(no subject)
blaaarrrrgggghh!!
feeling like shit, partied too much the last couple days. went to breakfast with my buddy sonny on thursday morning. i got off work at 7am and decided to stay up and go to the bank to cash my paycheck. while i was downtown i went to the gold rush, the biggest dive bar in vancouver. i knew sonny would be there because he is a stone cold alcoholic, drinks first thing when he wakes up in the morning. i love the guy. he has problems, but don't we all? i had been eating vicodin, had one when i got to work and one when i got off. had some breakfast and spanish coffees at the rush and got really fucked up.
its weird being drunk as hell during the morning hours. reminded me of living in new orleans where i would routinely stumble out of the bar at 10 in the morning after drinking all night long. i always took my sunglasses with me when i went out at night cause the odds were good that i wouldn't be going home until the sun had been up for a while.
had a nice breakfast though, i love spending time with sonny. i work with him on wednesdays and sundays at dragonfly. he has had quite a life, knows a lot of old time tattooers. i think he could be a comedian, he is so fucking funny. sometimes he gets me laughing so hard i have to tell him to shut the fuck up before i have a heart attack and die. his birthday is sunday, gonna be 39 but he looks like he is in his late 50's early 60's. in fact, sonny cultivates the old man look. he has gray hair, looks old from years of drug and alcohol abuse. he brags about how he can pay senior citizen rates at the movies (and has shown me the ticket stubs to prove it!).
rode the bus back to my nieghborhood, tried to sleep. i woke up after about 6 hours and was still fucked up as hell, it was like the vicodin all kicked in again or something. i felt sick to my stomach and thought i was gonna puke for a while, but i got over it. went back to sleep for a while, woke up again at 10. was lounging on the couch when peanut butter called and asked if i wanted to go out, i decided what the fuck.
met down at the elbow room, had one there, then went over to shanahans, the local "irish" pub. at least they have tullamore dew there, my favorite irish whiskey. shot a little pool, had to play doubles and my partner was a drunken idiot jock type moron. he was trying to show me his cool tattoo, some hand poked piece of shit on his arm that was just horrendous. at any rate, we won a game and lost a game.
peanut butter's friends sara and michelle were there too. i like those girls a lot, they are funny and interesting, cool to hang out with. we went over to another bar i had never been to, the hideaway. it was a pretty cool joint, had four pool tables. also a dart board. drinks weren't so great though, the bartender measured his shots. guess i am spoiled by the elbow room. shot a couple more games of pool with some of peanut butter's other friends, lost one and won one this time.
went back to pb's place after the bar closed, smoked some weed. i hadn't drank very much so i let myself indulge the green buds. watched a couple of episodes of sex and the city which i had never seen before. i am not a tv person really, but the show was pretty good i have to say.
christ, i am writing a lot haha. all this is venting to lead up to the emotional purging i have to do now. after we watched the show, pb put on some music, we were just sitting and smoking pot and listening to some tunes. then she put on the cure. ugh! i love them so much, but it is so hard for me to listen to them anymore. the last woman i loved, ugh! hate talking about this shit, but i am purging!! well, we listened to the cure a lot when we were together. its been over a year now since it ended, but that damn music still affects me way too much. so there i am, sitting with pb, listening to this music, i had to get up and go. i just couldn't take it. fortunately my friend adam was close by when i called him. didn't have to wait outside for too long, but i just couldn't sit in there and listen to it anymore, and i didn't want to be with anyone at the moment, i needed some time by myself do a little more grieving i guess.
love is a hard thing, it can do crazy stuff to your head, it can cause great joy and total pain. the rewards seem worthwhile while it lasts, but when you give yourself totally to someone they have a power over you, and when that love is taken away from you it is catastrophic. sometimes i wish i was a cold hearted bastard with no intelligence. maybe life would be easier if i didn't let my emotions ever reveal themselves. i wonder if i will ever find someone i can really share my life with. i feel older and older every day, more grey hairs coming in all the time. i am so tired of being alone. and i am scared of putting myself out there again. still, i am willing to take chances, i think my life is more full for having loved and lost. i have done so many things in my life, met many interesting people, traveled to many places. i have embraced my passions in so many different ways. i guess that is the chance you take when you open yourself to love and emotion and trying to make a real connection with another human being.
time to shut the fuck up. tonight i am gonna stay in, relax, smoke a little bud. maybe i'll play some games on my comp. i am a gaming addict, plus its a good way to turn off the brain when it is a little over-active.
