You change the equation I add up to
Days had been quiet at the Hyperion, with everybody pretty much doin' their thing. Soul Boy had himself locked up in his office, with Cordelia reminding me and probably him every five minutes that he was brooding again. I had a feelin' Angel was feelin' all guilty cause his best pal Doyle up and died on him. Hey, life was a bitch that way and Angel'd been around for like a million years. You think he'd be used to the humans around him kickin' the bucket all the time. Why didn't he just do what everyone else did and lash out? Hurt back, except I almost got myself way too far gone to ever come back doin' that. Had I come back? I didn't know, wasn't sure-- it was confusing. I wanted to ask Angel lots of things but he was busy, and there wasn't nobody else except Cordelia. For her part she spent alot of time followin' me around and sometimes I didn't wonder if she was lonely or something. Always lookin' after me, like the mom I never had. A mom who shared a bed with me every single night for the last couple nights. Ok, that thought was just all kinds of wrong.
Wesley hadn't bothered to show up for a couple of days and I knew that bugged the shit outta Queen C. She was real anxious to get him in here, workin' with us. As if there were an us, less one mood vampire, a (formerly) psychotic slayer and a tapped out ex prom queen. Still, what better place for a fired bumbling watcher than here with the rest of us misfits? I knew the reason he hadn't shown up was cause I was here. Really who could blame the guy when I'd tortured him nearly to death not all that long ago. What were we supposed to do anyway? Just let bygones be bygones? I'd offered to leave like a million times but Cordy kept insisting that the both of us needed to work our shit out and get used to workin' together. There was no good way to argue with Cordelia and I'd long gotten over the urge to wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze everytime she wouldn't shut up. Now it was different, now it was...almost like she'd made me believe in something again as corny and lame as that sounded. She made me believe that I didn't have to end up the way everyone else always said I would. I was pretty sure she could do that for Wes too, cause let's be honest. Gettin' fired from the council musta stung the little prissy boy something fierce. Kinda almost felt bad despite the fact that he was the worst watcher ever in the history of watchers. He wasn't no Giles and I wasn't no B. Guess that was just the way it worked. Plus, Cordelia really wanted her apartment back. Vaguelly I wondered what would happen to the two of us once she did have it back. Might be kinda weird to go back to sleepin' alone.
Things were actually pretty boring for a few days which was sayin' alot when you were us. Cordelia and Angel were both still kinda sad about their pal, but at least I'd never met him. He'd just left me with the visions. Whatever the fuck that was. I'd only had the one and that had been painful enough. Sometimse when I closed my eyes I could still see it on the inside of my eyelids, I could still feel it. The way it'd felt to be that chick all helpless and beat up. Damn. Havin' no superpowers had to suck really bad. And maybe I'd once thought that the strong survived I realized that the strong usually died young, and the weak died younger. It was the smart one's that really survived, they made it way past the rest of us. And I never been known for my brains. That was for damn sure.
Either way I was bored as hell just sittin' around the hotel with nothin' to do and the only thing worth fightin' was a punching bag in the basement. So one afternoon I managed to convince Cordy to go on one of those auditions she was always talkin' about. She hadn't been on one in awhile and I guess she wanted to be some kinda actress. She was hot enough to be one, no doubt. She was probably a good actress, but I didn't think you really had to be good to get into movies. You just had to have a huge rack and a big shiny smile. C should be a fucking shoo in, in that case. But what the hell do I know? I just kill things. She'd been gone for about an hour, auditioning for some commercial as I wandered around the hotel. Think Angel was sleepin' or something, either that or spankin' himself for lettin' his friend get killed on his watch. Cordy said he always did this, I wondered if I'd eventually start doin' that too. Or if I'd been doin' it all along and just never noticed.
Humming to myself just under my breath I was alone in the kitchen, sloppin' together a sandwich comprised of mostly peanut butter and a little bit of jelly. Angel seriously needed to go shopping, or Cordelia did. Whoever it was that was in charge of keepin' us fed around here. Maybe I'd surprise 'em all and do it myself. Naw. That'd never happen. Movin' over to the fridge to put the jelly away, suddenly it was like a train just ran through my head. I staggered back, barely even hearing the sound of the glass shattering to pieces on the floor. Fallin' down on top of broken pieces of it, I cradled my head in my hands feelin' like my brain was about to explode.
