"there are places i remember all my life...in my life i've loved them all"
im extremely excited to be recording a sort of epiphany i had tonight....a realization of sorts about growing up. i don't have any profound statement that i have just now understood or come to recognize, i'm just okay with growing up.
onstage, as everyone knows, has been a large part of my life since 7th grade. every summer has undoubtedly been dedicated to onstage's shows and the friends i've had there. this summer, my first summer in 7 years not being in an onstage show, was a big step for me. it sounds dramatic and maybe even ridiculous for some that im noting this, but to me, its kind of a huge deal.
nothing in my life was ever as sure or as right as onstage. it just worked for me. sure, nothing was perfect. i didnt click with everyone, not everyone loved me, the shows weren't flawless, nothing was at all near perfect. the experience i had with onstage, though, was what i consider perfect. the good, the bad, i loved it all. indian hills to ramsey back to hills...i learned so much and truly grew up with it, and from it.
so this summer was quite different from my past summers. different company, new people, new procedures, a hell of a lot more rehearsal and 15 more shows. never afraid of the unfamiliar, i approached it with a positive attitude and certainly had another amazing summer. amazing show, amazing cast, amazing experience. but i knew coming out of it (which i didnt even properly conclude due to mono), it wasn't onstage..
i returned to onstage (however late..again boo mono) knowing everything would be different. i wasn't in the show. i hadn't been in the previous show. i was just there to help out debbie and be involved, because i wanted to be. i honestly love where i am now. the first day, i was pretty excited to be well-received...didn't wanna seem like a regular groupie just hanging around cuz i can't get away, didn't want to be too overbearing (although i do love giving out my nazi notes haha), and didn't want to be too excluded. those precautions were completely unnecessary when i felt right in the swing of things after that first night. sure, i was still semi-regretting not doing the show, and longed to be on the stage singing all my favorite songs and tapping! but tonight, that changed. i sat there in the pit, a place i rarely see a show from, and felt perfectly content with myself.
the show was amazing. the audience loved it. as much as i wanted to be up there with everyone, i knew it was okay that i wasnt. i went out with the cast after, good ol' fridays, and stayed 45minutes after the last cast memeber left. i sat with mike meyers and thought about how much has changed since our first onstage shows. i realized then that not only has onstage changed, but i have completely grown up. im a completely different person. and it's okay that im not in onstage shows anymore. it's ok that im still friends with everyone and still semi-associated with the productions, but i can say goodbye to everyone and not feel obliged to run out into the parking lot for an extra hour. i sat there with mike, with interjections from jamie, my love, who was coincedentally our waitor, and the three of us realized that we're old. we're onstage veterans. we arent gung-ho obsessed, but it holds the key to our teenage summers and personally, my theatre heart. sure, i learned a lot from onstage about the theatre basics, but more importantly, i learned to love theatre. my passion started and blossomed there. i feel like as the years progressed, the passion onstage is known for has slowly declined. i wonder how many people still care. the people i know still at onstage do care. i just hope the new, younger kids are learning as much (not even about theatre, but about people and passion and life) as i did, and truly getting the amazing experience that onstage is known for
as much as i love onstage, i know it's pretty much a part of my past, performing-wise. i would love to come back and assistant direct or someday direct. my heart is with onstage and always will be. but tonight, i finally became content with realizing that i grew up. i love everyone to death and i truly thank everyone for their contribution, however big or small, to my onstage experience..because that experience has remarkably affected my life. for the better.
this started as a blog for my own memory, but it sort of turned into a thank u note because a bunch of onstagers do read this. i just hope u guys can agree with me on my sentiments regarding onstage and know that i really love you. 42nd street cast - great job tonight! kick ass again tomorrow! it's been a pleasure..
xoxo stef*
onstage, as everyone knows, has been a large part of my life since 7th grade. every summer has undoubtedly been dedicated to onstage's shows and the friends i've had there. this summer, my first summer in 7 years not being in an onstage show, was a big step for me. it sounds dramatic and maybe even ridiculous for some that im noting this, but to me, its kind of a huge deal.
nothing in my life was ever as sure or as right as onstage. it just worked for me. sure, nothing was perfect. i didnt click with everyone, not everyone loved me, the shows weren't flawless, nothing was at all near perfect. the experience i had with onstage, though, was what i consider perfect. the good, the bad, i loved it all. indian hills to ramsey back to hills...i learned so much and truly grew up with it, and from it.
so this summer was quite different from my past summers. different company, new people, new procedures, a hell of a lot more rehearsal and 15 more shows. never afraid of the unfamiliar, i approached it with a positive attitude and certainly had another amazing summer. amazing show, amazing cast, amazing experience. but i knew coming out of it (which i didnt even properly conclude due to mono), it wasn't onstage..
i returned to onstage (however late..again boo mono) knowing everything would be different. i wasn't in the show. i hadn't been in the previous show. i was just there to help out debbie and be involved, because i wanted to be. i honestly love where i am now. the first day, i was pretty excited to be well-received...didn't wanna seem like a regular groupie just hanging around cuz i can't get away, didn't want to be too overbearing (although i do love giving out my nazi notes haha), and didn't want to be too excluded. those precautions were completely unnecessary when i felt right in the swing of things after that first night. sure, i was still semi-regretting not doing the show, and longed to be on the stage singing all my favorite songs and tapping! but tonight, that changed. i sat there in the pit, a place i rarely see a show from, and felt perfectly content with myself.
the show was amazing. the audience loved it. as much as i wanted to be up there with everyone, i knew it was okay that i wasnt. i went out with the cast after, good ol' fridays, and stayed 45minutes after the last cast memeber left. i sat with mike meyers and thought about how much has changed since our first onstage shows. i realized then that not only has onstage changed, but i have completely grown up. im a completely different person. and it's okay that im not in onstage shows anymore. it's ok that im still friends with everyone and still semi-associated with the productions, but i can say goodbye to everyone and not feel obliged to run out into the parking lot for an extra hour. i sat there with mike, with interjections from jamie, my love, who was coincedentally our waitor, and the three of us realized that we're old. we're onstage veterans. we arent gung-ho obsessed, but it holds the key to our teenage summers and personally, my theatre heart. sure, i learned a lot from onstage about the theatre basics, but more importantly, i learned to love theatre. my passion started and blossomed there. i feel like as the years progressed, the passion onstage is known for has slowly declined. i wonder how many people still care. the people i know still at onstage do care. i just hope the new, younger kids are learning as much (not even about theatre, but about people and passion and life) as i did, and truly getting the amazing experience that onstage is known for
as much as i love onstage, i know it's pretty much a part of my past, performing-wise. i would love to come back and assistant direct or someday direct. my heart is with onstage and always will be. but tonight, i finally became content with realizing that i grew up. i love everyone to death and i truly thank everyone for their contribution, however big or small, to my onstage experience..because that experience has remarkably affected my life. for the better.
this started as a blog for my own memory, but it sort of turned into a thank u note because a bunch of onstagers do read this. i just hope u guys can agree with me on my sentiments regarding onstage and know that i really love you. 42nd street cast - great job tonight! kick ass again tomorrow! it's been a pleasure..
xoxo stef*