(Untitled)

[stoic_angel_]

((Continued from hereAfter we had gotten things sorted out with the girl, and taken her home, we were now on our way home. Her parents had been demanding to know what had happened, and luckily, we had managed to come up with a pathetic, yet somehow believable, story for her parents

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[wickedslayer]

My eyes widened and I quickly snapped my attention to Cordelia when she demanded that Wesley work here. Here as in the hotel. Not like I worked here or anything, thought I was just....what? Passin' through? Hangin' out here til I got my shit together? C seemed hell-bent on keepin' me here and hell, where else was I gonna go? Especially now that I had this vision gig, whatever that meant. So now I was stuck here, and Wes was gonna be stuck here too. All because no one could deny the force of nature that was Cordelia Chase.

Sooner or later I was gonna have to face up to what I'd done to Wes, especially since apparently he was stickin' around. Preferably later, but I knew C would only get her panties all in a bunch if I waited too long.

Looking up I realized that Cordelia was staring straight at me. What was her problem?

"What?" I asked defensively, setting my fork down on my plate. "You're not gettin' any arguments from me. I don't care what you guys wanna do." With that I stood up and walked straight out of the kitchen. Didn't turn around, just headed straight upstairs and disappeared behind the closed door of my room.

Couldnt' deal with all that right now. I was way too exhausted. Cordy could bitch at me later about it. For now? It was long past time for bed.

[_wes_pryce_]

I just stared at Angel for quite some time. Could the man...pire, be anymore condescending? 'You can stay'? What? I needed *his* permission now to stay? I don't bloody well think so. I don't need his damn permission to do anything. Annoyed, I narrowed my eyes at him and was about to give back a snide remark and then leave when Cordelia spoke up.

Or rather, she laid down the law.

Good grief, she certainly knows how to put things in perspective doesn't she? I must say that I felt quite relieve to hear she really didn't want me to leave. It's not as though I'd have left her here without worrying. But she seemed to have bounced back quite gracefully. Not to mention this... Whatever is going on between Faith and Cordelia. Beginning friendship?

Strange.

Just as I was about to mention that the rest, meaning those two who were doing their damnedest to make me as uncomfortable as possible, would have to agree to that as well. Not, mind you, that they had much choice. I mean, Cordelia made herself quite clear. Which Faith apparently understood, I thought as I watched her stride out of the kitchen. "Doesn't Angel have to agree to that?" I asked Cordelia, deliberately ignoring him. It's not as though he actually has anything to say around here.

It was a rhetorical question, I guess.

[stoic_angel_]

I blinked, and looked between Faith, Cordelia, and Wesley. I knew Cordy already wanted to stay here, and Faith didn't have much of a choice anymore... and Wesley looked like he wanted to. What was still between Faith and Wesley, though... I didn't know anymore.

I glanced at Wesley, and stage-whispered to him, "I'm supposed to, but with Cordy, it's safer to just go with what she says sometimes. Even though she sometimes forgets who the boss is..." I gave Cordy a mock-glare, before a small smile found its way onto my face. She wouldn't be Cordelia any other way... and oddly enough, it was reassuring. Whenever I didn't know what to say, or whenever I didn't know how to say something... Cordelia was there.

At Cordelia's next glare, though, I added hurriedly, "You're more than welcome to stay, though... I mean, we could always use a researcher." I shrugged, glancing at Wesley again, then over at Faith. I was hoping that it went without saying that she was going to stay... after all, she did have the visions now. She probably could handle them on her own, but... they were originally given to Doyle to help both him and I- him with his own repentance, and me with my redemption. I hoped it was the same way with Faith's visions- Cordelia needed a friend, too.

[visiongirl]

I frowned as Faith suddenly got up after declaring that she wasn't going to argue and then heading off into the next room. Way to not argue and just leave! That was just as bad! What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just...I don't know, get over it? I guess killing a ton of people is hard to get over or whatever. I'd have to talk to her later. I hoped she knew that I'd help her, I'd helped her from the minute that she stopped...torturing me and Wesley. Then there was that whole shower incident which so did NOT happen even though I liked it and I liked her but I'm not gay!.

"Hey, I never forget who the boss is." I smiled widely at Wesley and Angel, turning my attention back to them. "I just know that sometimes you need my help." I beamed at Angel and I knew he knew exactly what I was talking about. "Oh come on. You can save the damsels and beat up the monsters, but your people skills? Leave something to be desired." Angel looked horrified for a minute (as if he didn't know it was true pffft!). "You need help sometimes and that's what you have us for. We're here to help you help the hopeless."

I turned towards Wesley and noticed how terrified and unsure he looked. Why was he so scared? Faith was upstairs in her room and I was sure that Angel wouldn't let her hurt him even if she wanted to.

"So, you'll stay right?" I asked Wesley hopefully, shining that smile that he just couldn't say no to. We were friends now, and I knew that neither of us had alot of friends. We needed eachother. That was my point. God, why coudln't they catch on?! And now I had a stubborn vampire slayer to get through to upstairs. And not in the shower! Well...probably not.

