today?.... today. hm..
So I'm a loser, and couldn't come up with anything better than my own LJ information to post... but I thought it was good to describe how I feel sometimes... sorta like now.
so today was good. turkey, stuffing, corn, broccoli/cheese casserole (yum yum), fourwheeler racing, seeing old cousins, talking with family, jake... it was good, and I feel... at peace.
My cousin Jennifer wore my sister's contacts for about twenty minutes this morning. She wondered why they were fuzzy.
Le Sigh. so here's my info. I'd be flattered if you would read it, but don't feel obligated.
Were I a frog, I should think I would be a vegetarian frog. If you are easily vexed by verbosity and obscurity then perhaps you should leave me alone. Frogs are awfully tempermental.
However, in the situation I were a monkey, I think I might bite people who, in fact, irritated me . I bite people NOW, so I don't know what the difference would be.
I’m certain you wish to bite someone every now and then- for lack of better retaliation. It’s terribly effective-surprisingly, people don’t anticipate being bitten. (Until they’ve been in my company once or twice.)
Before you continue know that I put up no misleading pretenses. I work very hard. I want everyone to love me. I am just now starting to realize that’s impossible.
I AM fickle, and I AM emotional. I cry in most movies, and I cry if you yell. Don’t think for a moment though, that I’ll even hesitate before viciously defending my friends and loved ones.
I will never believe that there is a person who has no regrets. I love reading and I love romance. I admire both and claim neither- but I love big vocabularies, and I love profundity and intelligence (so long as they’re accompanied by humility and kindness). I do think I am relatively perceptive and discerning. I am tragically inept when it comes to making decisions.
When I say I don’t care, I mean it.
If I care, I say so.
I listen to folk music and I listen to country- and I am not ashamed.
I don’t believe that God wrote the bible, and I don’t believe that it is right to form a life based exclusively on it. I do believe in God, and I do believe in love- it’s as true as you make it and as real as you allow it to be.
There is very little in this world that is concrete- the only reason we want certainty is because relativity and subjectivity are much more dangerous than the safety and warmth of ignorant adherence to standard, measured thoughts. I believe in taking risks, and I love them. This doesn’t mean I’m not scared of them, and I’d never be foolish enough to insist I’m not.
I often hate myself- I hate the way I can never communicate the things I am most passionate about. I hate that I probably come across as trying desperately to fit in and say things to impress people. I prove many of my points about the failures in human nature.
TO THE MAX. TO THE MAX.
Passats should honk with the "hitler show tickets" clip from adultswim.
I will never tell you I am smart, and I will never tell you I know very much. I will never pretend I am anything I’m not, but I frequently entertain dreams of being what I never will be. I think dreams are healthy.
I love Troy Coll so very much. We've dated for... ask him, he knows cause he's an incredible boyfriend, and in any other situation I'd probably hesitate to proclaim my love so boldly, but he's special in a new way, and he's so wonderful I want to kiss someone every time I think of him. Kissing someone else wouldn't be the same. Although kissing Caitlin and Lindsey is awfully fun!!!! heh. so yes. there's no one like Troy and I couldn't be happier. I love you. No, I don't "heart" or "emo" or whatever you, I love you. Because it's the one aspect of my life I use normal language to describe.
What I believe:
& We all need friends and people to love us- we depend entirely on fellowship and community.
& No matter what you look at in history, and how you plan the future, we WILL repeat the same mistakes and recognizing this inevitability of human nature is the one of the more realistic and insightful admittances we can make. .
& You couldn’t possibly appreciate what you have, if you didn’t have to endure the hunger pains of not having what you want.
& It’s amusing, but more than that, sad, when so many (not all) of the people who try to make a “statement” end up reflecting the very nature of the people, idea, life, etc., they combat.. To me, it’s being a hippie, and buying designer hippie clothes. You’ve effectively exhibited the very behavior and conformity you profess your condemnation for.
& Companies who make food, should not make clothing. Performing artists should not make have clothing lines. Credit card commercials should not be allowed to use songs about being free and soaking up the sun.
& WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE SELL OUT. WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO WANT WHAT THEY’VE GOT? WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD DIE FOR JUST ONE DAY OF SUCCESS? BAH. BAH!
& We will all die of obesity. Either by being sat upon, or being too fat.
