Gotta...shake you off.
Today marks 15 months for James and I.
So, I thought I'd take this time to get things off my chest. You are officially forwarned; this will be a long entry.
I've had a headache for the past four days. My mom informed me that it's hayfever season...the ONE thing that I have an allergy to. So, I guess that explains the headache. I skipped work tonight because of it. I tried to sleep after James left...but I just couldn't do it. I hope it goes away by tomorrow morning...seeing as how I finally have a job interview tomorrow, and I have to work again at HCO. Hopefully they're not pissed at me. Everytime I stand up, I have this striking pain on the right side of my forehead, and I feel like I'll either fall over or just plainly black out. That's hard to act like I don't notice it. I think I've taken enough medicine in the past couple of days to last me for the next year. True story.
I really hope I get this job. The lady seemed to like me, and it seems as though she'll hire me. Hopefully I'm not getting my hopes up like normal.
My mom still thinks I work at Kohl's. I don't have the heart to tell her I don't...I let her down too much as it is. So, if I get this job, I can tell her the truth. Sort of. Ehh, I feel like such a bad daughter.
I want a new car.
I want a good paying job. That I actually like.
I want my haircut.
I want my own place.
I want to never be sick again.
I want to rid myself of headaches for the rest of my life.
I want everything to be in my name. Car, insurance, phone. ETC.
I want to be completely independent. Like I've always wanted.
I want to be financially stable.
I want to be fit.
I want to enjoy my life.
I want so many things. SO many things. It's like that mirror in Harry Potter. "A truely happy man would look in the mirror and only see himself." Ha, if I looked in that mirror, I think I wouldn't even see myself...The mirror would be too full. With more then likely useless things. I'm so materialistic sometimes.
But really, if I had a good job, a newer, working car, and everything in my name, and the ability to be independent...I'd be happier than ever. Really. That's all I want. I hate being dependent on my parents, specially when I don't even live with them. Him, I mean. I'm not dependent on my mother whatsoever. Except for her opinion here and there.
Um, I'm really worried about my license. It expired Saturday...but my dad said there's like a 30 day grace period. Ehhh...is that true? Anyone? I went to go get it renewed, but as of July 1st, you now need either your birth certificate or passport to renew it. FREAKING GAY. My MOM has my birth certificate...all the way in fucking Tennessee. Does me a lot of good, eh? So, I have to order a new one...let's see how long this takes.
I went Mystic tanning yesterday. It was interesting.
I love James. Plain, flat out. I feel weird when I think about it. I'm living with my boyfriend. LIVING with him. I sleep next to him every night, see him every morning, eat with him, work with him, in love with him. Am I growing up to fast? Am I too young to be truely in love? I think that's what I'm scared of. I mean, c'mon. How many high schoolers do you hear going "OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!" Then, a week later, they break up and hate each other, never to speak to one another again. Really, I could see myself married to James. Ehhh...married, bad word. I feel like whenever I bring it up, I'm the only one to say anything about it...I feel one-sided to this matter. Does he think the same thing? Does he love me as much as I love him? Does he think the same things I think? I hope so...really, I'd be crushed if he didn't. But I refuse to get my hopes up on this...not like I haven't already, but, I would die if I was the only one. Our relationship has improved so much recently...I'm still wondering how we did it. It just...got better. We really don't fight...except for the very few stupid ones, but even those are okay. By okay I mean, within the first like 10 minutes (after we both get our anger out) we realize how retarded we're being, and we snap out of it. I'm happy. He's happy. I hope so, anyway. He seems happy.
I finally come to realizations in my relationship. Okay, James is not out to get every other girl. He's out to get me, and me alone. Okay, girls think he's cute, hot, whatever...but he's MINE. MINEMINEMINEMINEMINE. Yes? Yes. I live with him, sleep with him, confide in him, and so much more. He loves me, and me alone. Not past girlfriends, no other girls. Although, I still have my hate for a few of them...but, hey, let me have that much. I hope he is realizing these same things. I love him. I LOVE HIM. No one else. NOBODY. I want him. WANT ONLY HIM. So what I have guy friends. Fuck all them, I love James. He's my boyfriend, he has my heart. Him, alone.
Happy 15, honey. <3
Why does Hollister have associates call and confirm shifts? Ehh...that's really stupid.
I hope I get this other job. I'd be happy. I'd have more money. I could buy a car. I could be finacially independent.
Yeah, that sounds good.
And I could work with Amy. Sweeeeet.
Where was I?
Um...how about...school?
Yeah, okay. So, I was never really going to go this fall. Cate...wanting to go to school? HAHA...FUCK NO. I hate school. No, I hate, well hateD high school...with a determined passion. I could do college. I will be doing college next semester. I'm thinking, start out with like, 3 classes. I can handle that. I don't want to, but I will. And so will you, James. =) I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.
Speaking of which, I need to send that tape to the guy in LA. Could you imagine...if they wanted to sign me? Oh my God, I get chills thinking about it. Sure, I might have to go to LA for awhile...but things are strong enough were I would do it. And not be worried. Things are great.
Ahhh, sometimes, I bask in the fact of being in love. I love love.
Yes, I said that right. I LOVE love. =)
I didn't go to the bank today. Shiiiit.
Okay...To-Do List:: [for tomorrow that is]
- Go to the bank, deposit money.
- Get rid of headache.
- Job interview @ 3.
- HCO 5-9:30.
- Call about getting birth certificate.
Um...think that's it.
Getting quite long, huh? Yeah...there's more.
I'm getting worried, these past couple days, I haven't been hungry. At all...and that's weird for me, seeing as how I'm ALWAYS hungry. Although, I think it's starting to come back. [fingers crossed] Maybe it's all the medicine I've been taking, and this damn HEADACHE! GRRRRR.
My cousin commented me today on myspace. I completely felt wonderful reading it. Even though it wasn't really of importance. But it made my heart feel good. I love that girl...HOLY SHIT. As soon as I typed this, she IMed me. Holy crap.
YAY. She started HIGH SCHOOL today! Jeez. She's a freshman, I'm a freshman...we're getting so old.
Okay, I think I'll go talk to her and end this super long entry.
<3