[_wes_pryce_]

Agreeing with Cordelia on Angel's people's skills was hardly difficult. I mean the git was even worse then I am. And that was saying something. I raised my eyebrow, glancing back and forth between the two of them. Cordelia had a very nice way of keeping up the appearance that Angel was indeed the boss. But I think we both know differently, though, I'm not entirely certain if Angel knows.

Nor do I really care. Then again, I suppose I should, since he'll be signing my paycheck.

Getting up from the table, I smiled over at Cordelia. It was almost an automatism when she smiled at me that way. I wanted to stay, I wanted to help out. Find a place where I could feel as though I belonged there. But I wasn't sure if *this* was the place. First of all there was Faith... And really, I don't need to explain anything there. Then there was Angel. A vampire. It went against everything I was brought up with, everything I'd been taught and had drilled into me to even consider working for him.

I needed to think this over. It wasn't as though I really had anywhere to go. But I couldn't very well make a living from doing the odd translation job for the museum. Though, something tells me I shouldn't yet give up that job.

"I...I need to think about it," I said softly toward Cordelia. She'd be the only reason for me to stay here. After everything we went through together, I couldn't just leave her alone. I had this urge all the time to make certain she was alright. Even though that wasn't possible. "I'll just go ho-...uh, to your place now and think about it." Clearing my throat, I got up and nodded at Angel. "I'll talk to you later," I smiled at Cordelia, squeezing her shoulder.

Then I walked out of the kitchen, keeping my eye open for Faith, just in case. I grabbed the keys of my bike out of my pocket, picked up my weapon and walked out the door. Right, I should make it home in one piece. I have a lot to talk about with Dennis. I'm sure he'll be happy to have Cordelia back though.

[stoic_angel_]

I watched as Faith, then Wesley left, and I glanced over at Cordelia. She had a way of persuading people, didn't she? Wesley was now considering working with us, and if Cordelia had any say (which she more than likely would) in the matter, he'd end up taking the job. And from what I had gathered from his hospital bill and reluctance to take any new medicine, he needed the money, too. I just wasn't sure how he would feel about the job, working with the woman who had tried to kill him and someone who he had been trained to hate and dust all his life. It would be interesting...

I glanced back up at Cordelia, and raised an eyebrow. "They sure left pretty quickly," I commented, getting up and going over to the coffee maker. I squinted at it for a moment; I couldn't remember who had made the coffee that morning... or who had last made the coffee. With that thought, I took the pot off and began cleaning it to make new coffee.

I looked back over at Cordy, and silently offered her some coffee as it brewed, then moved back over and sat down at the table. Things were happening awfully quickly... Doyle was gone, Faith had come to town, Wesley and Cordy had been in the hospital, Faith had gotten the visions, we had exorcised the hotel... almost enough to make your head spin, especially since Cordelia and I apparently had two new teammates... and I was waiting to see how well this worked out. The human, the vampire with a soul, the ex-Watcher-turned-demon-hunter, and the Slayer...

I sat in silence for a few minutes, deep in thought, before i was startled to look up and see Cordelia waiting for me to say something. I blinked, then asked dryly, "Something you want, Cordy?"

[visiongirl]

He had to think about it? Pffft. As if. I already knew what his answer was going to be, which was mostly why I didn't protest when he quickly exited the hotel as fast as his legs would carry him. He was still nervous about Faith, which was understandable but didn't he know that Angel wouldn't let Faith hurt him again even if she wanted to? I was going to have to have a serious talk with the stubborn slayer upstairs. See if I couldn't get her to I dunno...apologize to Wesley? That might be pushing it with her. I wasn't sure what I was going to tell her, but it would be something. Because she needed this, she needed me, she needed us. And so did Wesley and I'd be damned if I watched the two of them slowly destroy themselves because they're too damn stubborn to listen to me. That was just gonna have to be the way it was gonna be. I didn't care if they liked it or not.

I matched Angel's raised eyebrow as he started making the coffee and offered me some. Shaking my head no, I wondered why he even bothered. I mean, vampires don't drink coffee. At least not regularly. Why was he acting so strangely? Well, Doyle was dead, that was why. Doyle was gone and had somehow managed to pass those vision thingies to Faith.

Angel sat in silence and I did too, the two of us sitting across from eachother as the seconds ticked by. Why wasn't he saying anything? Was it because I told him he needed some help around here? Well, duh. If he wanted to run this business of helping the hopeless he was going to need someone with a few people skills. Wes and Faith? Not so much and Angel was even worse.

"Yes." I said in my usual no-nonsense tone that Angel had come to expect from me. "I want Doyle to come back, but since that's not happening anytime ever, I'll have to settle on making sure that you don't slip into perma-brood mode thinking that this is all your fault and you should push away all the people that love you in case they get hurt." I arched one perfectly tweezed eyebrow at him. Oh yeah, I got your number, Mister. I know exactly what's going on in that overly gelled head of yours!