& I am never exempt from rules of this nature, these are faults I find foremost in myself, which I can see in others as well. I will never ever ever claim, or believe, that I do not do the exact things I criticize…. This is just where I talk about it
& I hate having a predictable pattern in anything I do, and this absolute desperation I have to just be real, to just express… in turn, creates very predictable and irritating patterns- in speech, in life. I have very cyclic arguments… I say something I feel very passionate about. I feel badly if it hurts someone. I apologize- PROFUSELY. I feel bad for my lack of adherence to my initial statement. I feel bad for feeling bad. I feel bad for hurting the person. I tell the truth about how I feel and royally confuse the person I’ve been dealing with the whole time. This goes on until I surrender in exhaustion. The people who tolerate me should be sainted. SAINTED. No one ever has to fuss at me, just wait a day and I will have thoroughly punished myself.
& I use “…” WAY too much
& I frequently make up words to illustrate my point
& I’m ridiculously dramatic
& I am phenomenally verbose- see?
& my verbosity doesn't arise from my desperation to impress, it results from my desperation to express what is so incredible and beautiful and almost intangible. Transition from Sarahthink to Sarahspeak is tragic. I don’t ever mean to pretend I’m better or that I know… I just wish you could see what I want to share- because sometimes, sharing that, and having someone understand is the only way I can make it through a day.
& Know that my intentions are very pure and true. I want to help people, and I want to be substantial. I want only to share whatever gifts I have with the world, and for you to understand I love you.
Sadly, I lost my mind in vietnam, and my left pinkie toe. But like Yossarian always wanted, it got me home. I don't mock vietnam. I respect veterans. Very much. and I think that elderly health care is one of the most embarrassing things about this country. Because the elderly got us where we are. It’s easier to turn away, but if you look closely you will see the deplorable conditions, the inhumane treatment of the people who gave us what we have. Do you know how many elderly people are beaten? And how little these crimes are investigated? Do you have any idea how many elderly people are raped? The brutality is unreal. This is my temporary soap box. Please care, please recognize what you don’t want to see… please do what you can to help.
I can say one thing in french, I don't know how it spells, and I imagine I'll never use it:
Ature' bon marche' un crayon s'il vous plait. and that is my request for the other cheap pencil please.
I have a hard hat.
YES! YES, I DO.
it has my name, but you could borrow it, if you like.
I think I might get to keep it.
perhaps I'll bribe the responsible adults with candy. swiss debbie cake rolls might work better. and you should call them that too. if i piss you off, I'm sorry. because i'll probably not remember it tomorrow. i have problems with that.... that memory thing. i have a camera and i like to take pictures of things. lots of pictures. i just got a new memory card, so i can take about 162 pictures before having to upload them to my computer, and that makes me smile.
i wish that people wouldn't tell me to eat meat. i eat chicken for goodness sake, and i eat turkey- but only white chicken and turkey meat- because i'm a poultry racist. i have a boyfriend with poofy hair, or he used to, but he's still real cute and his hair looks good short too. i don't like cats except George, cause she's not a cat. i bottle fed a cow named nellie and she head-butted me, it was funny but it hurt- like the time they dropped a canoe on me when I was in the pool at camp pratt.. the bruise covered my thigh- i was eleven i think. then someone hit me in the face with a paddle.
Passions/Things I love: children, elderly people, literature, you, my friends, my family, art, music, opera, theatre, bonds, honesty, animals, equality, people with a desire to understand, acceptance, kissing, hugging, shoelaces, rubber duckies, simple things, thoughtfulness, poetry, composing, diet coke, corn, the mountains, guns, table tennis, a guy in jeans, freckles, shoulders, POGS, childhood, being sober most of the time,my Troy
Infuriating things: racism, no turn signal, no brakelights, miscommunication, bigotry, prejudices, assumptions, closed mindedness, complacency, greed, pedophiles, condescending looks, misdirected and unsolicited judgment, skorts, crutches, rumors, “holier than thou” Christians who send people from God running, busybodies, yelling, hypocricy, pork, numbers, isolation, small spaces, famous people who abuse their privilege and don’t represent all the REAL artists/actors/thinkers who, for one reason or another, don’t make it, stereotypes, sexists, incredibly revealing clothing, drunk drivers, being insufficient, looking better on paper than I really am, disappointing you.
At any moment, my mood might change. But I promise one thing, I will not lose my standards or my values. I will never sacrifice my convictions for acceptance. I will never surrender to make someone feel better, and I will not let things go until I'm ready. I work the way I work, so don't ask me to pretend, and don't expect me to.
i think that the important things are how you treat people and how much you love. i love you, probably enough to surprise you, and i think that you might believe me if you know me... so know me. but don't judge me, cause that's not why I'm here. I'm here because I want to fly. I've always wanted to, which is why I think i'd be better off- not as a frog, or monkey, but as dumbo. because he has really big ears, so I bet he likes music.
bye love.
so today was good. turkey, stuffing, corn, broccoli/cheese casserole (yum yum), fourwheeler racing, seeing old cousins, talking with family, jake... it was good, and I feel... at peace.