It was the same as before, parts of it seen through his eyes and parts of it seen from the outside. One claw leaving a jagged raw open wound on his collarbone, and he was so scared. Fumbling with the crossbow and the weapon was faulty, not to mention I wasn't sure if he knew how to operate it or not. The roaring disgusting thing in front of him didn't seem to give a shit, it just grabbed his wrist and snapped it like a fucking twig as he screamed in pain. He screamed. Never supposed to scream, because I'd never made him scream. It was Wesley.
I was breathing hard and I could see my arms were all cut up from the broken jar, and sticky with jelly. Nasty. Not as nasty as the pounding sensation in my head and the realization that Wes was gonna die if I didn't do nothin' about it.
Getting up from the floor I was surprised Angel hadn't come runnin' with the noise, but he must be sleepin' pretty soundly. It was the middle of the afternoon, must be prime vampire sleepin' time. Walkin' to the bathroom slowly I grimaced when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Looked like hell and it was easy to see why. With a sigh I grabbed the tylenol off the medicine cabinet shelf and popped about four of 'em dry. Swallowing them down I finally ran the water in the tap before bendin' over the sink and splashing water over my face, cupping some in my hands as I washed clean the few small cuts I had from the jelly jar glass. Once I was all cleaned up, I had a decision to make and I really didn't wanna make it.
Walkin' out into the lobby I desperately wished Cordelia was here, because she'd know what I was supposed to do. Hell, I knew what I was supposed to do but not havin' her here kinda made it a little harder. Could still feel it though and idly I wondered how it worked. Would the vision haunt me forever if I didn't do nothin' about it? I wasn't exactly in a rush to go and rescue my fucked ex-watcher. He was just as bad as I was, even if he didn't wanna admit it and I....
I was runnin' out of excuses to hate him.
With a sigh I stood up and walked over to the weapons cabinet and began pawing through it's contents. If I showed up at Wesley's place with an axe he was liable to freak out. But the weapon wasn't for me, and I knew he'd freak out even if I showed up empty handed. Grabbin' a small hand held gun I flipped open the chamber to see if it was loaded, glad to see that it was. Hiding the gun in my jacket I thought about leaving Cordelia a note, but there really wasn't no time for that shit. I had no idea when that monster would try to attack Wes. All I knew was that it happened in a dark, kinda cold, concrete floor.....a warehouse? What the fuck was Wes doin' in a warehouse? Shit. How was I gonna find him? I hoped he was still at home.
Breaking out into a run, I was glad Cordelia's apartment wasn't far. But I pushed myself as fast as I could possibly go, racin' across the city til I was standin' at her front door. Takin' a deep breath, I swallowed hard. Now or never.
Raising my hand, I rapped my knuckles on the door.
Wesley hadn't bothered to show up for a couple of days and I knew that bugged the shit outta Queen C. She was real anxious to get him in here, workin' with us. As if there were an us, less one mood vampire, a (formerly) psychotic slayer and a tapped out ex prom queen. Still, what better place for a fired bumbling watcher than here with the rest of us misfits? I knew the reason he hadn't shown up was cause I was here. Really who could blame the guy when I'd tortured him nearly to death not all that long ago. What were we supposed to do anyway? Just let bygones be bygones? I'd offered to leave like a million times but Cordy kept insisting that the both of us needed to work our shit out and get used to workin' together. There was no good way to argue with Cordelia and I'd long gotten over the urge to wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze everytime she wouldn't shut up. Now it was different, now it was...almost like she'd made me believe in something again as corny and lame as that sounded. She made me believe that I didn't have to end up the way everyone else always said I would. I was pretty sure she could do that for Wes too, cause let's be honest. Gettin' fired from the council musta stung the little prissy boy something fierce. Kinda almost felt bad despite the fact that he was the worst watcher ever in the history of watchers. He wasn't no Giles and I wasn't no B. Guess that was just the way it worked. Plus, Cordelia really wanted her apartment back. Vaguelly I wondered what would happen to the two of us once she did have it back. Might be kinda weird to go back to sleepin' alone.
Things were actually pretty boring for a few days which was sayin' alot when you were us. Cordelia and Angel were both still kinda sad about their pal, but at least I'd never met him. He'd just left me with the visions. Whatever the fuck that was. I'd only had the one and that had been painful enough. Sometimse when I closed my eyes I could still see it on the inside of my eyelids, I could still feel it. The way it'd felt to be that chick all helpless and beat up. Damn. Havin' no superpowers had to suck really bad. And maybe I'd once thought that the strong survived I realized that the strong usually died young, and the weak died younger. It was the smart one's that really survived, they made it way past the rest of us. And I never been known for my brains. That was for damn sure.
