Veronica Mars Fic: "Love is Just a Four-Letter Word"
This is a prequel to The Flipside, which is one of my favourite stories. A few people mentioned wanting to see the backstory of what happened to Logan, so here it is. Part of it, at least.
Big love as ever to mcfeste for being an awesome beta and telling when something that makes perfect sense in my head makes no sense on paper. :X Title is from the Janis Ian song When Angels Cry, which is really about AIDS, but felt appropriate. I was listening to it on the weekend and that one line just stuck.
I'll rate this R for lots of swearing and some violence. Set a few years down the road; spoilers to 113 just in case there are newbies. Feedback always makes me a very happy girl!
The day they find out, Keith and Veronica are on a boat with Veronica’s boyfriend and his parents. They cruise around a few islands and eat turkey-dill sandwiches while making small talk. It’s pleasant enough, especially with the cloudless sky and cool ocean breeze.
The boy is a good kid. Charming and affable, with a self-made stockbroker father who wants his son to follow in his footsteps. Veronica met him in school. She seems happy.
In the fading sunlight as they near the dock, Keith can make out a man waiting. He’s vaguely familiar, and a few seconds later Keith recognizes him. What Eli Navarro would be doing at the Albacore Club, Keith isn’t sure. But he’s sure it isn’t good.
Veronica hurries down the dock while the boat is being tied up, leaving her confused boyfriend in her wake. Keith follows right behind, and she shoots a look over her shoulder. He ignores it.
Weevil cuts to the chase. “Logan’s in trouble.”
Veronica half laughs. “What else is new? I thought something was actually wrong.” She doesn’t have to work too hard to affect her uncaring tone. Logan and Veronica have broken up and made up many times. The last parting wasn’t particularly pleasant. Keith didn’t ask for details, but he could guess.
“He got into a fight at the In-N-Out.”
Veronica rolls her eyes. “Must be a day that ends in ‘y’.”
Weevil sighs. “You don’t know, do you?”
Veronica asks what they don’t know, and Keith’s gut clenches. It's always something.
“They found what’s left of his mother’s body.”
Yep. Always.
*
The last time Keith saw Lynn Echolls was at the hospital the night Aaron was stabbed. Keith had stopped by to check in - she was a paying client after all. Lynn was anxious and tear-stained, and clung to him tightly as she thanked him for coming. Her makeup was remarkably un-smudged.
Logan had been leaning against the wall a few feet away, his expression blank. When Keith was leaving, he said to Logan, “Don’t worry, your old man’ll be fine,” in his best buck-up-little-camper voice.
Logan’s mouth curled up. “I guess we’ll see if he’s been naughty or nice.”
*
“From what I hear, he didn’t take it too well,” Weevil says.
Veronica shakes her head sadly, and Keith knows she’s fighting tears. “I just…Weevil, I can’t get involved. Logan has to figure things out for himself right now.”
“Look, I don’t even know why I care. But here I am.” He takes a deep breath and blows it out. “He’s been using. And I’m not talking about booze and pot. Veronica, this is heavy shit. If he doesn’t get help, he’ll be dead soon. Really soon. Can you live with that? Because I don’t think you can.”
They split up to search, and Keith finds him late that night under the boardwalk with the other junkies. Logan cradles a bottle of booze to his chest, eyes rolled back as drool drips down his chin. Keith steps around the needles littering the ground and makes quick work of the bottle, the pipe, and the drugs in Logan’s pocket before Logan can even raise his head. As he starts to struggle, Keith smacks him hard across the face and then hoists him to his feet, half marching, half dragging him across the sand. The other users simply watch with glassy stares.
Logan tries to pull free as they make their way down the beach, but Keith’s grip is unwavering. They’re almost to the car when Logan stumbles to his knees and wrenches his arm free. He tries to crawl away, but falls back on the sand. He glares up at Keith, defiant, trying to focus his eyes. Blood runs out of his mouth, and bruises from earlier swell his face. “What the fuck is your problem? Leave me the fuck alone!”
“My problem is that you’re killing yourself.”
Logan’s words slur together. “Why the hell do you care?”
A group of teenagers pull into the beach parking lot, engine revving, music blasting. They laugh uproariously at something as they clamber out of their car. Keith waits until they have run off down the beach, shrieking, before he answers Logan.
“Why do I care?”
“Yeah, why the fuck are you here?” Logan tries to get up, but quickly ends up on his ass again.
“I care because you don’t have a family who will. I care because you saved my daughter’s life. I care because my daughter loves you, and you’re breaking her heart. Again.” He stops to make sure Logan is listening. “I care because you’re worth caring about.”
Logan giggles. “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.”
