship, but i think she was the only one that really saw what i was trying to do and that was to become a stronger person. I haven't thanked that for her yet. I will the next time i talk to her. She is my philosophy buddy, which is a special kind of friend to have. We talk about the most important thing in life and that's how you live. She learns about all these religions from this off-beat instructor at her Catholic School and i learn about quantum physics and metaphysics and existentialism and we come to a common ground we're both looking for. She still hasn't seen What the Bleep do we Know?! I think she'll get a kick and a revelation out of that. She's so fantastic, I couldn't have asked for a more perfect soulmate. I think eventually i'd like to have the experience of dating her, even if it doesn't go beyond the first date, just to know that i've been there and the possibility won't haunt me for the rest of my life. I don't think i'm ready quite yet. I haven't grown up enough for that kind of adventure. My mom once told me that her family discourages me from dating her for reasons she wont let me, and that frustrates me, cause i'm really nothing like my mom in a relationship, i'm much more like my dad, as later entries will show. I'm totally ok and even happy with the idea of only being her friend for the rest of my life, that would be a dream come true, to have a friend my entire life. It's just....I would like to know what that is like. One of the strongest memories I have ever had was one of a dream. Piper and I were in our mid 20s, she came down to visit me in Long Beach, we walked around Naples (something our families like to do around christmas time with all the rich people houses) then to my place which is a small apartment on the second story in Naples. We have a glass of wine listening to this record i have yet to find, not even sure it exists, but i'll know it the moment i hear it. There's candle light and the walls of my house are a deep, velvet-like red. We walk into my bedroom and start kissing, fall on top of the bed, and much like they would do in a movie, the veiw pans from us in our pre-passion to the window. I wake up in a very confused state with stained sheets and the strongest sexual feeling i've ever had until recently. This might be weird for her or her family to read, but it's the truth, and i'm not ashamed of it. Every artist has his or her muse, and mine's been Piper my entire life. I'm so happy to have known her.
These last passages don't do enough credit to these people, but for now it's all i can muster. I will add more as time and memories occur.
Still to come: Drugs, jr. year, alex, allie, sex, bass, guitar, songwriting, therapy (lyle), philosophy, finding my own outlook on life, sean, marley, dad, mother, moving into my dads.
Jonathon Bryant Carreno (with a tilde on the "n") is responsible for so much of my sociality. After Ian, Jon was my best friend in middle school. My earliest memory of Jon was in 1st period P.E. with Mr. Maxson. I brought this CD i was just fascinated with, Audioslave's self titled album. I bought it after watching the music video for Cochise. Their intense sound of guitar and bass and drums scarred the living daylights out of me and gave me the adolescent angst which i had just recently discovered. I remember one time on the way to school with my mom, we were listening to the radio, Mark and Brain who run the morning show on KLOS, the classic rock station, and they were talking about Audioslave and how it's Rage Against the Machine with Chris Cornell singing and they thought it was amazing. Rage Against the Machine was the first real rock band i got into. The song Guerrilla Radio was on my favorite computer game, Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2, and when i beat the game i looked in the credibts to see who plays that song, found the name Rage Against the Machine, and put it on my christmas list of cds i wanted. I got their live CD and Rob Zombie's "Hellbilly Deluxe" that christmas, and that cd opened a whole new world of sound to me. They were raw frustration, something i was beginning to experience but didn't know how to express. The open up with "Bulls on Parade" and still that song gets me like few others do, trashing and crashing and raw emotion of passion. What stunned be most about Audioslave's sound was the vocalist who I later discovered to be Chris Cornell a man i would idolize to this day. He sounds like the old testament god, everything he's written is different from everyone else, and his voice is so romantic, darkly romantic, what educated people call gothic, but it's not like the gothic we're accustomed to, it's emotion of the purest form. It's so wonderful, you'd only really understand if you heard Cochise. I brought that cd to school with me with a cd played and some head phones and had jon listen to it, and he fell in love too. He bought the cd and gave me ones to listen to, mainly megadeth and mettalica, and i fell in love with metal and rock. I felt like i heard the voice i was searching for, and i was consumed by it. I bought so many cds, all i asked for from "santa" was cds, and it got to the point where i had to control myself. I figured out mathematically one day while i still lived at my old house how much money was spent on the cds in my collection. It was over $5,000. I still add members to my collection whenever i have the money to. I live up the street from Fingerprints, which is famous for its indie/alternative scene and the used cd section. I bought three new records today, Joni Mitchel-Blue (which is AMAZING! my mom doens't like joni mitchel so i never heard it growing up. but some people i've become really close to lately love her to death, so i decided to invest, and oh my god it's amazing. i fear i'll be spending a lot of money on her music) Morissey-Your Arsenal and Billy Joel-Piano Man (i didn't have it, so i got it).
