(no subject)
omg.. kayla just showed me this really sad story..
And I inhaled deeply, feeling the comforting wave of smoke filter through me."You know you really should quit," He said, grateful for something to say."I know." I took a couple more long drags and threw it on the ground, crushing its glowing red heat with the bottom of my beat up converses. I took out the pack, unable to fight the temptation. I can’t believe I smoke this much, it wasn’t like this before we broke up. I offered him one and he gave me a skeptical look."Since when do I smoke?" He asked with a hint of attitude and disbelief." Sorry..I guess I really don't know you as well as I used to." An awkward silence fell upon us. He looked at me but I couldn't bare the pain and tension I saw in his eyes. I looked away. I couldn't do it. I missed him and he knew it. My mind began to wander and I remembered everything. I still wonder how we got this way, how we just drifted. I remembered all the summer nights we had just walking in the park or gazing at the stars. I remember his gentle kiss, and the way he would always know when I wasn’t myself. As I glanced down I noticed his watch glowing. 11:11 pm. Tears sprung to my eyes as I remembered that first night we were together. "Make a wish," he had said. At that moment we caught each other's eyes and we knew that it went without saying. We both wished for each other and from then on we were perfect together. But sometimes, things just aren't meant to be, and fate has sometimes drastic ways of putting that message across. I remember the bad times and how we worked through them together and it helped to strengthen our relationship. smiled sadly as I remembered how everyone said we would never make it and we proved them so wrong. I can’t exactly pinpoint the day things started to change, but I felt it more than ever. But the one thing that disappointed me was I doubted his real feelings for me, because he never said I love you to me, which made me sad because I loved him and cared about him so much. Eventually he called less frequently, and always seemed to be busy. He didn’t come behind me and wrap his arms around me in school like he used to, and he barely paid any attention to me. It sucks that things happen for a reason. Why? Why must fate be against me and the only guy I really loved? But maybe fate is trying to tell us something here, because we were the last two people to be picked up from the party tonight. Suddenly I snapped back into the present.
He noticed the tears come to my eyes as I looked at his watch. He looked at it too and tried to cover up his disappointment and sadness. We sat there in silence for what seemed an eternity. Finally I saw a car headlights coming down the desolate road.
"Well.. I guess I should be going now.." he said hesitantly, clearly still zoned out.." Yeah... I guess so.. Um.. bye." I pulled him into an awkward hug and he pulled away after a while, as if he could no longer hold on to me. I watched him slowly walk away without looking back, which made it so much worse. My heart really shattered tonight and I fear it will never come back together. No girl will ever be able to really have him, because a part of him will always be with me. I believe you only fall in love once, and this was it. It feels like my world is coming to an end, and all I see is black and fading colors of grey. I woke up at three in the morning, unable to take the pain in my heart. Absent mindedly I grabbed the phone and called him, but he didn’t answer. I pushed up my sleeve and looked at the collection of deep red marks and scars that were scattered up and down my arm. Ever since we broke up that was my only way of dealing with the pain. I had entirely avoided my wrist, knowing that one slash of the knife could end my sad pathetic life. But now it was different. I knew there was nothing going for me, and everything I ever did wrong ran through my head. I grabbed the serrated knife from my bedside table drawer and sat there with my hand quivering. There was nothing left for me to live for. I lost the only guy I ever truly loved and my beloved mother. I have no friends anymore, the only person left is my abusive father. Anger swelled up inside of me as I remembered how cruel my father is and how my love let me go. I swiftly cut across my vein, almost happy as the warm wave of blood flowed from my wrist onto my hand and onto the tear stained pillow. Black tears ran down my cheeks and the last thing I heard before I took my last sharp breath was my answering machine.
“Kelly, it’s me. I’m sorry I missed your calls. I wasn’t sleeping either, I was thinking about you all night. The thing is, Kell, I miss you. I was thinking about what went wrong and I think we can try it again. I’ve always been so afraid, you know? Afraid to fall too hard for you. But it’s true.. I love you, and I always will. Please call me when you get this.”
im at kaylas house. tonight christians having a party and me meg and kayla are gonna go, then off to meghans house! fun fun.
stupid meghan gave me a coldt. =)
yesterday my sister's boyfriend came over for a bit. so i hung out wit them.. hes nice i like him (not like that tho) they were like 'caitlin close the door' (bc my mom wouldnt let them close it bc they were alone.. so i did. then i was straightenin my hair then they like started making out.. and i was like um.. excuse me.. should i leave? but they ignored me. then kayla picked me up for the hay ride at church.. i hate hay.
