(no subject)
so here goes once again.....i went to work again 12 hours....no biggie. came home hung up my six loads of laundry and now i sit here. tomorow my new tv comesw. 52 inch i guess big screen you would call it. it also comes with a boose sound system its nice and very expencive. oh well money is easy to come by now days. i guess. so yeah now i await levi`s arrivel mfey only friend it seems now. so i guess amanda thinks i dont love her. well i still love her it just seems like she dont really see that. so yeah what to do now with my life seeing how the only person i have really cared about for the past two years does not even know that i love her more than anything in this world and the only reason that im alive today is becasue of her. she was the only reason i have not taken the knife and slide it down my vains and let the blood flow to the ground, and i dont understand this is the person that makes me want to do it. i dont know. i just wish sometimes i had the balls to do it. i use to but yeah im a big pussy now i dont even party anymore i guess im growing up. and facing my life looking at the glass as half fool instead of half empty. but what happens when i drink the other half then what am i left with. an empty fucking glass. just as my life is, empty cause she is gone and she was the only person who made me feel like my glass is filled to the rim. she made me smile, laugh, make me feel like a person. At first when she first left my glass had a small hairline crack in it slowly leaking out. but as time grew the crack got worse and the my glass leaked out faster. now my glass is almost empty. as is my life. Everytime i see her my glass gets filled up a little more. but she leaves, the crack is still there, so it leaks out. and im alone again. waiting for that moment i see her standing there, waiting for me with that look in her eye, that lets me know that she still loves me. and i know then that i still love her. i know this cause when i hug her, i get those feelings, those that i got when i first held her in my arms. and then i get all those memories of when we werre together, when we were happy and it seemed like we did not have to care about anything but the two of us being happy. it seems like all we do is fight now, but those memories are what hold me together. i know i say i dont care but i do i do more than anything. it just hurts me so much i dont want to care so i say that so i dont care. but i do i love her so much and i dont know what i would do if you were to die tomorow. i think i would curl up next to to your tombstone and lie there till i meet you again.