Jon and i would become really close friends, spending almost all our free time with each other. My mom took him under her wing, considers him one of her other sons. He inspired me to play guitar, which i didn't take seriously until sophomore year. We started a band with him on guitar, me on bass and our friend on vocals. We called ourselves Murder to Nature, had one band practice where all we did was choose what songs we wanted to cover. It was mostly doors music and a aerosmith song. Jon had a weird habit where he would stop talking and we'd communicate through writing everything down. It was funny, kinda annoying, but i really didn't mind. He went through a lot of drama with this girl Chelsea in 8th grade. He asked me to write a poem for him about her, and i did, and he got an A on it i think. At least i'd like to think so. He's famous for his chin which every parent is in love with, especially my mom and Emily's.
When I edit this, i think i'll put Jon toward the beginning with Zak and Emily cause he's in so much of my life, it's hard to talk about most of my life without knowing who jon is.
Jon got me into most music i call my own now, and seeing how music is most of my life, Jon really changed my life a lot. To just mention a few: The Doors, Megadeth, Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Cream, David Bowie, Yes, Pink Floyd, The Who, The Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton......see what i mean? All these necessities in rock music came to me via Jonathon. I owe him so much, more than i can communicate.
If you know anything, ANYTHING about Jon, it's one of these two things: Argentina and Pink Floyd. He is in love with his heritage, he's very proud of his country. All his family is from there and all but his immediate family live there still, he feels so at home there. I used to come to his family dinners, and they all spoke spanish and loved how i played saxophone, jon and i used to duet and it was super fun. Our show closer was the Mission Impossible Theme. We were cool. Pink Floyd is his first true love. He has every record, every dvd and cassette tape and VHS and just anything you can think of. He let me burn every cd, and let me tell you, there's a lot of music out there. It's quite a thing to hear him talk about Pink Floyd, it's pretty awesome. Only more more thing is more awesome and that is hearing Jon commentate a soccer game in spanish. Next time you see him, ask him to do it. It's fantastic. Jon Introduced me to the movie The Doors and Austin Powers and Wayne's World, all 90s culture i wasn't exposed to, which saved my ass down the road. I just really got to learn myself with Jon, and i would never trade those experienced for anything. He's a genuinely good guy, he's got a cloudy past, but don't we all? He was the best friend i needed so desperately. So, thanks Jon, thank you so much for being my friend. You taught me how to be cool, how to get people to like me, how to let go and just be cool, and for that i could never repay you enough. Thank you.
Ok....Piper time. =]
For some of you reading this, you've had this friend you've known all your life, someone you're extremely close to just because of the history factor. You two probably aren't that similar, probably don't have anything in common expect the first part of your life, and if you were to know each other on different circumstances, you probably won't be close friends. My story, however, is far more joyous.