“God damn it, would you just stop? Look at yourself. You’re better than this.”
“I’m just having some fun. Jesus. You Mars…ses are all so serious.”
Keith waits until he has Logan’s attention again. “Your mother would never want to see you like this.”
Logan opens his mouth, but the fight drains away like air from a tire. Tears begin to streak his face, and he shakes. He gulps for air, and Keith lets him cry for a while. He’s about to drag him to his feet again when Logan speaks.
“She didn’t say goodbye. She didn’t even look at me.”
There’s nothing Keith can say to that. His back protests, but he gets on his knees and pulls Logan to his chest. Logan struggles for a few seconds before giving in and crying until Keith’s sure he must be ready to fall asleep. Yet as soon as Keith tries to get him to his feet, Logan’s limbs are alive with energy, and Keith really has to grapple to get to the car.
Keith pins Logan to the side of the car with his body, and Logan shatters the passenger-side mirror with his elbow as Keith lets go long enough to get his keys out. Logan slips to the ground and starts to scramble away. Grabbing him by the back of his jacket, Keith yanks him up, managing to open the door with one hand and shove Logan inside with the other. Keith hits the lock button on the remote, and by the time he’s in the driver’s seat, Logan has gained the coordination to try unlocking the door.
After activating the child locks, Keith leans over Logan and pulls the seatbelt across. Logan protests, but is soon strapped in. Blood drips from his palms, and Keith can see glittering shards of glass embedded in the skin. Logan doesn’t seem to notice.
Keith grabs one of his hands. “Stop squirming, you’re just making it worse.” He tries to pick the glass out, but gives up and finds his gym bag in the back seat. He wraps Logan’s palms in two smelly socks that have seen whiter days. Logan still resists, but soon Keith has the car in drive, and Logan is busy trying to undo his seatbelt again.
With his eyes on the road, Keith reaches beneath his seat. Moments later, Logan’s right wrist is handcuffed to the door. He shouts in rage, thrashing and tugging at his wrist.
“I really didn’t want to have to do that, Logan. But you gave me no choice.”
“Where the fuck do you think you’re taking me?”
Keith knows a lot about rehab centres. He researched dozens over the years, and knows the one with the highest success rate is east of Los Angeles, in a wide expanse of desert and nothing. It’s also the place where the director owes him a favour. “I’m taking you to get help.”
Logan blinks and sits upright. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about rehab.”
“Stop this car, you motherfucker.” His chest heaves. “Let me out, you cocksucker!” He starts fumbling for his seatbelt with his left hand. “Fuck you!”
Finally, Keith has enough. His fingers twist in Logan’s hair as he yanks the boy’s face close. Keith’s voice remains calm and collected, but his pulse races. “Stop it. Stop fighting. You are not going to win. Do you understand?”
Logan says nothing, just exhales harsh bursts of fetid breath. Keith tightens his grip until Logan whimpers. He repeats, “Do you understand?”
After Logan mutters something unintelligible that Keith takes as a yes, he lets go, bringing some hair with him. Logan slumps against the passenger door, and Keith flips the radio on, scanning the dial until he finds an old Eagles song. He sings along.
Logan eventually quiets down, and the only movement from his side of the car is his leg, jiggling rapidly. Every so often he tells Keith that he’s a piece of shit.
At Bona Vista, Logan screams that he’s over 18, and that laws are being broken. He is ignored and strapped down to a gurney. Tears form in his eyes as Keith leans over him to say goodbye. Logan’s voice is hoarse and broken. “I hate you.”
Keith squeezes Logan’s shoulder. “I know.”
*
He comes back for family day a week later. Veronica waits in the car at first, and Keith doesn’t push her to come inside. He knows she won’t be able to stay away. Logan is pale and sullen. He tells Keith to go to hell.
Keith ignores him, and listens to what the doctor has to say while Logan slouches in his chair and tugs on a loose thread on the cuff of his too-big sweatshirt. After thanking the doctor, Keith tells Logan he’ll be back in another week. Logan gives him the finger and proclaims that he refuses to be a prisoner for much longer.
In the lobby, Veronica paces.
She doesn’t speak until they are back on the main highway. “He doesn’t look very good.”
“No.”
Her voice wavers, just slightly. “I want him to get better, Dad.”
Keith reaches over and squeezes her hand. “I know.”
*
The next week, Veronica comes inside right away. She and Logan shout, each launching blame at the other like a catcher gunning down the runner at second. The doctor lets them yell, and so does Keith. He figures it’s long overdue.
As they’re leaving, Logan tells him to go to hell again. Keith turns at the door, and says that he’ll see him there. He catches a flicker of a smile just before the door clanks shut.
