Can i graduate?
I...
I've been... very angry lately. And for that i'd like to apologize to anyone i might have offended in the past few months.
While i can come up with many, many excuses and truths for why i've been this way, it's still my fault for getting here. I don't like being bitter, but it's very easy and familiar for me to be that way.
The past few months i've pretty much just put on an angry face and have walked around as a parody of what i think makes me a decent person. And while this is something that's going to keep happening on and off as it may, i'd like to take this moment of clarity to address it.
I'm insecure, and jealous, and worried, and stoic, and whatever else. I've been a bad bunch of adjectives lately. I really, really try to be an optimist and a humanitarian. And while i admit i feel a little bit better for being snooty, objective, and overall a douchebag. It all adds up to me being petty and pretty much just being the fat kid that picks on the skinny kid.
I'm in a state of chaos and disarray. And while i'd be lying if i didn't get a little bit of comfort with all the conflict i'm surrounded by and create, i'm really just letting myself sink deeper into a pit of misery.
Laura and I aren't right. This is probably the main reason i'm so off kilter. I miss having my best friend. I know she misses it too, but we've all but had a communications break down. And while we're both at fault, i think i've been being just as a big or in fact a bigger ass. I miss our bedroom talk. It's been such a chore lately to even lay next to each other and i know that we both feel that it's not right. And while i know that relationships change and evolve and in some cases break down, I feel like in the end, we both know we need each other in order to have some sort of grasp on what would be considered our version of happiness. I couldn't ever imagine my feelings would ever change about how much i love laura. It's an exuberant amount, by the way.
There's nothing wrong with that, being attached to someone. I've been thinking about the easy way for far to long. It's much easier to think that i'll just be better off by myself. And yes, it would be easier to just maintain myself, it's nowhere near as rewarding.
I dunno. I just wanted to write this down before i forgot.
You have to pick 3 good adjectives about yourself. Or, mostly good i guess. I had trouble picking to be quite honest. I hide so much from myself i remain a mystery even to me.
As for now, i'm going to go with:
Emotional, reflective, good intentioned.
if intentioned is a word that is.
I've been... very angry lately. And for that i'd like to apologize to anyone i might have offended in the past few months.
While i can come up with many, many excuses and truths for why i've been this way, it's still my fault for getting here. I don't like being bitter, but it's very easy and familiar for me to be that way.
The past few months i've pretty much just put on an angry face and have walked around as a parody of what i think makes me a decent person. And while this is something that's going to keep happening on and off as it may, i'd like to take this moment of clarity to address it.
I'm insecure, and jealous, and worried, and stoic, and whatever else. I've been a bad bunch of adjectives lately. I really, really try to be an optimist and a humanitarian. And while i admit i feel a little bit better for being snooty, objective, and overall a douchebag. It all adds up to me being petty and pretty much just being the fat kid that picks on the skinny kid.
I'm in a state of chaos and disarray. And while i'd be lying if i didn't get a little bit of comfort with all the conflict i'm surrounded by and create, i'm really just letting myself sink deeper into a pit of misery.
Laura and I aren't right. This is probably the main reason i'm so off kilter. I miss having my best friend. I know she misses it too, but we've all but had a communications break down. And while we're both at fault, i think i've been being just as a big or in fact a bigger ass. I miss our bedroom talk. It's been such a chore lately to even lay next to each other and i know that we both feel that it's not right. And while i know that relationships change and evolve and in some cases break down, I feel like in the end, we both know we need each other in order to have some sort of grasp on what would be considered our version of happiness. I couldn't ever imagine my feelings would ever change about how much i love laura. It's an exuberant amount, by the way.
There's nothing wrong with that, being attached to someone. I've been thinking about the easy way for far to long. It's much easier to think that i'll just be better off by myself. And yes, it would be easier to just maintain myself, it's nowhere near as rewarding.
I dunno. I just wanted to write this down before i forgot.
You have to pick 3 good adjectives about yourself. Or, mostly good i guess. I had trouble picking to be quite honest. I hide so much from myself i remain a mystery even to me.
As for now, i'm going to go with:
Emotional, reflective, good intentioned.
if intentioned is a word that is.