Boy...that was a close one.
I convinced myself that I would never be able to say I loved someone.I guess sometimes though, without even conciously realizing it, someone becomes such a part of your life that you start to feel for them. Even if just an inkling, you know inside that that person cares for you, and you for them. Yes, audience...it happened not all that long ago. To me. That's right...yours truly.
At first I was skeptical. I didn't care for the silly merriment of a relationship. But slowly my frozen tar-lump of a heart warmed to that idea. It was nice. It felt good. Someone needed me. At this point, I still didn't feel I needed them too much, but with time that too, friends, changed.
So, I guess I just lowered my defenses. I allowed for the idea that there was truly one who wouldn't go do things behind my back, or spill what was told them in confidence, or all the icky things that make shiny happy people turn into hateful exes. Yep....
FUCK THAT
There's no such girl. Any guy who belives that is a complete moron.
Im now placed in a difficult position.
Am I overreacting? Am I being a hypocrite? Should I give it time? Should I break it off? Forgive and forget? Fuck.
You know, this whole thing is waaaaaay more complicated than I ever gave it credit for. Kudos, Love...you sure are quite a doozie.
I miss being callous and unfeeling. I really do.
The truth is, she is pretty much the first girl I've ever really cared for, and that makes it so much harder for me to convince myself that she really fucked up. I know her record is less than squeaky clean, and that makes me all the more wary. Her excuse is that all the other boyfriends cheated on her. She has a hard time trusting people. Sooooo...what the fuck are YOU doing now? Jeeeesus.
I know Im putting myself on a pedestal here...(and at this point I'd like to apologize to any unwary passerby who stumbled upon this long and pointless rant...please disregard)...but I don't do that shit. Likely because I really have no record to speak of, but that doesn't change the fact that I ABSOLUTELY HATE BEING LIED TO. I don't care what the fuck you call it-it all comes down to that pointy tip.
My years have been so rife with liars, decievers, double-crossers...I can't stand it anymore.
I wish I could say with certainty that I would just move on, but fuck...I dunno. One one hand, it pisses me off, but its really not all that serious. On the other hand, it really makes me think that if she had no problem doing this, then what wouldn't she do?
I am so very lost.
/end rant
At first I was skeptical. I didn't care for the silly merriment of a relationship. But slowly my frozen tar-lump of a heart warmed to that idea. It was nice. It felt good. Someone needed me. At this point, I still didn't feel I needed them too much, but with time that too, friends, changed.
So, I guess I just lowered my defenses. I allowed for the idea that there was truly one who wouldn't go do things behind my back, or spill what was told them in confidence, or all the icky things that make shiny happy people turn into hateful exes. Yep....
FUCK THAT
There's no such girl. Any guy who belives that is a complete moron.
Im now placed in a difficult position.
Am I overreacting? Am I being a hypocrite? Should I give it time? Should I break it off? Forgive and forget? Fuck.
You know, this whole thing is waaaaaay more complicated than I ever gave it credit for. Kudos, Love...you sure are quite a doozie.
I miss being callous and unfeeling. I really do.
The truth is, she is pretty much the first girl I've ever really cared for, and that makes it so much harder for me to convince myself that she really fucked up. I know her record is less than squeaky clean, and that makes me all the more wary. Her excuse is that all the other boyfriends cheated on her. She has a hard time trusting people. Sooooo...what the fuck are YOU doing now? Jeeeesus.
I know Im putting myself on a pedestal here...(and at this point I'd like to apologize to any unwary passerby who stumbled upon this long and pointless rant...please disregard)...but I don't do that shit. Likely because I really have no record to speak of, but that doesn't change the fact that I ABSOLUTELY HATE BEING LIED TO. I don't care what the fuck you call it-it all comes down to that pointy tip.
My years have been so rife with liars, decievers, double-crossers...I can't stand it anymore.
I wish I could say with certainty that I would just move on, but fuck...I dunno. One one hand, it pisses me off, but its really not all that serious. On the other hand, it really makes me think that if she had no problem doing this, then what wouldn't she do?
I am so very lost.
/end rant