I need to grow some fucking balls
God I hate myself right now. I have to be the biggest, most timid loser ever.
I really need to have it beaten into me that A) I have complete control of my actions, B) If I offend someone who cares, and C) What other people think of me doesn't matter, fuck em. I'm seriously fucking my own self up if I'm worried about how other people may feel about my actions.
Explanation:
I was looking for leather cord. It's leather cut to be about 1mm in width, and square in cross section. I figured it may be at a shoe store. So I go to a tiny mom & pop shoe store and ask him where the shoelaces were, thinking they'd be on a wall somewhere. He starts asking me about the size of the boot and how tall it is in inches (it wasn't for a boot though), and then goes through all this trouble and then gives me about 2 feet of nylon boot lace. I figured he'd have the laces on display somewhere. I ended up spending about a buck on the bootlace even though I didn't need it, because I felt so silly going in there and not buying anything, and he went through such trouble to find it...
And then later, at a local mom&pop crafts store, not one but TWO people asked me what I was looking for and I said I didn't need help, like the stubborn ass I am.
Like an idiot, I refused to ask either of them for leather cord/string, because I thought it sounded stupid to ask for it. And I didn't want to look stupid. But because I was too afraid of looking stupid, I ended up BEING stupid. Maybe the shoe store or craft store had leather cord behind the counter or something. I doubt they would have thought me THAT stupid, and if they did, if I made a fool of myself, fuck it. I don't know them and their opinions don't matter.
It's like that time I took the guitar to the shop. I just wanted an estimate to fix the broken part, and he takes the guitar, looks at it, puts a tag on it, and says it will be done in a few days. I had to squeeze an estimate out of him. And I just left it there, instead of saying "Hey, I just wanted an estimate, if you can't give me one I'll go somewhere else, have a nice day." Because I was afraid of offending him by telling him I wanted estimates from other shops as well. It ended up costing me $30 and they only replaced one broken tuning knob, volume knobs, and cleaned a pickup.
I'm afraid of looking stupid, I'm afraid of confronting people, I'm afraid of making a fool out of myself, and I get into situations that screw me over like this. I should just know when to say NO, when to say No thanks, when to say "Fuck you". I am in control of my own self and I need to learn to control the situations instead of being controlled.
I notice this mostly happens in small mom & pop shops though. I wonder if it's a tactic they use to try to get people into something they can't back out of and they have to pay money. Like the guy at the guitar shop, just taking my guitar and tagging it when I was asking him for an estimate on repairs. Clever fucker, that's why I'll never go to him again. I don't have this problem as much at big box stores.
Also, I tend to be too timid when it comes to groups in general, groups of friends especially. Not willing to stand up for my own wants and needs because I fear hurting feelings and stepping on toes. But I need to force myself to remember that my wants DO MATTER.
I really need to have it beaten into me that A) I have complete control of my actions, B) If I offend someone who cares, and C) What other people think of me doesn't matter, fuck em. I'm seriously fucking my own self up if I'm worried about how other people may feel about my actions.
Explanation:
I was looking for leather cord. It's leather cut to be about 1mm in width, and square in cross section. I figured it may be at a shoe store. So I go to a tiny mom & pop shoe store and ask him where the shoelaces were, thinking they'd be on a wall somewhere. He starts asking me about the size of the boot and how tall it is in inches (it wasn't for a boot though), and then goes through all this trouble and then gives me about 2 feet of nylon boot lace. I figured he'd have the laces on display somewhere. I ended up spending about a buck on the bootlace even though I didn't need it, because I felt so silly going in there and not buying anything, and he went through such trouble to find it...
And then later, at a local mom&pop crafts store, not one but TWO people asked me what I was looking for and I said I didn't need help, like the stubborn ass I am.
Like an idiot, I refused to ask either of them for leather cord/string, because I thought it sounded stupid to ask for it. And I didn't want to look stupid. But because I was too afraid of looking stupid, I ended up BEING stupid. Maybe the shoe store or craft store had leather cord behind the counter or something. I doubt they would have thought me THAT stupid, and if they did, if I made a fool of myself, fuck it. I don't know them and their opinions don't matter.
It's like that time I took the guitar to the shop. I just wanted an estimate to fix the broken part, and he takes the guitar, looks at it, puts a tag on it, and says it will be done in a few days. I had to squeeze an estimate out of him. And I just left it there, instead of saying "Hey, I just wanted an estimate, if you can't give me one I'll go somewhere else, have a nice day." Because I was afraid of offending him by telling him I wanted estimates from other shops as well. It ended up costing me $30 and they only replaced one broken tuning knob, volume knobs, and cleaned a pickup.
I'm afraid of looking stupid, I'm afraid of confronting people, I'm afraid of making a fool out of myself, and I get into situations that screw me over like this. I should just know when to say NO, when to say No thanks, when to say "Fuck you". I am in control of my own self and I need to learn to control the situations instead of being controlled.
I notice this mostly happens in small mom & pop shops though. I wonder if it's a tactic they use to try to get people into something they can't back out of and they have to pay money. Like the guy at the guitar shop, just taking my guitar and tagging it when I was asking him for an estimate on repairs. Clever fucker, that's why I'll never go to him again. I don't have this problem as much at big box stores.
Also, I tend to be too timid when it comes to groups in general, groups of friends especially. Not willing to stand up for my own wants and needs because I fear hurting feelings and stepping on toes. But I need to force myself to remember that my wants DO MATTER.