idk...
MY life is in a emotional roller coaster right now and i just want to get off it... My dad is going back into the hospital again.. Hes going to have surgery on monday ad then in about month- 8 weeks he is going to have surgery once again... I just don't understand why this can't be over for him.. i hope this finally cures his problem.. poor guy.. it hurts to have a love one close to you always be in the hospital... my life is sucking pretty bad right now.. i don't know what i want anymore.. i know im gonig to college but idk where im gonig to go.. sudch a big descion.. there are a couple of people that want me to move back uup here. but now im just not sure with my dad having to be back in the hospital cause if something ratiuonal happens i want to be able to be there in a heartbeat but again there is nothing for me down there so i kinda want to go to school up here too.. i just dunno its a big mother fucking descion... my mom just found out about ecu... :/ o boy.. she is on my shit now.. god its not my fault at one point your accepted the next your not.. wtf you want me to do damnit fucking call them and tell them my mom uis upset so ya gotta let me come in!!!... I used to thnik things happen for a reson but im giving up on that belief now.. because im starting to thnik that it is not true..so many things have been happening latley that make that sound untrue... i just love to be single... it sucks... i always think of the old times i had... but im gonig to start to let them go i hoope cause all that shit is fucking keeping me down and since im here with spano i want to be happy but first i need to let this shit go and get it out of my head... maybe some day i will find that someone out there so this can all go AWAY!!!.. need to start to go out again.. need to find new people since there are only a couple of true firneds i have left.. need to find kids in nc.. but its hard to trust anyone anymore because there is a sdomeobe who took that and shoved it dionw my throat and that has just killedme.. well... sometimes i just wanna give up... but i know that uisn't the answer... but i really don't know what is either... i just wish god would sen dme a fucking sign down.. cause i need something to guide me.. something.... God if your listening... i need your help.. now more than any.. i have to much shit on my mind.. i just need some guaidence and i don't know where to turn too... i just wish you could put me on the right path in life and then direct me where to go so i can realieve all this stress and shtit im dealing with... aight thanks god.. just help me plzzz... blah... well im gonig to go... i htnik im gonig to go to sleep.. hopefully forever... :/.. blah