(no subject)

[bigbenjammen]

so now here i sit not but maybe 3 friends in this entire world. i have nothign to look forward too im just waiting for the day i die i welcome death with open arms to take me away. but he never comes. i want to just forse him to come but i just cant bring myself to it i dont know why. but hey oh well i guess im not goijng anywhere i just dont understand why? why my life isw even important the only thing i had important in my life well just got up and vanashed and i have not seen or heard from her in a long time. i thought she came to visit but she came back as someone else and well forgot about me all together and now she is lost for ever. but now she has her life and i guess im not in it like she said not right now she jsut want time to her self and what goign to clubs dancing drinking sleeping with other guys is alone time im glad i ment nothing to you that you could so easily forget to call me everynite little did i know you were probably just out with someone else i mean fuck i know im not the greatest person in the world. but you told me i was the greasest thing to happen to you. but i guess that was a fucking lie i gue3ss i was not the greatest boyfriend. i mean i changed everything about me for you the way i dressed the way i lived, everything i do i did for you but you know what im sure someone out there one day will appreciate me for me no trying to chang e me around wont constantly be tring to cheat on me during our intire relationship. and maybe even her friends wont sit around and talk shit about me and make fun of me for calling you all the time im sorry maybe cause i cant forget you. cause everytime i said i love you i fucking meant it every god damn time and now you still say it like its fucking hello. well i may be be a fucking sap thats only because i do love you but i guess i have to get over that cause im obviosly goign to live here the rest of my life. alone beacause i will find no one because over the past years ive been getting fatter and more unatractive well i never really was and whatever i can see i would leave me too i would of at least dragged me out to the shed and put me down cause now im no good for anything.

The one thing i do wanna appologize and i truely mean this i am sorrry for taking the one thing that i can never get back.