(no subject)
just got back from the elbow room, was chillin' wit' my homie, the saulamander and his cool chica jesse, (as opposed to the lunatic he screws on the side who i don't really care for). had a couple wild turkeys. booze isn't doing it for me lately. it brings on instant depression. prolly didn't help that i was sitting there for an hour by myself before saul and jesse showed up. sometimes i think i think too much! maybe i should call the ex-shrink this week, i need to unload on someone and she is still willing to listen to me bitch and moan even though i don't pay her for it anymore.
i cooked myself an exceptionally delicious dinner tonight. made some chicken cacciatore, stuck a whole damn chicken in the pot. it turned out pretty fucking good, but of course my opinion is biased since i cooked it! i'll be eating it for the next 3 or 4 days. gonna make saul eat some tomorrow, he was here when i started cooking it and i could tell he was intrigued. he has recently come to appreciate mushrooms (no! not the hallucinogenic ones!) so hopefully he will enjoy my little culinary escapade.
tomorrow jenny is gonna stop by the shop and hang out for a bit after she gets off work. i talked to her tonight for about an hour on the phone. i have yet to confess my lust for her, but i think the time is rapidly approaching. i called her a few days ago (on tuesday if i recall correctly) and she said she was wondering about me. we had gone out on friday night and i didn't call her for a few days after. i guess i am playing my own little game now, dunno :( all i know is i really dig her a lot and i would like to kiss her. i don't want to invest too much emotion into whatever the fuck is going on between us because i can't really deal with rejection too well. i guess i just have to take a chance, you only live once (unless you are a buddhist) and sometimes it is better to take a risk than to wonder what would have happened if you had just had enough balls to spit out your real feelings. ugh!!! life is fucking hard sometimes!!
i am listening to iced earth right now. they are such a good band. sometimes music is the only thing that keeps me going. i lurch through life, wondering if it means anything at all. i suppose i should be grateful for the things i have, a decent place to live, a handful of very good friends, a family that is loving and supportive when i can force myself to communicate with them.... maybe i should get a cat.
paid the rent today. my landlord is one of the nicest people i know. when i go give him money i plan on at least a half an hour of conversation, he is a very interesting guy. today we talked about books. he recommended patrick o'brian (or o'brien), the guy who wrote the books that master and commander was based on. somehow we veered off onto roger zelazny, one of the best science fiction writers to ever walk the face of this ball of dirt we call home. it was sort of synchronicity, i had just finished reading donnerjack, the last book he wrote before his tragic death a few years ago. at any rate, the conversation was pleasant, as always, and i have a place to live for another month.
blaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!! life can be so damn frustrating at times. i am sick of being alone. i need some love in my life, i need someone to share my love with. the older i get the more bitter i get. i wonder what it would be like to be in a healthy loving relationship? i feel like robert de niro in taxi driver. i am god's lonely man (although i believe that is a line from a tom wolfe novel). soon i will snap and make headlines across the u.s. haha.
alright, gonna quit writing for now. maybe i'll kill some stuff on my computer and then try to get some sleep. i'd love to get a decent night of rest, gotta go to work tomorrow bright and early at noon.
i cooked myself an exceptionally delicious dinner tonight. made some chicken cacciatore, stuck a whole damn chicken in the pot. it turned out pretty fucking good, but of course my opinion is biased since i cooked it! i'll be eating it for the next 3 or 4 days. gonna make saul eat some tomorrow, he was here when i started cooking it and i could tell he was intrigued. he has recently come to appreciate mushrooms (no! not the hallucinogenic ones!) so hopefully he will enjoy my little culinary escapade.
tomorrow jenny is gonna stop by the shop and hang out for a bit after she gets off work. i talked to her tonight for about an hour on the phone. i have yet to confess my lust for her, but i think the time is rapidly approaching. i called her a few days ago (on tuesday if i recall correctly) and she said she was wondering about me. we had gone out on friday night and i didn't call her for a few days after. i guess i am playing my own little game now, dunno :( all i know is i really dig her a lot and i would like to kiss her. i don't want to invest too much emotion into whatever the fuck is going on between us because i can't really deal with rejection too well. i guess i just have to take a chance, you only live once (unless you are a buddhist) and sometimes it is better to take a risk than to wonder what would have happened if you had just had enough balls to spit out your real feelings. ugh!!! life is fucking hard sometimes!!
i am listening to iced earth right now. they are such a good band. sometimes music is the only thing that keeps me going. i lurch through life, wondering if it means anything at all. i suppose i should be grateful for the things i have, a decent place to live, a handful of very good friends, a family that is loving and supportive when i can force myself to communicate with them.... maybe i should get a cat.
paid the rent today. my landlord is one of the nicest people i know. when i go give him money i plan on at least a half an hour of conversation, he is a very interesting guy. today we talked about books. he recommended patrick o'brian (or o'brien), the guy who wrote the books that master and commander was based on. somehow we veered off onto roger zelazny, one of the best science fiction writers to ever walk the face of this ball of dirt we call home. it was sort of synchronicity, i had just finished reading donnerjack, the last book he wrote before his tragic death a few years ago. at any rate, the conversation was pleasant, as always, and i have a place to live for another month.
blaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!! life can be so damn frustrating at times. i am sick of being alone. i need some love in my life, i need someone to share my love with. the older i get the more bitter i get. i wonder what it would be like to be in a healthy loving relationship? i feel like robert de niro in taxi driver. i am god's lonely man (although i believe that is a line from a tom wolfe novel). soon i will snap and make headlines across the u.s. haha.
alright, gonna quit writing for now. maybe i'll kill some stuff on my computer and then try to get some sleep. i'd love to get a decent night of rest, gotta go to work tomorrow bright and early at noon.