Brother...
Or bro for short. It gets thrown about so easily as a greeting or just a descriptor for someone. You know? "What's up, brother?" or "He's just my bro." and the like. I know I use it jokingly but, for a select few, I mean the, I guess you would call it, 'title' seriously. I've never had a brother. At least not a blood one. It's just been my sister and me and we really don't relate in any kind of way. She's into her own thing, I'm into mine. That's how it is. But one thing's for sure. You disrespect her, or God forbid, lay a hand on her, expect to get cut down. Then there's my dad. Only recently have we had a relationship that wasn't mirroring Drill Sergeant and soldier as it had been up until my 18th birthday. The very second I hit supposed manhood, we've revamped. Went from father and son to buddy-buddy. He talks to me like I'm his best friend and, many times, the reverse is true as well. But, despite this, there's still this gap between him and me. You know? The usual age type/generation type of thing. Maybe that's why I am the way I am. I enjoy things from a bygone era because I once tried to impress, tried to further understand him on a level he wouldn't speak on when I was younger and, since then, it's stuck. My musical likes, the way I dress, the way I speak and act are all a testament to him.
But the fact remains, I never really had someone who was on my level agewise to look up to. I take that back. I now have no one on my level agewise. I've had a few people in my life. Those I've tried to establish that relationship with and, for the most part, it worked while they were still here. Close friends of the family and cousins that looked out for me, showed me the ropes to survive and how to fit in in any situation. But, for a couple, they also shone as beacons, as symbols of who I don't want to become and, in a way, fueled me to push myself despite how stagnant my life is at the moment. Each relationship was short lived, each deep conversation now a testament to their memory despite how many would remember their deaths. Jermaine? Gunned down in 2002. Jeremey? Likewise in 2007. Will? Died in a car accident on his way home from NYU. Each had their own goals and, for the most part, each had made an effort to change their lives for the better prior to their tragic ends. But the fact remains: No more close mentors, no more close teachers. I've learned to live with that fact. It didn't hurt as much as it did a few months ago, but it's still fresh in my mind.
But this is why I'm thankful to the people I truly care about in my life. People who've imparted wisdom, given hugs, or simply gave a concerned nod my way in times of need and, to those same people, I only wish I've done the same for you. I'm not going to name names at all because you know who you are. Chances are I've actually called you my bro or brother and I mean it. If I haven't, it doesn't matter. Y'all are some of my closest friends, some people I can speak freely with; something I've been real tentative to do with the people I interact with on the daily. The fact is, y'all are cool people. I'm more than happy with playing the role of big brother to some and distant friend to others. I just hope things are, and stay, well with you all. You've filled a void that I never let on was there. And I thank you.
Peace,
Big Brother D
But the fact remains, I never really had someone who was on my level agewise to look up to. I take that back. I now have no one on my level agewise. I've had a few people in my life. Those I've tried to establish that relationship with and, for the most part, it worked while they were still here. Close friends of the family and cousins that looked out for me, showed me the ropes to survive and how to fit in in any situation. But, for a couple, they also shone as beacons, as symbols of who I don't want to become and, in a way, fueled me to push myself despite how stagnant my life is at the moment. Each relationship was short lived, each deep conversation now a testament to their memory despite how many would remember their deaths. Jermaine? Gunned down in 2002. Jeremey? Likewise in 2007. Will? Died in a car accident on his way home from NYU. Each had their own goals and, for the most part, each had made an effort to change their lives for the better prior to their tragic ends. But the fact remains: No more close mentors, no more close teachers. I've learned to live with that fact. It didn't hurt as much as it did a few months ago, but it's still fresh in my mind.
But this is why I'm thankful to the people I truly care about in my life. People who've imparted wisdom, given hugs, or simply gave a concerned nod my way in times of need and, to those same people, I only wish I've done the same for you. I'm not going to name names at all because you know who you are. Chances are I've actually called you my bro or brother and I mean it. If I haven't, it doesn't matter. Y'all are some of my closest friends, some people I can speak freely with; something I've been real tentative to do with the people I interact with on the daily. The fact is, y'all are cool people. I'm more than happy with playing the role of big brother to some and distant friend to others. I just hope things are, and stay, well with you all. You've filled a void that I never let on was there. And I thank you.
Peace,
Big Brother D