During the trip home, Veronica tells Keith that she never wants to see Logan again. He nods, and listens.
On the way back a week later, Veronica drives.
Big love as ever to mcfeste for being an awesome beta and telling when something that makes perfect sense in my head makes no sense on paper. :X Title is from the Janis Ian song When Angels Cry, which is really about AIDS, but felt appropriate. I was listening to it on the weekend and that one line just stuck.
I'll rate this R for lots of swearing and some violence. Set a few years down the road; spoilers to 113 just in case there are newbies. Feedback always makes me a very happy girl!
The day they find out, Keith and Veronica are on a boat with Veronica’s boyfriend and his parents. They cruise around a few islands and eat turkey-dill sandwiches while making small talk. It’s pleasant enough, especially with the cloudless sky and cool ocean breeze.
The boy is a good kid. Charming and affable, with a self-made stockbroker father who wants his son to follow in his footsteps. Veronica met him in school. She seems happy.
In the fading sunlight as they near the dock, Keith can make out a man waiting. He’s vaguely familiar, and a few seconds later Keith recognizes him. What Eli Navarro would be doing at the Albacore Club, Keith isn’t sure. But he’s sure it isn’t good.
Veronica hurries down the dock while the boat is being tied up, leaving her confused boyfriend in her wake. Keith follows right behind, and she shoots a look over her shoulder. He ignores it.
Weevil cuts to the chase. “Logan’s in trouble.”
Veronica half laughs. “What else is new? I thought something was actually wrong.” She doesn’t have to work too hard to affect her uncaring tone. Logan and Veronica have broken up and made up many times. The last parting wasn’t particularly pleasant. Keith didn’t ask for details, but he could guess.
“He got into a fight at the In-N-Out.”
Veronica rolls her eyes. “Must be a day that ends in ‘y’.”
Weevil sighs. “You don’t know, do you?”
Veronica asks what they don’t know, and Keith’s gut clenches. It's always something.
“They found what’s left of his mother’s body.”
Yep. Always.
*
The last time Keith saw Lynn Echolls was at the hospital the night Aaron was stabbed. Keith had stopped by to check in - she was a paying client after all. Lynn was anxious and tear-stained, and clung to him tightly as she thanked him for coming. Her makeup was remarkably un-smudged.
Logan had been leaning against the wall a few feet away, his expression blank. When Keith was leaving, he said to Logan, “Don’t worry, your old man’ll be fine,” in his best buck-up-little-camper voice.
Logan’s mouth curled up. “I guess we’ll see if he’s been naughty or nice.”
*
“From what I hear, he didn’t take it too well,” Weevil says.
Veronica shakes her head sadly, and Keith knows she’s fighting tears. “I just…Weevil, I can’t get involved. Logan has to figure things out for himself right now.”
“Look, I don’t even know why I care. But here I am.” He takes a deep breath and blows it out. “He’s been using. And I’m not talking about booze and pot. Veronica, this is heavy shit. If he doesn’t get help, he’ll be dead soon. Really soon. Can you live with that? Because I don’t think you can.”
They split up to search, and Keith finds him late that night under the boardwalk with the other junkies. Logan cradles a bottle of booze to his chest, eyes rolled back as drool drips down his chin. Keith steps around the needles littering the ground and makes quick work of the bottle, the pipe, and the drugs in Logan’s pocket before Logan can even raise his head. As he starts to struggle, Keith smacks him hard across the face and then hoists him to his feet, half marching, half dragging him across the sand. The other users simply watch with glassy stares.
Logan tries to pull free as they make their way down the beach, but Keith’s grip is unwavering. They’re almost to the car when Logan stumbles to his knees and wrenches his arm free. He tries to crawl away, but falls back on the sand. He glares up at Keith, defiant, trying to focus his eyes. Blood runs out of his mouth, and bruises from earlier swell his face. “What the fuck is your problem? Leave me the fuck alone!”
“My problem is that you’re killing yourself.”
Logan’s words slur together. “Why the hell do you care?”
A group of teenagers pull into the beach parking lot, engine revving, music blasting. They laugh uproariously at something as they clamber out of their car. Keith waits until they have run off down the beach, shrieking, before he answers Logan.
“Why do I care?”
“Yeah, why the fuck are you here?” Logan tries to get up, but quickly ends up on his ass again.
“I care because you don’t have a family who will. I care because you saved my daughter’s life. I care because my daughter loves you, and you’re breaking her heart. Again.” He stops to make sure Logan is listening. “I care because you’re worth caring about.”
Logan giggles. “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.”
“God damn it, would you just stop? Look at yourself. You’re better than this.”
“I’m just having some fun. Jesus. You Mars…ses are all so serious.”
