Good Vibrations
so the weather has suddenly got a lot colder. thats gay, because it reminds me that every second i spend doing nothing is another second of my gap year that has blown away in the WINDS OF TIIIME (!!!!111), and will never come back. and i spend a lot of seconds doing nothing.
i get the impression that the general consensus among much of the gap year crowd is that taking this year out was a mistake, and the way the year seems to be slipping away (consider that its been nearly 5 months since the end of exams, terrifying) with very little being accomplished on the most part does little to allay this.
BUT! i dont feel like that. ok, so technically i may have accomplished very little in the past five months. i've spent the majority of the time either sleeping, getting high, or playing the guitar. i still dont know where im going to uni next year, or even what i really want to do when i get there. i still dont have a decent job with regular hours that i can rely on. i have precisely 77p in my bank account. i've got no savings and no travel plans that'd give me something to look forward to. the band is pretty much defunct and with andy at uni and certain factions that will remain nameless refusing to hunt for a new drummer its likely to stay that way.
i've achieved virtually nothing tangible in the half of a year since exams ended.
BUT! i have achieved something intangible, which to me is more important than any of the things listed above. i happy with who i am now. academically and financially my life might be a shambles, but i feel more confident being "matt wilson" than i have in years. a large part of this is down to the lovely sian emily rance. i've got a really really good feeling about this relationship. for a start, sian is beautiful. she has this brilliant calming effect on me, whenever i see her i forget about all the bollocks and just feel happy that she chooses to honour me with her time. if it wasnt for the fact that she lives in watford i would gladly be with her 24/7. it almost makes me want to do that... squee... thing... but one step at a time.
the amount of practice i put into the guitar over the summer paid off as well. i now feel completely confident with "matt wilson: guitarist", as opposed to being reliant on the MSK. dont get me wrong, its still my lifes dream to make it big playing music with The Mayfare Superkings, but for the first time ever i can see myself having the confidence in my abilities to go out and get a new band and try and make it big with them if the MSK do fall apart.
so even if i dont achieve anything more with my gap year, or do anything of any interest, i'll still be happy, cause i feel like i've won.
i get the impression that the general consensus among much of the gap year crowd is that taking this year out was a mistake, and the way the year seems to be slipping away (consider that its been nearly 5 months since the end of exams, terrifying) with very little being accomplished on the most part does little to allay this.
BUT! i dont feel like that. ok, so technically i may have accomplished very little in the past five months. i've spent the majority of the time either sleeping, getting high, or playing the guitar. i still dont know where im going to uni next year, or even what i really want to do when i get there. i still dont have a decent job with regular hours that i can rely on. i have precisely 77p in my bank account. i've got no savings and no travel plans that'd give me something to look forward to. the band is pretty much defunct and with andy at uni and certain factions that will remain nameless refusing to hunt for a new drummer its likely to stay that way.
i've achieved virtually nothing tangible in the half of a year since exams ended.
BUT! i have achieved something intangible, which to me is more important than any of the things listed above. i happy with who i am now. academically and financially my life might be a shambles, but i feel more confident being "matt wilson" than i have in years. a large part of this is down to the lovely sian emily rance. i've got a really really good feeling about this relationship. for a start, sian is beautiful. she has this brilliant calming effect on me, whenever i see her i forget about all the bollocks and just feel happy that she chooses to honour me with her time. if it wasnt for the fact that she lives in watford i would gladly be with her 24/7. it almost makes me want to do that... squee... thing... but one step at a time.
the amount of practice i put into the guitar over the summer paid off as well. i now feel completely confident with "matt wilson: guitarist", as opposed to being reliant on the MSK. dont get me wrong, its still my lifes dream to make it big playing music with The Mayfare Superkings, but for the first time ever i can see myself having the confidence in my abilities to go out and get a new band and try and make it big with them if the MSK do fall apart.
so even if i dont achieve anything more with my gap year, or do anything of any interest, i'll still be happy, cause i feel like i've won.