(no subject)
I'm finding it hard to piece myself together after a huge fallout (A short synopsis of the last weeks events: Dad got pissed at me, wanted to kick me out, I wanted to go, we shoved each other around quite a bit, no punches thrown, I leave, come back to get stuff, Mom convinces me to stay, I get psychiatrically (sp?) evaluated). It's been a long time since I've been angry. Frustrated at times, getting in one stupid (stupid being the key word) fight just for the hell of it, but angry? It feels like it's been years. I used to get angry like that all of the time. Usually followed by rather large bouts of depression. I thought I'd outgrown it. I thought I'd matured past this crap. Back to square one. Part of me keeps hoping to get hit by a bus, or a stray bullet, just something to make it all end. I won't kill myself, because that's a cheap way out. But I can honestly say that if I were diagnosed with inoperable cancer tomorrow, part of me would be thrilled. Then there's the other side of me saying everything is fine, stop worrying, it's all part of life and you'll get past this part just like you always have. But I'm sick of getting past all of it. I'm sick of being depressed. I'm being put on Zoloft and taken off of Paxil. I'm really tired of having to take a pill to bring me back to even par. I think for the first time, the part that wants it all to be over with outweighs the other.
In short, if you see me, give me a damn hug and tell me life is worth living. Because part of me knows it is.
In short, if you see me, give me a damn hug and tell me life is worth living. Because part of me knows it is.