Keith waits until he has Logan’s attention again. “Your mother would never want to see you like this.”
Logan opens his mouth, but the fight drains away like air from a tire. Tears begin to streak his face, and he shakes. He gulps for air, and Keith lets him cry for a while. He’s about to drag him to his feet again when Logan speaks.
“She didn’t say goodbye. She didn’t even look at me.”
There’s nothing Keith can say to that. His back protests, but he gets on his knees and pulls Logan to his chest. Logan struggles for a few seconds before giving in and crying until Keith’s sure he must be ready to fall asleep. Yet as soon as Keith tries to get him to his feet, Logan’s limbs are alive with energy, and Keith really has to grapple to get to the car.
Keith pins Logan to the side of the car with his body, and Logan shatters the passenger-side mirror with his elbow as Keith lets go long enough to get his keys out. Logan slips to the ground and starts to scramble away. Grabbing him by the back of his jacket, Keith yanks him up, managing to open the door with one hand and shove Logan inside with the other. Keith hits the lock button on the remote, and by the time he’s in the driver’s seat, Logan has gained the coordination to try unlocking the door.
After activating the child locks, Keith leans over Logan and pulls the seatbelt across. Logan protests, but is soon strapped in. Blood drips from his palms, and Keith can see glittering shards of glass embedded in the skin. Logan doesn’t seem to notice.
Keith grabs one of his hands. “Stop squirming, you’re just making it worse.” He tries to pick the glass out, but gives up and finds his gym bag in the back seat. He wraps Logan’s palms in two smelly socks that have seen whiter days. Logan still resists, but soon Keith has the car in drive, and Logan is busy trying to undo his seatbelt again.
With his eyes on the road, Keith reaches beneath his seat. Moments later, Logan’s right wrist is handcuffed to the door. He shouts in rage, thrashing and tugging at his wrist.
“I really didn’t want to have to do that, Logan. But you gave me no choice.”
“Where the fuck do you think you’re taking me?”
Keith knows a lot about rehab centres. He researched dozens over the years, and knows the one with the highest success rate is east of Los Angeles, in a wide expanse of desert and nothing. It’s also the place where the director owes him a favour. “I’m taking you to get help.”
Logan blinks and sits upright. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about rehab.”
“Stop this car, you motherfucker.” His chest heaves. “Let me out, you cocksucker!” He starts fumbling for his seatbelt with his left hand. “Fuck you!”
Finally, Keith has enough. His fingers twist in Logan’s hair as he yanks the boy’s face close. Keith’s voice remains calm and collected, but his pulse races. “Stop it. Stop fighting. You are not going to win. Do you understand?”
Logan says nothing, just exhales harsh bursts of fetid breath. Keith tightens his grip until Logan whimpers. He repeats, “Do you understand?”
After Logan mutters something unintelligible that Keith takes as a yes, he lets go, bringing some hair with him. Logan slumps against the passenger door, and Keith flips the radio on, scanning the dial until he finds an old Eagles song. He sings along.
Logan eventually quiets down, and the only movement from his side of the car is his leg, jiggling rapidly. Every so often he tells Keith that he’s a piece of shit.
At Bona Vista, Logan screams that he’s over 18, and that laws are being broken. He is ignored and strapped down to a gurney. Tears form in his eyes as Keith leans over him to say goodbye. Logan’s voice is hoarse and broken. “I hate you.”
Keith squeezes Logan’s shoulder. “I know.”
*
He comes back for family day a week later. Veronica waits in the car at first, and Keith doesn’t push her to come inside. He knows she won’t be able to stay away. Logan is pale and sullen. He tells Keith to go to hell.
Keith ignores him, and listens to what the doctor has to say while Logan slouches in his chair and tugs on a loose thread on the cuff of his too-big sweatshirt. After thanking the doctor, Keith tells Logan he’ll be back in another week. Logan gives him the finger and proclaims that he refuses to be a prisoner for much longer.
In the lobby, Veronica paces.
She doesn’t speak until they are back on the main highway. “He doesn’t look very good.”
“No.”
Her voice wavers, just slightly. “I want him to get better, Dad.”
Keith reaches over and squeezes her hand. “I know.”
*
The next week, Veronica comes inside right away. She and Logan shout, each launching blame at the other like a catcher gunning down the runner at second. The doctor lets them yell, and so does Keith. He figures it’s long overdue.
As they’re leaving, Logan tells him to go to hell again. Keith turns at the door, and says that he’ll see him there. He catches a flicker of a smile just before the door clanks shut.
During the trip home, Veronica tells Keith that she never wants to see Logan again. He nods, and listens.
On the way back a week later, Veronica drives.