lmao.. before i came here, my gpa had to move his car and then my sis was gonna take me. and megan (my sis) had like this blue thing on her lip.. so i told her then she flipped out and my gpa is like 'oh somebody has a hicky!' it was soo funny. then she should me a massive hicky on her neck.. geez wht a whore =)
ok im out. lata
x0ox Caitlin <3
Comment =D
And I inhaled deeply, feeling the comforting wave of smoke filter through me."You know you really should quit," He said, grateful for something to say."I know." I took a couple more long drags and threw it on the ground, crushing its glowing red heat with the bottom of my beat up converses. I took out the pack, unable to fight the temptation. I can’t believe I smoke this much, it wasn’t like this before we broke up. I offered him one and he gave me a skeptical look."Since when do I smoke?" He asked with a hint of attitude and disbelief." Sorry..I guess I really don't know you as well as I used to." An awkward silence fell upon us. He looked at me but I couldn't bare the pain and tension I saw in his eyes. I looked away. I couldn't do it. I missed him and he knew it. My mind began to wander and I remembered everything. I still wonder how we got this way, how we just drifted. I remembered all the summer nights we had just walking in the park or gazing at the stars. I remember his gentle kiss, and the way he would always know when I wasn’t myself. As I glanced down I noticed his watch glowing. 11:11 pm. Tears sprung to my eyes as I remembered that first night we were together. "Make a wish," he had said. At that moment we caught each other's eyes and we knew that it went without saying. We both wished for each other and from then on we were perfect together. But sometimes, things just aren't meant to be, and fate has sometimes drastic ways of putting that message across. I remember the bad times and how we worked through them together and it helped to strengthen our relationship. smiled sadly as I remembered how everyone said we would never make it and we proved them so wrong. I can’t exactly pinpoint the day things started to change, but I felt it more than ever. But the one thing that disappointed me was I doubted his real feelings for me, because he never said I love you to me, which made me sad because I loved him and cared about him so much. Eventually he called less frequently, and always seemed to be busy. He didn’t come behind me and wrap his arms around me in school like he used to, and he barely paid any attention to me. It sucks that things happen for a reason. Why? Why must fate be against me and the only guy I really loved? But maybe fate is trying to tell us something here, because we were the last two people to be picked up from the party tonight. Suddenly I snapped back into the present.
He noticed the tears come to my eyes as I looked at his watch. He looked at it too and tried to cover up his disappointment and sadness. We sat there in silence for what seemed an eternity. Finally I saw a car headlights coming down the desolate road.
"Well.. I guess I should be going now.." he said hesitantly, clearly still zoned out.." Yeah... I guess so.. Um.. bye." I pulled him into an awkward hug and he pulled away after a while, as if he could no longer hold on to me. I watched him slowly walk away without looking back, which made it so much worse. My heart really shattered tonight and I fear it will never come back together. No girl will ever be able to really have him, because a part of him will always be with me. I believe you only fall in love once, and this was it. It feels like my world is coming to an end, and all I see is black and fading colors of grey. I woke up at three in the morning, unable to take the pain in my heart. Absent mindedly I grabbed the phone and called him, but he didn’t answer. I pushed up my sleeve and looked at the collection of deep red marks and scars that were scattered up and down my arm. Ever since we broke up that was my only way of dealing with the pain. I had entirely avoided my wrist, knowing that one slash of the knife could end my sad pathetic life. But now it was different. I knew there was nothing going for me, and everything I ever did wrong ran through my head. I grabbed the serrated knife from my bedside table drawer and sat there with my hand quivering. There was nothing left for me to live for. I lost the only guy I ever truly loved and my beloved mother. I have no friends anymore, the only person left is my abusive father. Anger swelled up inside of me as I remembered how cruel my father is and how my love let me go. I swiftly cut across my vein, almost happy as the warm wave of blood flowed from my wrist onto my hand and onto the tear stained pillow. Black tears ran down my cheeks and the last thing I heard before I took my last sharp breath was my answering machine.
“Kelly, it’s me. I’m sorry I missed your calls. I wasn’t sleeping either, I was thinking about you all night. The thing is, Kell, I miss you. I was thinking about what went wrong and I think we can try it again. I’ve always been so afraid, you know? Afraid to fall too hard for you. But it’s true.. I love you, and I always will. Please call me when you get this.”
im at kaylas house. tonight christians having a party and me meg and kayla are gonna go, then off to meghans house! fun fun.
stupid meghan gave me a coldt. =)
yesterday my sister's boyfriend came over for a bit. so i hung out wit them.. hes nice i like him (not like that tho) they were like 'caitlin close the door' (bc my mom wouldnt let them close it bc they were alone.. so i did. then i was straightenin my hair then they like started making out.. and i was like um.. excuse me.. should i leave? but they ignored me. then kayla picked me up for the hay ride at church.. i hate hay.
lmao.. before i came here, my gpa had to move his car and then my sis was gonna take me. and megan (my sis) had like this blue thing on her lip.. so i told her then she flipped out and my gpa is like 'oh somebody has a hicky!' it was soo funny. then she should me a massive hicky on her neck.. geez wht a whore =)
ok im out. lata
x0ox Caitlin <3
Comment =D