Either way I was bored as hell just sittin' around the hotel with nothin' to do and the only thing worth fightin' was a punching bag in the basement. So one afternoon I managed to convince Cordy to go on one of those auditions she was always talkin' about. She hadn't been on one in awhile and I guess she wanted to be some kinda actress. She was hot enough to be one, no doubt. She was probably a good actress, but I didn't think you really had to be good to get into movies. You just had to have a huge rack and a big shiny smile. C should be a fucking shoo in, in that case. But what the hell do I know? I just kill things. She'd been gone for about an hour, auditioning for some commercial as I wandered around the hotel. Think Angel was sleepin' or something, either that or spankin' himself for lettin' his friend get killed on his watch. Cordy said he always did this, I wondered if I'd eventually start doin' that too. Or if I'd been doin' it all along and just never noticed.
Humming to myself just under my breath I was alone in the kitchen, sloppin' together a sandwich comprised of mostly peanut butter and a little bit of jelly. Angel seriously needed to go shopping, or Cordelia did. Whoever it was that was in charge of keepin' us fed around here. Maybe I'd surprise 'em all and do it myself. Naw. That'd never happen. Movin' over to the fridge to put the jelly away, suddenly it was like a train just ran through my head. I staggered back, barely even hearing the sound of the glass shattering to pieces on the floor. Fallin' down on top of broken pieces of it, I cradled my head in my hands feelin' like my brain was about to explode.
It was the same as before, parts of it seen through his eyes and parts of it seen from the outside. One claw leaving a jagged raw open wound on his collarbone, and he was so scared. Fumbling with the crossbow and the weapon was faulty, not to mention I wasn't sure if he knew how to operate it or not. The roaring disgusting thing in front of him didn't seem to give a shit, it just grabbed his wrist and snapped it like a fucking twig as he screamed in pain. He screamed. Never supposed to scream, because I'd never made him scream. It was Wesley.
I was breathing hard and I could see my arms were all cut up from the broken jar, and sticky with jelly. Nasty. Not as nasty as the pounding sensation in my head and the realization that Wes was gonna die if I didn't do nothin' about it.
Getting up from the floor I was surprised Angel hadn't come runnin' with the noise, but he must be sleepin' pretty soundly. It was the middle of the afternoon, must be prime vampire sleepin' time. Walkin' to the bathroom slowly I grimaced when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Looked like hell and it was easy to see why. With a sigh I grabbed the tylenol off the medicine cabinet shelf and popped about four of 'em dry. Swallowing them down I finally ran the water in the tap before bendin' over the sink and splashing water over my face, cupping some in my hands as I washed clean the few small cuts I had from the jelly jar glass. Once I was all cleaned up, I had a decision to make and I really didn't wanna make it.
Walkin' out into the lobby I desperately wished Cordelia was here, because she'd know what I was supposed to do. Hell, I knew what I was supposed to do but not havin' her here kinda made it a little harder. Could still feel it though and idly I wondered how it worked. Would the vision haunt me forever if I didn't do nothin' about it? I wasn't exactly in a rush to go and rescue my fucked ex-watcher. He was just as bad as I was, even if he didn't wanna admit it and I....
I was runnin' out of excuses to hate him.
With a sigh I stood up and walked over to the weapons cabinet and began pawing through it's contents. If I showed up at Wesley's place with an axe he was liable to freak out. But the weapon wasn't for me, and I knew he'd freak out even if I showed up empty handed. Grabbin' a small hand held gun I flipped open the chamber to see if it was loaded, glad to see that it was. Hiding the gun in my jacket I thought about leaving Cordelia a note, but there really wasn't no time for that shit. I had no idea when that monster would try to attack Wes. All I knew was that it happened in a dark, kinda cold, concrete floor.....a warehouse? What the fuck was Wes doin' in a warehouse? Shit. How was I gonna find him? I hoped he was still at home.
Breaking out into a run, I was glad Cordelia's apartment wasn't far. But I pushed myself as fast as I could possibly go, racin' across the city til I was standin' at her front door. Takin' a deep breath, I swallowed hard. Now or never.
Raising my hand, I rapped my knuckles on the door.