When is love no longer enough?
This post is for select viewing. I need advice, I need wisdom of others. I need to get my mind focused. The title says it all. I am very much in love, again never has been the issue with Gypsy. With the loss of so much of our dynamic, and with so much of what I need being lost, I am in a constant state of heartache. I love her with all that I am and I know that will never change. I hurt every time I look at her now. I see the plans we had that have been pushed aside. I see the things we have done, the love that we shared, things that are now lost. I remember the joy I felt as she submitted to me. The pride I felt as I learned new things about myself. The courage that ran thru me as I pushed beyond my own limits in pursuit of bringing pleasure to her. I see the family I have been trying to build for so long fading into nothing. I feel myself slipping back down the slope of my own failure.
I do not want this pain. I do not want to live hanging on the smallest possibility that she may change her mind and be all those things again. I do not want the pain of knowning that when she goes back to Cali to see Rey she will be living those aspects we have lost. I do not want the pain of not having her in my life.
So I ask the question, when is love no longer enough. When do you have to give up and walk away. When is the joy finally over shadowed by the loss of what once was. Is this just another failure for me that I am not strong enough to bear the weight of loss to be with her.
I have come to no decisions about this, I know there are only two choices for me. I can stay and hope that one day we will rebuild, always knowing that she is leaving. I can walk away and hope that I can find what I am looking for. Either choice is going to cause pain. I have made commitments to her, I have made promises to myself...either way I go my honor is tarnished.
For now I can only take it one day at a time and see if things change...but the question will need to be answered one day.
Peace, Love, and Jelly Dounuts
I do not want this pain. I do not want to live hanging on the smallest possibility that she may change her mind and be all those things again. I do not want the pain of knowning that when she goes back to Cali to see Rey she will be living those aspects we have lost. I do not want the pain of not having her in my life.
So I ask the question, when is love no longer enough. When do you have to give up and walk away. When is the joy finally over shadowed by the loss of what once was. Is this just another failure for me that I am not strong enough to bear the weight of loss to be with her.
I have come to no decisions about this, I know there are only two choices for me. I can stay and hope that one day we will rebuild, always knowing that she is leaving. I can walk away and hope that I can find what I am looking for. Either choice is going to cause pain. I have made commitments to her, I have made promises to myself...either way I go my honor is tarnished.
For now I can only take it one day at a time and see if things change...but the question will need to be answered one day.
Peace, Love, and Jelly Dounuts