confused

[big_hairy_balls]

i recently lost my best friend. i went from being the most loved person on the face of the earth to nothing more than a random person on the street.ive tryed to talk to her and be nice but she just dosent want anything to do with me anymore. ive been replaced by alcohol and friends and parties, if that's more important than love than i guess ive been compleatly wrong about the girl i fell in love with 4 years ago .im staying positve about it though, but theres really no one i can talk to about it. my mom. but that gets old, casue other than my mom, she was the only other person in this world that understood me and i could tell anything to. so now i have no where or no one to turn to.it's kinda ironic but ever since the day it happend its been really shitty out.im waiting for a nice sunny day to lift my spirits.i never use this thing anymore but its actually helping kinda.its going to be a sad day when she realizes that im always going to be there for her no matter what, but but i have a feeling that when she realizes it..i wont, i will have moved on and i dont want that to happen.this has been the longest two weeks of my life. im trying to keep busy but nothing i do can fill the viod of her in my life, and it's sad that she found something to fill the void of me and compleatly shut off her feallings for me. its the worst feeling in the world and i dont wish it upon anyone.i dont understand how you can be with someone for almost 4 years and then just compleatly not feel anything tward them or love them anymore at all. mabey love dosent exist. mabey its all a hoax, or a fad...everyones doing it why not you? just cause your on a break with your boyfriend dosent mean you have to compleatly ignore him, you can call everyonce and a while, it would be very nice i love the sound of your voise, like a mothers to a baby. how can you not wonder about me, what im doing? where i am ?ow am i doing? i know you, and thats not you, what your doing is not you. i dont know how you could not see all of these things right in front of you, you will soon enough when all your new friends pull a "kendra"(as i like to call it)...and unfortunatly i wont be there, and youl be alone, which i know you cant stand to be.

all of this might happen, it might not. i hope it dosent i hope soon something good happens, but i could wrong. either way i love you with all my heart and if your happy without me then im happy casue i dont want to see you sad.i hope you read this, i hope i get a good phone call soon