My cousin Jennifer wore my sister's contacts for about twenty minutes this morning. She wondered why they were fuzzy.
Le Sigh. so here's my info. I'd be flattered if you would read it, but don't feel obligated.
Were I a frog, I should think I would be a vegetarian frog. If you are easily vexed by verbosity and obscurity then perhaps you should leave me alone. Frogs are awfully tempermental.
However, in the situation I were a monkey, I think I might bite people who, in fact, irritated me . I bite people NOW, so I don't know what the difference would be.
I’m certain you wish to bite someone every now and then- for lack of better retaliation. It’s terribly effective-surprisingly, people don’t anticipate being bitten. (Until they’ve been in my company once or twice.)
Before you continue know that I put up no misleading pretenses. I work very hard. I want everyone to love me. I am just now starting to realize that’s impossible.
I AM fickle, and I AM emotional. I cry in most movies, and I cry if you yell. Don’t think for a moment though, that I’ll even hesitate before viciously defending my friends and loved ones.
I will never believe that there is a person who has no regrets. I love reading and I love romance. I admire both and claim neither- but I love big vocabularies, and I love profundity and intelligence (so long as they’re accompanied by humility and kindness). I do think I am relatively perceptive and discerning. I am tragically inept when it comes to making decisions.
When I say I don’t care, I mean it.
If I care, I say so.
I listen to folk music and I listen to country- and I am not ashamed.
I don’t believe that God wrote the bible, and I don’t believe that it is right to form a life based exclusively on it. I do believe in God, and I do believe in love- it’s as true as you make it and as real as you allow it to be.
There is very little in this world that is concrete- the only reason we want certainty is because relativity and subjectivity are much more dangerous than the safety and warmth of ignorant adherence to standard, measured thoughts. I believe in taking risks, and I love them. This doesn’t mean I’m not scared of them, and I’d never be foolish enough to insist I’m not.
I often hate myself- I hate the way I can never communicate the things I am most passionate about. I hate that I probably come across as trying desperately to fit in and say things to impress people. I prove many of my points about the failures in human nature.
TO THE MAX. TO THE MAX.
Passats should honk with the "hitler show tickets" clip from adultswim.
I will never tell you I am smart, and I will never tell you I know very much. I will never pretend I am anything I’m not, but I frequently entertain dreams of being what I never will be. I think dreams are healthy.
I love Troy Coll so very much. We've dated for... ask him, he knows cause he's an incredible boyfriend, and in any other situation I'd probably hesitate to proclaim my love so boldly, but he's special in a new way, and he's so wonderful I want to kiss someone every time I think of him. Kissing someone else wouldn't be the same. Although kissing Caitlin and Lindsey is awfully fun!!!! heh. so yes. there's no one like Troy and I couldn't be happier. I love you. No, I don't "heart" or "emo" or whatever you, I love you. Because it's the one aspect of my life I use normal language to describe.
What I believe:
& We all need friends and people to love us- we depend entirely on fellowship and community.
& No matter what you look at in history, and how you plan the future, we WILL repeat the same mistakes and recognizing this inevitability of human nature is the one of the more realistic and insightful admittances we can make. .
& You couldn’t possibly appreciate what you have, if you didn’t have to endure the hunger pains of not having what you want.
& It’s amusing, but more than that, sad, when so many (not all) of the people who try to make a “statement” end up reflecting the very nature of the people, idea, life, etc., they combat.. To me, it’s being a hippie, and buying designer hippie clothes. You’ve effectively exhibited the very behavior and conformity you profess your condemnation for.
& Companies who make food, should not make clothing. Performing artists should not make have clothing lines. Credit card commercials should not be allowed to use songs about being free and soaking up the sun.
& WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE SELL OUT. WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO WANT WHAT THEY’VE GOT? WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD DIE FOR JUST ONE DAY OF SUCCESS? BAH. BAH!
& We will all die of obesity. Either by being sat upon, or being too fat.
