All I wanna do is yebli
it really did take me this long to remember why the plot of Bleach was so familiar
do de do de do
And...
MY GOD THIS WAS DIFFICULT.
There wasn't a single entry that didn't make me bust up laughing. Seriously, you guys are amazing. It was so hard even to narrow it down to the finalists, choosing a winner was torture.
When I do this next year there are going to be Honorable Mention prizes too, because DAMN.
I mean, "cock mustard." And "retarded 3 year old with a knife," and spacecraft docking, and Spongebob, and clowns, and fried eggs with the brown stuff on the edges, and Leia x Jabba, and and and oh my god you guys seriously. Y'all are AWESOME, EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU.
The winning entry:
Captain Johnson was restless. His furrowed brow furrowed restlessly as he thought of his beloved, a thousand miles away in Maine. Indeed, she was an able lass, endowed with a heaving busom that reminded the Catpain now of cantister shot, fired from a thirteen inch parrot gun.
His thirteen inch parrot gun was as restless as his furrowed brow, almost as if it was the Union army on the outskirts of Fredricksburg, awaiting a hopeless attack on Marye's Heights. That attack would come in the form of a prostitute named Sarah, and the end result would be syphilis, like so many bodies stacked upon the field of battle.
She entered the room lustily, swaying her hips, almost as if saying "Emancipate my womanhood, Captain. Lay my Shenandoah Valley to waste". They met wordlessly, lit by both the moon and candlelight. Her vagina encapsuled his penis, and they battled for position on the field of her womanhood. And though the lovemaking lasted longer than anyone could have predicted, except for a few who realized the comparative advantages and disadvantages of both parties, they still were able to burn down Atlanta that wet, dewy, night.
I read all the submissions with no author info attached, so please step up and claim your prize! Post here or email me your contact info and picture request at bigbigtruck at fastmail dot jp.
Again, thank you all SO MUCH. This was a hoot. I hope you had as much fun as I did. ♥