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[bigbrownbus]

there are some things i defily dont like about myself. theyve never come about. so i dont know how,where or when i developed them. but im uncomfortable with them. im becoming insecure,jealous, and just plain stupid. i know i havent been in a relationship for a while. but things seem so different and so weird. she makes me happy beyond anything else i have right now. and i think im afraid of losing that. im afraid that if i put my time, my effort and potentially,maybe someday love into a realtionship i dont want it to be taken and thrown away at the moment of a heartbeat and simply wasted just for nothing. i want it to grow and actually work for once. i dont want to hurt or hurt others. for once i want it to last
im nervous.
im unsure.
im scared.