Firecane!
Ok, saw this on Twitter in a back and forth between 
Grig and
Kara, and I just couldn’t resist the urge to expand on it.
Ladies and gentlemen, Coming this fall on SyFy: Firecane!
As Hurricane Irene bears down on Virginia, a rogue nuclear scientist (Eric Roberts) is performing dangerous and highly questionable experiments in a nuclear reactor. Just as the hurricane hits, the experiments reach their peak and ignite the hurricane into a 75 mile wide fiery… umm… Hurricane! Thus is born: The Firecane!
Lorenzo Lamas is a world weary, hard drinking, seen it all meteorologist giving weather reports out of a small town UHF station, the only place that’ll take him after “The Incident” in New York. Debbie Gibson is a small town 7th grade science teacher who’s spunky independence puts her at odds with the administration. Together, they discover the secret of the Firecane and try to warn people, but nobody believes them until it’s too late and they have to save themselves and their annoyingly adorable kids who hate each other at first but eventually bring their parents together. Betty White plays Debbie Gibsons grandmother who, in an emotionally gut wrenching scene, Sacrifices her spot in the minivan so that Lorenzo, Debbie, and their kids (played by Jaden smith and Elle Fanning) can get away from the Firecane!
Meanwhile, in Washington, The President (Gary Busey) is told of the Firecane and instead of evacuating, he vows to stay and fight, demanding Answers, not excuses from his generals. There will probably be an adorable little dog that somehow finds himself in disasters way every 15-20 minutes and escapes unharmed every time despite the fact that incalculable carnage and mayhem go on around him.
See! Debaucherous college students having sex (with their clothes on, for some reason) and then getting caught in the Firecane! (“Wait, how did they not see a 75 mile wide wall of fire coming at them?” “Shut up! This is a SyFy movie, we need to have sexy people dying horribly for no good reason!”)
See! The City of Richmond get burned to a crisp in the middle of a Richmond Flying Squirrels game! (Ok, so that’s no great loss… and yes, the city of Richmond Virginia named their minor league AAA baseball affiliate the Flying Squirrels. That, in and of itself is worthy of divine retribution.)
See! The President meet the Firecane face to face in a round of fisticuffs! (“I swore to defend this country against all enemies, Foreign AND Domestic, Butthorn! EYAAAAAHHHGHGHGHGHGHGGHHHHH!!!”)
Firecane! A SyFy movie event, Coming this fall! Produced by Roger Corman! Directed by Uwe Boll!
Grig and
Kara, and I just couldn’t resist the urge to expand on it.
Ladies and gentlemen, Coming this fall on SyFy: Firecane!
As Hurricane Irene bears down on Virginia, a rogue nuclear scientist (Eric Roberts) is performing dangerous and highly questionable experiments in a nuclear reactor. Just as the hurricane hits, the experiments reach their peak and ignite the hurricane into a 75 mile wide fiery… umm… Hurricane! Thus is born: The Firecane!
Lorenzo Lamas is a world weary, hard drinking, seen it all meteorologist giving weather reports out of a small town UHF station, the only place that’ll take him after “The Incident” in New York. Debbie Gibson is a small town 7th grade science teacher who’s spunky independence puts her at odds with the administration. Together, they discover the secret of the Firecane and try to warn people, but nobody believes them until it’s too late and they have to save themselves and their annoyingly adorable kids who hate each other at first but eventually bring their parents together. Betty White plays Debbie Gibsons grandmother who, in an emotionally gut wrenching scene, Sacrifices her spot in the minivan so that Lorenzo, Debbie, and their kids (played by Jaden smith and Elle Fanning) can get away from the Firecane!
Meanwhile, in Washington, The President (Gary Busey) is told of the Firecane and instead of evacuating, he vows to stay and fight, demanding Answers, not excuses from his generals. There will probably be an adorable little dog that somehow finds himself in disasters way every 15-20 minutes and escapes unharmed every time despite the fact that incalculable carnage and mayhem go on around him.
See! Debaucherous college students having sex (with their clothes on, for some reason) and then getting caught in the Firecane! (“Wait, how did they not see a 75 mile wide wall of fire coming at them?” “Shut up! This is a SyFy movie, we need to have sexy people dying horribly for no good reason!”)
See! The City of Richmond get burned to a crisp in the middle of a Richmond Flying Squirrels game! (Ok, so that’s no great loss… and yes, the city of Richmond Virginia named their minor league AAA baseball affiliate the Flying Squirrels. That, in and of itself is worthy of divine retribution.)
See! The President meet the Firecane face to face in a round of fisticuffs! (“I swore to defend this country against all enemies, Foreign AND Domestic, Butthorn! EYAAAAAHHHGHGHGHGHGHGGHHHHH!!!”)
Firecane! A SyFy movie event, Coming this fall! Produced by Roger Corman! Directed by Uwe Boll!