& I am never exempt from rules of this nature, these are faults I find foremost in myself, which I can see in others as well. I will never ever ever claim, or believe, that I do not do the exact things I criticize…. This is just where I talk about it
& I hate having a predictable pattern in anything I do, and this absolute desperation I have to just be real, to just express… in turn, creates very predictable and irritating patterns- in speech, in life. I have very cyclic arguments… I say something I feel very passionate about. I feel badly if it hurts someone. I apologize- PROFUSELY. I feel bad for my lack of adherence to my initial statement. I feel bad for feeling bad. I feel bad for hurting the person. I tell the truth about how I feel and royally confuse the person I’ve been dealing with the whole time. This goes on until I surrender in exhaustion. The people who tolerate me should be sainted. SAINTED. No one ever has to fuss at me, just wait a day and I will have thoroughly punished myself.
& I use “…” WAY too much
& I frequently make up words to illustrate my point
& I’m ridiculously dramatic
& I am phenomenally verbose- see?
& my verbosity doesn't arise from my desperation to impress, it results from my desperation to express what is so incredible and beautiful and almost intangible. Transition from Sarahthink to Sarahspeak is tragic. I don’t ever mean to pretend I’m better or that I know… I just wish you could see what I want to share- because sometimes, sharing that, and having someone understand is the only way I can make it through a day.
& Know that my intentions are very pure and true. I want to help people, and I want to be substantial. I want only to share whatever gifts I have with the world, and for you to understand I love you.
Sadly, I lost my mind in vietnam, and my left pinkie toe. But like Yossarian always wanted, it got me home. I don't mock vietnam. I respect veterans. Very much. and I think that elderly health care is one of the most embarrassing things about this country. Because the elderly got us where we are. It’s easier to turn away, but if you look closely you will see the deplorable conditions, the inhumane treatment of the people who gave us what we have. Do you know how many elderly people are beaten? And how little these crimes are investigated? Do you have any idea how many elderly people are raped? The brutality is unreal. This is my temporary soap box. Please care, please recognize what you don’t want to see… please do what you can to help.
I can say one thing in french, I don't know how it spells, and I imagine I'll never use it:
Ature' bon marche' un crayon s'il vous plait. and that is my request for the other cheap pencil please.
I have a hard hat.
YES! YES, I DO.
it has my name, but you could borrow it, if you like.
I think I might get to keep it.
perhaps I'll bribe the responsible adults with candy. swiss debbie cake rolls might work better. and you should call them that too. if i piss you off, I'm sorry. because i'll probably not remember it tomorrow. i have problems with that.... that memory thing. i have a camera and i like to take pictures of things. lots of pictures. i just got a new memory card, so i can take about 162 pictures before having to upload them to my computer, and that makes me smile.
i wish that people wouldn't tell me to eat meat. i eat chicken for goodness sake, and i eat turkey- but only white chicken and turkey meat- because i'm a poultry racist. i have a boyfriend with poofy hair, or he used to, but he's still real cute and his hair looks good short too. i don't like cats except George, cause she's not a cat. i bottle fed a cow named nellie and she head-butted me, it was funny but it hurt- like the time they dropped a canoe on me when I was in the pool at camp pratt.. the bruise covered my thigh- i was eleven i think. then someone hit me in the face with a paddle.
Passions/Things I love: children, elderly people, literature, you, my friends, my family, art, music, opera, theatre, bonds, honesty, animals, equality, people with a desire to understand, acceptance, kissing, hugging, shoelaces, rubber duckies, simple things, thoughtfulness, poetry, composing, diet coke, corn, the mountains, guns, table tennis, a guy in jeans, freckles, shoulders, POGS, childhood, being sober most of the time,my Troy
Infuriating things: racism, no turn signal, no brakelights, miscommunication, bigotry, prejudices, assumptions, closed mindedness, complacency, greed, pedophiles, condescending looks, misdirected and unsolicited judgment, skorts, crutches, rumors, “holier than thou” Christians who send people from God running, busybodies, yelling, hypocricy, pork, numbers, isolation, small spaces, famous people who abuse their privilege and don’t represent all the REAL artists/actors/thinkers who, for one reason or another, don’t make it, stereotypes, sexists, incredibly revealing clothing, drunk drivers, being insufficient, looking better on paper than I really am, disappointing you.
At any moment, my mood might change. But I promise one thing, I will not lose my standards or my values. I will never sacrifice my convictions for acceptance. I will never surrender to make someone feel better, and I will not let things go until I'm ready. I work the way I work, so don't ask me to pretend, and don't expect me to.
i think that the important things are how you treat people and how much you love. i love you, probably enough to surprise you, and i think that you might believe me if you know me... so know me. but don't judge me, cause that's not why I'm here. I'm here because I want to fly. I've always wanted to, which is why I think i'd be better off- not as a frog, or monkey, but as dumbo. because he has really big ears, so I bet he likes music.
bye love.