Felt kinda depressed on Sunday
I sometimes get into these funks... The good thing is usually I just sleep it off and then I'm right as rain.
In this case, for some reason I felt really depressed. I felt like I fail at life.
Maybe it was looking at pr0n, which is why I try not to look at it much. It reminds me that I'm single. I think "Hey I wish I could be in the middle of that pile of squirming lesbians... sigh." (They were squirming because they got tangled playing Twister lol)
The problem is, I think, is I suck at attracting the opposite sex. I'm not exactly that attractive, but even worse, I don't know how to flirt. I suck at flirting. I'm not like most men that seem to know exactly what to say and how to act to show their interest. One guy told me I should hit on a strip-club worker, just tell her how hot I think she is and how nice her body/boobs are and how badly I want to get into them. Honestly I would have no idea how to do that, plus I think that's beneath me, because that feels like I'm just objectifying women, plus god knows what diseases she may have.
I fail at relationships.
I do realize that it's entirely my fault and I can't just wait for a woman to fall on me. I have to go out and search, and that's where I fail, because I fail at flirting and hitting on women. Dating sites are an option I have not done and may consider, however, being that my income sucks ass, I'd almost hate to date someone when I'm flat broke.
Speaking of that, I also fail at having a career. The other thing I was depressed about is my current job situation.
Right now I do not have enough money to pay more than a month or two of rent, and unless I get a better job I will run out of money by end of summer. I am looking for a second job but don't know what I'll get.
One of my biggest fears, and what really made me depressed, is the fear I'll be doing minimum wage jobs past my 40s. I want a real job. I want a job where I feel like I'm doing something useful. I want a job where I feel important. I want a job where I feel like I matter, that I'm doing something for the world. Not cleaning tables or running registers.
And the worst part of it is I feel all of this is my fault, that I'm lazy, that I'm not trying hard enough or doing the right thing or knowing the right people.
Of course after a good night's sleep I felt better but I think I need to fix my life.
In this case, for some reason I felt really depressed. I felt like I fail at life.
Maybe it was looking at pr0n, which is why I try not to look at it much. It reminds me that I'm single. I think "Hey I wish I could be in the middle of that pile of squirming lesbians... sigh." (They were squirming because they got tangled playing Twister lol)
The problem is, I think, is I suck at attracting the opposite sex. I'm not exactly that attractive, but even worse, I don't know how to flirt. I suck at flirting. I'm not like most men that seem to know exactly what to say and how to act to show their interest. One guy told me I should hit on a strip-club worker, just tell her how hot I think she is and how nice her body/boobs are and how badly I want to get into them. Honestly I would have no idea how to do that, plus I think that's beneath me, because that feels like I'm just objectifying women, plus god knows what diseases she may have.
I fail at relationships.
I do realize that it's entirely my fault and I can't just wait for a woman to fall on me. I have to go out and search, and that's where I fail, because I fail at flirting and hitting on women. Dating sites are an option I have not done and may consider, however, being that my income sucks ass, I'd almost hate to date someone when I'm flat broke.
Speaking of that, I also fail at having a career. The other thing I was depressed about is my current job situation.
Right now I do not have enough money to pay more than a month or two of rent, and unless I get a better job I will run out of money by end of summer. I am looking for a second job but don't know what I'll get.
One of my biggest fears, and what really made me depressed, is the fear I'll be doing minimum wage jobs past my 40s. I want a real job. I want a job where I feel like I'm doing something useful. I want a job where I feel important. I want a job where I feel like I matter, that I'm doing something for the world. Not cleaning tables or running registers.
And the worst part of it is I feel all of this is my fault, that I'm lazy, that I'm not trying hard enough or doing the right thing or knowing the right people.
Of course after a good night's sleep I felt better but I think I need to fix my life.