feeling like shit, partied too much the last couple days. went to breakfast with my buddy sonny on thursday morning. i got off work at 7am and decided to stay up and go to the bank to cash my paycheck. while i was downtown i went to the gold rush, the biggest dive bar in vancouver. i knew sonny would be there because he is a stone cold alcoholic, drinks first thing when he wakes up in the morning. i love the guy. he has problems, but don't we all? i had been eating vicodin, had one when i got to work and one when i got off. had some breakfast and spanish coffees at the rush and got really fucked up.
its weird being drunk as hell during the morning hours. reminded me of living in new orleans where i would routinely stumble out of the bar at 10 in the morning after drinking all night long. i always took my sunglasses with me when i went out at night cause the odds were good that i wouldn't be going home until the sun had been up for a while.
had a nice breakfast though, i love spending time with sonny. i work with him on wednesdays and sundays at dragonfly. he has had quite a life, knows a lot of old time tattooers. i think he could be a comedian, he is so fucking funny. sometimes he gets me laughing so hard i have to tell him to shut the fuck up before i have a heart attack and die. his birthday is sunday, gonna be 39 but he looks like he is in his late 50's early 60's. in fact, sonny cultivates the old man look. he has gray hair, looks old from years of drug and alcohol abuse. he brags about how he can pay senior citizen rates at the movies (and has shown me the ticket stubs to prove it!).
rode the bus back to my nieghborhood, tried to sleep. i woke up after about 6 hours and was still fucked up as hell, it was like the vicodin all kicked in again or something. i felt sick to my stomach and thought i was gonna puke for a while, but i got over it. went back to sleep for a while, woke up again at 10. was lounging on the couch when peanut butter called and asked if i wanted to go out, i decided what the fuck.
met down at the elbow room, had one there, then went over to shanahans, the local "irish" pub. at least they have tullamore dew there, my favorite irish whiskey. shot a little pool, had to play doubles and my partner was a drunken idiot jock type moron. he was trying to show me his cool tattoo, some hand poked piece of shit on his arm that was just horrendous. at any rate, we won a game and lost a game.
peanut butter's friends sara and michelle were there too. i like those girls a lot, they are funny and interesting, cool to hang out with. we went over to another bar i had never been to, the hideaway. it was a pretty cool joint, had four pool tables. also a dart board. drinks weren't so great though, the bartender measured his shots. guess i am spoiled by the elbow room. shot a couple more games of pool with some of peanut butter's other friends, lost one and won one this time.
went back to pb's place after the bar closed, smoked some weed. i hadn't drank very much so i let myself indulge the green buds. watched a couple of episodes of sex and the city which i had never seen before. i am not a tv person really, but the show was pretty good i have to say.
christ, i am writing a lot haha. all this is venting to lead up to the emotional purging i have to do now. after we watched the show, pb put on some music, we were just sitting and smoking pot and listening to some tunes. then she put on the cure. ugh! i love them so much, but it is so hard for me to listen to them anymore. the last woman i loved, ugh! hate talking about this shit, but i am purging!! well, we listened to the cure a lot when we were together. its been over a year now since it ended, but that damn music still affects me way too much. so there i am, sitting with pb, listening to this music, i had to get up and go. i just couldn't take it. fortunately my friend adam was close by when i called him. didn't have to wait outside for too long, but i just couldn't sit in there and listen to it anymore, and i didn't want to be with anyone at the moment, i needed some time by myself do a little more grieving i guess.
love is a hard thing, it can do crazy stuff to your head, it can cause great joy and total pain. the rewards seem worthwhile while it lasts, but when you give yourself totally to someone they have a power over you, and when that love is taken away from you it is catastrophic. sometimes i wish i was a cold hearted bastard with no intelligence. maybe life would be easier if i didn't let my emotions ever reveal themselves. i wonder if i will ever find someone i can really share my life with. i feel older and older every day, more grey hairs coming in all the time. i am so tired of being alone. and i am scared of putting myself out there again. still, i am willing to take chances, i think my life is more full for having loved and lost. i have done so many things in my life, met many interesting people, traveled to many places. i have embraced my passions in so many different ways. i guess that is the chance you take when you open yourself to love and emotion and trying to make a real connection with another human being.
time to shut the fuck up. tonight i am gonna stay in, relax, smoke a little bud. maybe i'll play some games on my comp. i am a gaming addict, plus its a good way to turn off the brain when it is a little over-active.