My parents, Matt and Jenny Balin, sang in the choir at Bixby Knolls Christian Church under the direction of Julie Adams who was married to Doug Adams, my mom's best friend from high school. By a strike of chance, both wives became pregnant at the same time, and this drew them closer together. The Adam's baby was due November 20-something and I was due in the later half of December. Both families had never had a baby before, so this pregnancy thing was fun to share. My aunt was pregnant too with my cousin brandon. This was a little more of a scare because the first time Lynn and Bill got pregnant they had a miscarriage. My Uncle Bill would later tell me in their house that it looked kinda like a rat, which is an image i haven't quite pieced together but the same blurry image comes into my head. Brandon was Born on November 30th, 1989, and it was exciting for the entire family and the Adams as well. Three days later, Julie and my Mother entered labor. My dad charted their labor pains while they watched Tequila Sunrise. The two of them were sent to different hospitals, i can't remember where they went, i doubt if i ever knew, and i'm not sure where i was born. On December 4th, 1989, at 8:11 in the morning, Piper Adams was born. And at 11:44 am, just a little over three and a half hours later, I was born. Our parents paraded us together as if we were twins. It had to be extremely cute. I've seen the tape of our first birthday party, it was at Disneyland. There was a specific scene i remember, mainly because it's one of my parent's favorite to tell, where we were eating beans at one of the resturants in disneyland and Piper's plate was super clean, super organized, beans to one side and whatever else we were eating to the other, no mess on her face, little on her bib, and then there was me. Beans everywhere, all over my plate and table top thing and, my face look like i planted inside the bean pot, my bib looked like it had already cleaned up this mess once before. My dad tells it super well, especially because his voice cracks with his super silly laugh when remembering the image of us in his head. It apparently is extremely cute. The other memory comes from watching the tape at the Adams' house. It was the end of the day, the sun was setting behind the top of the front gate, My mother and hers holding us in their arms slightly silhouetted by the sunset in the background. They made us wave goodbye into the camera, which we didn't with no interest and no protest. Now, they said, we should kiss. I remember jumping behind my chair and piper jumped behind the couch she was sitting on. Our eyes connected as we each hit the ground with a smile of embarrassment but secretly wanting to kiss right then and there. At least that's how i felt. I watched us kiss, and our 1-year-old heads pulled away in laughter. It has to be one of the ten cutest things i've ever scene.
It's weird to connect yourself with a video image of you before you had progressive memory. I mean, there i am, a runt, barely a human, absorbing all i experiencing, saving not a drop in my conscience. Here i am, watching myself, absorbing very little, saving every precious second in the memory bank. I'm not sure, but i think it's weird. It certainly feels weird.
Eventually Julie Adams would be offered to teach in part of the choral department at Sacramento State, and they would move up there before piper and i were two. Chris, Piper's little brother, would be born 5 days after our 2nd birthday, and sean and marley would be born that christmas eve. Then the routine of visiting the Adams and our family up north every summer would begin and at christmas time the Adams would come down. In our later years, piper and i would swap birthday presents aside from the families swapping christmas girfts. As far back as i remember it's always been CDs. As a sample of cds i've bought for her are Dredg, Coheed & Cambria, Iron & Wine, U2, Pink floyd, and others. She's gotten me the Toy Dolls, Chick Corea with Bobby McFerrin, and stuff i've probably have taken advantage of. Every since they moved away, Piper and I always call each other on our birthday and catch up on the year. It really doesn't matter what we have to say, just learning about one another makes us smile.
There are specific memories I have relating to Piper. One would be the time i gave her i ring i got i think at an arcade. I had the biggest crush on her at the, a crush that would remain until high school. Years later we would talk about the ring on the way to her house from a park, I'd admit i liked her a lot and she said he liked me too. That summer we drove away and my dad told me to shout out something to her, something i didn't think about until i was back in my seat after shouting it out the window. I think it shocked her and our families when i screamed "GOODBYE MY SOULMATE!" That was a very embarrassing moment in the car and kinda ruined the ride home for a but. One other time when they were down here for Christmas she wore silver lip gloss, and i pointed it out to my dad in the car, and he promptly asked if i got any one me. To my shame, i said no. I really wanted to though. Another time comes from when we were at out mutual friend's parents house in the Sacramento County area, and we went out to my dad's car to listen to music. That was the first time i feel like i connected to her on a deeper level then just "hey, i'm supposed to be your soulmate." I don't even remember what we listened to, i just know that i was a super happy time for me. She drew a happy face on the front windshield and on the way home my mom yelled at me for doing it and even though i told her Piper did it she still took out some stupid anger she had built up out on me. I'm her stress ball. It's never really my fault why she's angry, she just squeezes me until i pop on a consistent basis. One other time we were walking around seal beach and i had a sample can of Axe in my pocket and because all the trash cans smelled bad i sprayed throughout the day the entire can into every trash can we went by. It pissed off my mom but made Piper laugh. That day we saw this Argentinian Artist's display at the art gallery and she and i loved it. I still have some of his postcards in my memories drawer. One of his paintings is in the Gaslamp and i always mention it when i'm there. One time when i was very small I had made a card by myself and in the inside there was a elementary picture of us holding hands on top of a hill under a rainbow. I used to have dreams of coming to her house and sleeping with her in her bed and kissing her at night. I really wasn't interested at having sex at the time of these dreams, i really couldn't picture it in my head, something of that feeling would happen in the dream and i always felt grown up when i woke up. From that reoccuring dream i think formulated the girl Alex that would be my girlfriend in my dreams. She was short, skinny, had brown hair, i think blue eyes, and she and i would kiss in parks and beds and hold hands and cuddle under moonlight. One year at her house all the kids put on a talent show of sorts where we lipped sang queen songs, Bicycle and we are the champions. One time she was running away from a crocodile, but that's all i remember expect that she was wearing this cool blue blouse and some jeans. One time our families met at the beach and piper and i went for a run together and just talked about things. This is about the time we really started connecting.
