(no subject)
decided not to add anything about homosexuality. too complicated. umm reworded some things here and there, but most of you wouldnt know that cuz most of you didnt read my original. umm to those who know about that whole bored girl=horny girl joke thing, hahah um i changed it so it wasnt as much about sex as it was about just getting attention. umm yah i just need to know what you all think, especially the guys cuz i dont want it to be too offending....
edit: ok i changed the names even though they dont mean anything. nothing even happens anyway...
When a Girl Tells Her Guy She’s Bored…
Bob and Mary are laying on the sofa in Bob’s living room, watching a documentary on the world’s most technically impressive computer hardware. Their bodies are as close as they can possibly get-Mary’s head leaning softly on Bob’s chest, Bob’s arm tucked gently around Mary’s shoulders-but Bob’s eyes are intently glued to the television screen. Despite their physical closeness, Mary notices Bob’s lack of warmth towards her. Mary moves up on the sofa so that her face is next to his, and as Bob’s arm instinctively readjusts itself around Mary’s waist, Mary begins to play with Bob’s hair. Bob’s eyes continue to stare raptly at the glaring TV screen, so in an attempt to break Bob’s inattentive concentration, Mary pulls Bob’s lips into hers. As they pull away, Bob gives Mary a look of complete bewilderment. Mary replies with a puppy dog look in her eyes, “I’m bored, baby. Let’s watch something else.”
Now, to all of you guys out there, here’s a question for you: why shouldn’t Bob just change the channel and continue watching TV as Mary has just requested?
If you don’t have an answer, then continue reading the rest of this essay. If you do have an answer, then continue reading the rest of this essay, because you are a guy and you are most likely incorrect.
To help guide you through the complex thinking that you will presumably require in order to get the slightest idea of what your answer to the above question should be, I suggest that you direct your attention to the words “I’m bored.” Good, now what, you may ask, is so important about that phrase that Bob cannot just let Mary watch the “something else” that she explicitly desired? First, there is a deeper, more obscure meaning to those words than just the dullness and disinterest that the dictionary meaning of the word “bored” suggests. In the situation above, Mary more than clearly expresses that there is more to her words than just their blatant meaning through her actions. See, girls like to hint at what they are truly thinking using both key words and certain actions; we do not like to openly state it because that would not require you to give any thought, whatsoever, as to what is happening. We like to be certain that you truly understand us, therefore assuring that we are not wasting our time and emotions on you.
But let me continue on to the point. The true meaning in the phrase “I’m bored” when spoken by a female is not easily deciphered by the male intellect. Consider yourself lucky in coming across this essay because I am about to reveal to you a whole new world.
In openly stating that we are bored, we girls are hinting at our inward desire for your male attention. This male attention could include flirting, physical closeness, or doing something sweet such as cooking or just giving a compliment. In other words, when we say that we are bored, we are looking to be flattered. Let me take a minute to point out that by “male attention” and “physical closeness” I do not mean sex. I mean an activity along the lines of cuddling or even just a sweet and simple kiss on the cheek or forehead. Also, notice the use of the word “flattered.” Flattered is not the same as “sexually satisfied” or, in laymen’s terms, “laid.” Openly and shamelessly expressing your desire to conceive our children is not flattering. Flattering us is appealing to our emotions in a positive light, and displaying your appreciation for our hearts having been placed in your hands. It is demonstrating that you truly do love us, in turn earning yourselves the privilege of having your love requited.
Allow me to mention that we do, of course, have a wild side. It is certainly true that “girls just wanna have fun” and that we do, indeed, have a habit of playing games with the male beings in our lives. But the fact of the matter is that our hearts are a bigger part of us than our desire for fun and games; our feelings have a tendency to get the better of us. We are run by our emotions-meaning actual feelings, not PMS-rather than our sense of logic and reasoning. Despite the idiocy displayed by our male counterparts, our feelings towards you cause us to see past your greatly mistaken idea that you must protect your egos (because why protect a big head when there is nothing in there anyway?) and all of your pointless competitions to boast your brawn. We consider you men in high regards because somehow you are the only ones who make our lives complete and we will not deny that we cannot live without you.
So why, then, should Bob not just change the channel and expect Mary to be satisfied? Because Mary is a girl, and girls are the more complex of the two human race genders. Because Mary is one of many who hold their male counterparts in high standards, and become greatly upset when those male counterparts do anything to cause even the slightest doubt in our minds about holding them up so high. Because Mary wants to know that Bob loves and understands her. If you were not able to come up with any of those answers, or anything along the lines of those answers, after reading this essay, then read it again. If you were able to come up with a correct answer, then congratulations, you are now one step closer to understanding the mind of a woman.
©bigbadteddybear