What Will I Say?
last night was a night of mixed emotions. it was good for the fact that i found out that ashleys parents are thinking about giving me a second scratch that third chance.but it was also not so good because i stayed up untill 3:30 pouring my heart out. i had to wake up at 8:30 to be at work at 9:30.
there were 3 questions that her parents asked that struck me. i thought what if they asked me these questions. here they are, questions and answers. keep in mind these are almost unanswerable questions. questions that nobody knows how to explain. i cried tears of joy and sadness and this is what they dried into. i did not write this, i couldnt have, im only human.
1. Why Do I Love Her?
with her i am a better person. there are only a few people that have been in my life that i feel as if i owe my life to. Number one is my pawpaw. he was the good father figure in my life. just by watching him i learned how a man was supposed to act. number two is my mom. she has believed in me since day one. she has righted me when i was wrong, and tought me to stand up for what i believe. number three is my 6th 11th and 12th grade principal, Jeff Camp. in sixth grade i was at a point in my life that i did not want to live anymore. he gave me a clean slate. i was able to start over. and the final person is Ashley. In 11th and 12th grade i was doing things i shouldnt have been. she showed me there was a better way. and even when i broke her heart, she loved me. even when i was going down a road i should not have been going down, she loved me. she stayed on my case because she cared about me. nobody outside of my family has ever treated me the way she has. i didnt want to let her in, so i acted like i hated her. yet she continued to be there for me. Thats why i love her. because she has loved me even when i didnt show that i loved her.
2.How do i know you will be able to provide for her?
God will never give me something i cant handle. you dont love someone for their money, and if you do its not real love. when a man has a family to provide for he does that BY ANY MEANS NESSICARY. if i have to eat one meal a day every other day just so she can have three meals a day, so be it. same goes for my kids, i will go starving before i let my kids go hungry. the same way you make sacrafices for your kids. its what every loving dad would do for his family. take the good with the bad.
this is the real hard one for me to let anyone see. but here it is.
3.How are we supposed to know that you wont hurt her again?
I know what its like to be hurt, let down, and stranded. i have been through more than anyone other than my mom could ever fatham. i could never put anyone through what i have gone through growing up. i know what its like to be 6 years old and not going to school for a week because the bruises on your face are too bad. then having to wear make up to cover it up when you went back. i know what its like to be scared to go home after school.i know what its like and it still hurts 13 years later. i know what its like to be 10 years old and not hear from your dad for 6 months, because he isnt man enough to face everything. i know what its like and it still hurts 10 years later. i know what its like to grow up for my mom and be strong. i have been through 3 divorces with my mom and 3 with my dad. i dont want to put my family through the first one. i know what its like to be 16 and lose the best father figure you ever had, stand at the funeral, not being allowed to sit with the "family" being his only grandson. i know what its like for it to hit you six months later, and cry for another six months. i know and it was almost too much for me to handle. why would i want to put my family through the same thing? why would i want to do it all over again? i am a man of my word, my word is my only bond.
thats what i believe i would say to them. like it or not.
untill next time,
Joey Sims
there were 3 questions that her parents asked that struck me. i thought what if they asked me these questions. here they are, questions and answers. keep in mind these are almost unanswerable questions. questions that nobody knows how to explain. i cried tears of joy and sadness and this is what they dried into. i did not write this, i couldnt have, im only human.
1. Why Do I Love Her?
with her i am a better person. there are only a few people that have been in my life that i feel as if i owe my life to. Number one is my pawpaw. he was the good father figure in my life. just by watching him i learned how a man was supposed to act. number two is my mom. she has believed in me since day one. she has righted me when i was wrong, and tought me to stand up for what i believe. number three is my 6th 11th and 12th grade principal, Jeff Camp. in sixth grade i was at a point in my life that i did not want to live anymore. he gave me a clean slate. i was able to start over. and the final person is Ashley. In 11th and 12th grade i was doing things i shouldnt have been. she showed me there was a better way. and even when i broke her heart, she loved me. even when i was going down a road i should not have been going down, she loved me. she stayed on my case because she cared about me. nobody outside of my family has ever treated me the way she has. i didnt want to let her in, so i acted like i hated her. yet she continued to be there for me. Thats why i love her. because she has loved me even when i didnt show that i loved her.
2.How do i know you will be able to provide for her?
God will never give me something i cant handle. you dont love someone for their money, and if you do its not real love. when a man has a family to provide for he does that BY ANY MEANS NESSICARY. if i have to eat one meal a day every other day just so she can have three meals a day, so be it. same goes for my kids, i will go starving before i let my kids go hungry. the same way you make sacrafices for your kids. its what every loving dad would do for his family. take the good with the bad.
this is the real hard one for me to let anyone see. but here it is.
3.How are we supposed to know that you wont hurt her again?
I know what its like to be hurt, let down, and stranded. i have been through more than anyone other than my mom could ever fatham. i could never put anyone through what i have gone through growing up. i know what its like to be 6 years old and not going to school for a week because the bruises on your face are too bad. then having to wear make up to cover it up when you went back. i know what its like to be scared to go home after school.i know what its like and it still hurts 13 years later. i know what its like to be 10 years old and not hear from your dad for 6 months, because he isnt man enough to face everything. i know what its like and it still hurts 10 years later. i know what its like to grow up for my mom and be strong. i have been through 3 divorces with my mom and 3 with my dad. i dont want to put my family through the first one. i know what its like to be 16 and lose the best father figure you ever had, stand at the funeral, not being allowed to sit with the "family" being his only grandson. i know what its like for it to hit you six months later, and cry for another six months. i know and it was almost too much for me to handle. why would i want to put my family through the same thing? why would i want to do it all over again? i am a man of my word, my word is my only bond.
thats what i believe i would say to them. like it or not.
untill next time,
Joey Sims