Then my parents divorce happened. Piper called me to make sure i was doing alright, and when i wasn't, we talked. I think we both discovered we had a lot in common on a very natural, human level, even without all the nostalgic content to our relationship. Her mom was diagnosed with cancer in her throat, i wish i could remember exactly where, but it really was upsetting piper, and that's a tragic understatement. We continued to talk with the oncoming months, and as a surprise to me, we became real friends. As the years have gone on and changed both of us separately, we've still remained similar, and that's where my story of this kind of relationship differs from most. She, like me, was really interested in philosophy and religion. She lives in a highly conservative town, but comes from a very liberal up-bringing. She started questioning the church and how she exists and I was doing the same thing. I used to pace this specific part of Ebell St. in between Pat and Stacy's house over broken asphalt. I still know exactly what that ground looks like. I'd put on my Tool jacket if it was cold, which it usually was. I've had some of the most amazing phone conversations in this jacket i still wear now as i type these words. I was able to talk to her about Alex and how i was getting emotionally screwed up and she's the only one that respected me enough to not tell me i was wrong in dating her. She implied, i think, that she would get out of the relationship, but i think she was the only one that really saw what i was trying to do and that was to become a stronger person. I haven't thanked that for her yet. I will the next time i talk to her. She is my philosophy buddy, which is a special kind of friend to have. We talk about the most important thing in life and that's how you live. She learns about all these religions from this off-beat instructor at her Catholic School and i learn about quantum physics and metaphysics and existentialism and we come to a common ground we're both looking for. She still hasn't seen What the Bleep do we Know?! I think she'll get a kick and a revelation out of that. She's so fantastic, I couldn't have asked for a more perfect soulmate. I think eventually i'd like to have the experience of dating her, even if it doesn't go beyond the first date, just to know that i've been there and the possibility won't haunt me for the rest of my life. I don't think i'm ready quite yet. I haven't grown up enough for that kind of adventure. My mom once told me that her family discourages me from dating her for reasons she wont let me, and that frustrates me, cause i'm really nothing like my mom in a relationship, i'm much more like my dad, as later entries will show. I'm totally ok and even happy with the idea of only being her friend for the rest of my life, that would be a dream come true, to have a friend my entire life. It's just....I would like to know what that is like. One of the strongest memories I have ever had was one of a dream. Piper and I were in our mid 20s, she came down to visit me in Long Beach, we walked around Naples (something our families like to do around christmas time with all the rich people houses) then to my place which is a small apartment on the second story in Naples. We have a glass of wine listening to this record i have yet to find, not even sure it exists, but i'll know it the moment i hear it. There's candle light and the walls of my house are a deep, velvet-like red. We walk into my bedroom and start kissing, fall on top of the bed, and much like they would do in a movie, the veiw pans from us in our pre-passion to the window. I wake up in a very confused state with stained sheets and the strongest sexual feeling i've ever had until recently. This might be weird for her or her family to read, but it's the truth, and i'm not ashamed of it. Every artist has his or her muse, and mine's been Piper my entire life. I'm so happy to have known her.
These last passages don't do enough credit to these people, but for now it's all i can muster. I will add more as time and memories occur.
Still to come: Drugs, jr. year, alex, allie, sex, bass, guitar, songwriting, therapy (lyle), philosophy, finding my own outlook on life, sean, marley, dad, mother, moving into my dads.