love love love
Dear Ben,
I'm feeling more alone than ever... but not. I hung with Norm and Steph all night... sadly this is Freshman year of HS all over again for me, but first time around with Mark E. Phair... except I think both Norm and Steph are wise enough not to try to set me up with anyone again.
I'm sad. I got flaked on again. Third night in a row same person. That is fucked up.
Steph has sooper good advice.
19 year olds are stupid.
I'm not really too broken up about that.
Some people simply do not fucking think before they ask/tell you something... when they do this it seems like they're ignoring 5000000000 things you've said on the subject. Like those talks you did not want to have then in the first place were fucking for naught for them. Then they too forget plans made.
I am worthless.
Actually... everyone forgot about tomorrow until today... when I brought it up.
I am worthless.
I saw arakrune and stephinextremis got tats tonight.
I'm going to get one soon. I figured it out... though like all of me it will on the whole be work in progress.
This is truthfully why I hate women: they are essentially sexist to the core... they do not understand me (save a very select few) but were I a woman they'd totally understand... but since I have a cock 'n balls... they make this sexist assumption I am crazy etc.
I feel I identify with women on more levels than with men... which is really fucking sad for me.
I clash with women like women clash with women but since I am male... I don't get the same breaks.
My head hurts. I've figured out the tat I want and where I want it.
I wish I wasn't a hopeless romantic at times because it seems to do me more harm than good.
Cabo Cantina tomorrow night... karaoke and fun... be there or be a fucking douche.
My neck hurts.
I went to Best Buy this eve and got myself a portable printer and some Altec USB powered Speakers. They Rock.
My neck hurts.
I am lonely.
I DONT WANT TO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE ANYMORE.
My Rambo Cat is cute.
I want to curl up sometimes and sleep forever but more often than not the harsh reality is better than my dreams.. it once upon a time was the opposite.
At this moment I have no desire to do drugs ever again. I probably will end up ODing... we all know by now this is inevitable.
I am not a happy man and there are no "goals" nor journeys which seem in my head will bring me even a longish lasting fleeting joy.
I've decided I am finding a new Psychiatrist. This one is just too lame. I've dealt with his kind before just not so cookie cutter.
I really want to be held tonight. Oh well.
Once "all my money is gone" which I am doing an all-right job at getting done... I am going to die.
I don't know what that means but it fits with leaving this world the opposite in which I entered it... head first.
I'll leave it head first.
prophetic and sad,
Space Boy
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
I'm feeling more alone than ever... but not. I hung with Norm and Steph all night... sadly this is Freshman year of HS all over again for me, but first time around with Mark E. Phair... except I think both Norm and Steph are wise enough not to try to set me up with anyone again.
I'm sad. I got flaked on again. Third night in a row same person. That is fucked up.
Steph has sooper good advice.
19 year olds are stupid.
I'm not really too broken up about that.
Some people simply do not fucking think before they ask/tell you something... when they do this it seems like they're ignoring 5000000000 things you've said on the subject. Like those talks you did not want to have then in the first place were fucking for naught for them. Then they too forget plans made.
I am worthless.
Actually... everyone forgot about tomorrow until today... when I brought it up.
I am worthless.
I saw arakrune and stephinextremis got tats tonight.
I'm going to get one soon. I figured it out... though like all of me it will on the whole be work in progress.
This is truthfully why I hate women: they are essentially sexist to the core... they do not understand me (save a very select few) but were I a woman they'd totally understand... but since I have a cock 'n balls... they make this sexist assumption I am crazy etc.
I feel I identify with women on more levels than with men... which is really fucking sad for me.
I clash with women like women clash with women but since I am male... I don't get the same breaks.
My head hurts. I've figured out the tat I want and where I want it.
I wish I wasn't a hopeless romantic at times because it seems to do me more harm than good.
Cabo Cantina tomorrow night... karaoke and fun... be there or be a fucking douche.
My neck hurts.
I went to Best Buy this eve and got myself a portable printer and some Altec USB powered Speakers. They Rock.
My neck hurts.
I am lonely.
I DONT WANT TO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE ANYMORE.
My Rambo Cat is cute.
I want to curl up sometimes and sleep forever but more often than not the harsh reality is better than my dreams.. it once upon a time was the opposite.
At this moment I have no desire to do drugs ever again. I probably will end up ODing... we all know by now this is inevitable.
I am not a happy man and there are no "goals" nor journeys which seem in my head will bring me even a longish lasting fleeting joy.
I've decided I am finding a new Psychiatrist. This one is just too lame. I've dealt with his kind before just not so cookie cutter.
I really want to be held tonight. Oh well.
Once "all my money is gone" which I am doing an all-right job at getting done... I am going to die.
I don't know what that means but it fits with leaving this world the opposite in which I entered it... head first.
I'll leave it head first.
prophetic and sad,
Space Boy
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?