Sleepless in Sydney (again)
My assignments for the term are done, I should have some time to catch up on much needed sleep. Yet I find that I simply can't get to sleep. I've craved and resisted the urge to slumber when I was working on assignments like a madman posessed for the past two weeks but now when I have this golden opportunity on my lap; I can't seem to capitalize on it.
It seems that everytime I switch off the lights and lie down for the night, my thoughts would eventually turn to the one thing that's been tugging at my heartstrings for a few days now.
It's senseless, stupid, trivial and fucked up among many other things but what really annoys me is that I can't seem to help but feel this way.
I drive myself near-insane flipping open my phone, scrolling down to that number with a finger hovering over the call button. I stare at a spotless white screen with that blinking vertical cursor and arguing with myself as to whether to type down all the words I want to say and sending it over. I'm going batshit loco over THIS?!
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Even as I'm typing this, my eyes keep veering over to the phone sitting on the table next to my laptop being charged via USB. This is the wonder of modern technology and the power of the human psyche fusing into fucked up insomnia; it's fucking electric and I'm going ga-ga without the radio.
Ask me what I really want to do at this point and I'd say that I'd want to jump into a quick change of clothes, hop on the nearest bus or hail a cab and get my ass into the city with the remote hope that I'd run into her somehow.
Pathetic?
Hell Yes.
Hopefully I can get to sleep eventually and get on with tomorrow's program; a late-afternoon/evening session at the gym where I can hopefully excercise myself to a good night's sleep and better health in the long run.
Until then, it's me in my room wondering what the fuck is going on.