(no subject)
So, this is my first journal entry.
I made this journal after watching 'The Perfect Vagina' last week, and 'Super Botox Me' this week. I have realised just how much we compare ourselves to other people, and to pictures that are airbrushed, and modified. I have also realised how far people are willing to go to make themselves look 'perfect'. I have done some thinking, and have decided that, in my current state, I would probably have a gastric band/liposuction done to me, if I had the money. I have starved myself in the past, to try and lose weight. I am sixteen years of age, roughly 5 feet 5 inches, and about 12 stone 12 lbs. I am almost obese.
However, it is not the increased risk of disease and early death that would cause me to think of such drastic surgery. No, it is because I am not 'the ideal'. Let's face it, there are lots of women who would rather die than be my weight at my height. But why?
Because being thin is 'the ideal'. Models with perfect skin (I am spotty) and slim thighs (I am a traditional british pear shape), toned bottoms (see before) and toned stomachs are looked up to. A barbie-like shape is considered idealistic. However, if Barbie existed, she would be 8 feet tall, and not be able to fit her vital organs into her tiny body. That is our ideal?
I want to try and make myself feel better about me. Trying to conform to somebody elses ideal now seems stupid to me. I need to break free, and hopefully, in doing so, persuade others to as well. I will post something positive about myself each time I post, and I will provide an account of my feelings about myself. I will also log my rebellion against the ideal-and my anxiety, depression and eating problem-and will feel proud of these achievements.
Anyway, now that I have explained my reasons for my journal, and my objectives, I will make my first proper input:
Positive: My skin looked gorgeous when I looked in the mirror in Brantanos while buying some cute purple Wranglers. I wasn't wearing any mascara, only the barest hint of mineral foundation make-up. Even though I was still a little spotty, I looked nice.
Today, I ate some chocolates. These were given to me as a gift for getting good GCSE results-I got 6 As, 1 B, 2 Cs and 1 D. I did not feel guilty. I did not think eating disordered thoughts. This is progress.
I also went out in public with a lightly made-up face, instead of the six inches of mineral make-up and applied-with-a-trowel mascara that I normally wear just to feel decent about myself.
Today has been a good day.