Hope you all read....
I've done some stupid stupid things. Im not perfect so its no suprise. What is a suprise to me is somewhere along the line i became a person who stopped trying. Someone who stopped trying to stand up for what they believed in and for what they knew in their heart to be right. I started to just, "go with the flow." You could say i got lost in the crowd. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and thats ok. But so am i and so i would just like to say that i dont know how anyone can not believe in God and not trust in God and not have a relationship with God. From personal experience, until i was about 14 years old i was a church going, bible thumping kid who tried everyday from the moment he woke up to be as perfect as he could be. That all changed. I started making too many mistakes and just felt like there was no way to get back on track so i completely walked away from God. At the time it seemed like the best thing to do. That way i wouldnt have to feel an ounce of guilt, grief, or remorse for my actions. I could do whatever i wanted. Well, heres a little lesson for you from my personal experience: Doing whatever you want to do will get you in a large amount of trouble and you'll end up waking up one day going, "I dont even know who i am and i dont even know why i'm here. I dont even know how or when things in my life became so complicated and got so bad." Well, If more people lived their lives the way i lived mine until i was about 14, i think they'd see exactly what im beginning to see. When you live your life on your own and try to control your life, you are going to make choices that arent right for you. In hindsight you'll regret them. You may not understand this when i say it, but ive been reading a book called the purpose driven life and the first line of the book states and i quote, "Its not about you." This sentence was in regards to our lives. We may think, "Well, its my life ill do what i want," the same way ive thought for roughly the last 6-7 years of my life. And thats ok if you want to think like that. But i promise at one point in your life, you are going to wake up and wonder how things got so bad. Its because life isnt about us. Its about God and doing what He wants us to do. When me make choice after choice after choice that continually go against God's will for our lives, well, we're gonna end up in some rough shape. My goal wasnt to preach and blah blah blah, it was just to vent the way that ive been feeling lately. Everyday i pick up this book, The Purpose Driven Life, and it makes me open my eyes more and more. I highly recommend it. As for me, well, its really simple. When i lived my life and let God control my life, i was happy. As a matter of fact, i couldnt have been happier. When i took the control into my hands, i began to make mistake after mistake after mistake, and i dug myself in an extremely deep hole that starting now i have to begin to climb out of. I hope anyone who reads this gives it some thought. Like i said, everyones entitled to your opinion and if youre thinking to yourself, "This kids out of his mind," than thats ok. You can think what you want about me. Ive never been one to care too much anyways. All i would suggest is that you're open minded about it before you criticize it. As i said, this is all from my personal experience. Its not like im just blabbing about things that ive never gone through. This has been my life and if i continue to live the way i have the last 6-7 years, ill probably end up jumping of a very large building. I gotta turn it around. If you made it all the way here, thanks for reading the entire entry instead of being close minded and just closing it out.... The last 3 days, ive managed to do something i never thought id be able to do. Ill spare you what that thing is cause its not important. Let me just say though, that its been very hard for me to do it, but ive prayed every minute of the day that ive thought about it, ive trusted God that he would be there to help me through it, and ive put my faith in Him. Here i am, 3 days later, and i cant believe ive made it 3 days. If you knew what i was talkin about youd probably say, "3 days isnt much." Well, believe me, for me.... 3 days is incredible... and 3 days is only gonna turn into 3 months, and 3 years and the rest of my life. Anyways, im done now.... im rambling but i just havent felt this way in a very long time and it just makes me feel really good. I just wanted to share it with everyone. Thanks for reading. Take care.
Slowing down, my actions become known to me.
No way no how, could I have been so blind to see, what I’ve become.
Take away, I never was meaning to do,
and pleasing you, was all I ever wanted to.
So break me down, that I might understand.
I know you’re looking down on me
and it must hurt to see all that you see, your love remains the same.
Take for granted, everything that you have given never again,
I won’t remain the same.
One more chance, though given not always received.
And growing numb, to guilt is often done with ease.
My conscience, what’s left fades away.
Hangnail, Take For Granted
Slowing down, my actions become known to me.
No way no how, could I have been so blind to see, what I’ve become.
Take away, I never was meaning to do,
and pleasing you, was all I ever wanted to.
So break me down, that I might understand.
I know you’re looking down on me
and it must hurt to see all that you see, your love remains the same.
Take for granted, everything that you have given never again,
I won’t remain the same.
One more chance, though given not always received.
And growing numb, to guilt is often done with ease.
My conscience, what’s left fades away.
Hangnail, Take For Granted