[stoic_angel_]

I watched as Cordelia raised an eyebrow at me, and I sighed. She really was too good for... well, for her own good, sometimes, at reading people. Unfortunately, I still wasn't too sure on that fact myself; after all, I had been the reason that Doyle had died. No one else, me. Doyle had been my friend, had trusted me, and then... then I hadn't even checked in on him, while I had wondered where he was. I hadn't checked to make sure everything was okay, even though I knew damn well that he never went more than a day without at least calling or stopping in.

"Cordelia," I said quietly, "Somehow I doubt that Faith or Wesley loves me. And no, Doyle's not coming back." I winced slightly, then glanced up to meet Cordelia's eyes, to make sure that she understood. I couldn't lose anyone else... but they weren't going to leave. That frustrated me, because... how on earth could anyone want to be around me when all I brought them was pain or death? I didn't understand... normally, the human instinct was for life, not certain death.

"And it was my fault," I said after a moment. "I mean... Spike would never have come to LA if he didn't know I was here. He never would have taken Doyle, or killed Doyle, if he didn't know that Doyle was working with me, that Doyle meant something to me. Do you see the pattern there?" I asked. I pointed to myself, then glanced away. I didn't understand why she wouldn't hate me...

I had been the reason that Doyle had died, and by not even calling to check on him, I had almost signed the death certificate myself. Why hadn't I thought to check on him? Some great friend I was... I was worth everyone helping me out, wasn't I? They could all help me out, then get hurt and eventually die for the cause, for some faint sense of redemption that I was willing to bet that I would never even feel.

[visiongirl]

"I wasn't talking about Wes and Faith, dumbass." I said quickly, giving him a pointed look so that he very much understood that I was talking about me. Hey, I was still allowed to be selfish sometimes. It used to be one of my many talents before Daddy lost everything to the IRS. He wasn't allowed to shut me out, not after everything I'd seen since coming to work with him, for him. Whatever. I loved him, you know in that friendly way. And I knew exactly what he was and what he was capable of. I knew that one day he was going to find redemption and I was going to be here with him until he did. End of story. No shutting me out. No sir.

"You can't blame yourself for Doyle. The only one who gets the blame on that one is Spike, who was idiotic enough to mess with you in the first place." I couldn't wait until Angel staked him dead. Or deader. I hoped that I'd get a front row seat for it, or not...you know, since Spike is pretty scary. But it took a lot more to scare me these days. My cheerleading days? Pffft. Long over. I wasn't even doing auditions anymore because I knew.

I knew this was the work that I was meant to do. Helping the hopeless, helping Angel and maybe even Faith and Wesley find redemption.

"For as long as you're the champion you're going to have enemies, and sometimes those enemies are going to go after the people you love. Not your fault. Doyle knew what he was getting into when he signed up for this gig. Just like I knew what I was getting myself into." I winced a little bit thinking about what that had cost me. Chained to a pipe for days care of one psycho slayer.

"By being here we know the risks and accept them. Just like you have to do. You're not going to do anyone any good if all you do is beat yourself up about them all. Even though you will anyway because your Angel and it's your job."

I missed Doyle too, so I understood. I missed him so much it made my heart hurt.

[stoic_angel_]

"Cordelia," I said slowly, then stopped. I wasn't sure what was going on here; Cordelia loved me? I knew it wasn't in the romantic sense- we had progressed past that. I remembered when Cordelia had that crush on me... this wasn't it. On the other hand, though, had I ever really given anyone a reason to care about me? It only got them hurt.

"Look, it's my job to be here. Not anyone else's. Mine. I don't know why..." I stopped. I did know why they stayed by me- because they knew what was out there, they cared about me, and they couldn't just sit by and watch the fight go by without them... I sighed. I just couldn't help but feel responsible. They could all be somewhere else, enjoying normal lives, if they hadn't run into me. After all, Cordy had been doing... she had been getting by without me in the picture, and Doyle... well, I didn't know about Doyle, but without the visions, he probably would have been getting by as well. Then they had run into me, and gotten into the 'good fight'...

"I should have checked in with him, Cordy," I said quietly. "I should have made sure Doyle was okay, because we hadn't heard from him for days. Days... and you know he never goes more than a day without checking in. Why didn't I call him?" I asked, looking at her. I knew she wouldn't have any answers, but it was still my fault... I should have checked.

I avoided Cordelia's gaze, and said quietly, "I just don't want anyone else to... get hurt because of me." I wasn't much with words or emotions... that was as much as she was going to get from me about me caring about her. I did, because she was Cordelia, and without her... without her, we wouldn't have gotten the business off its feet, and without her now... I wasn't sure what I would have left if I lost her now.

[visiongirl]

I forced myself to keep my gaze steady as he talked about Doyle. About how it wasn't like Doyle to just not check in for days at a time. If that was the game he wanted to play then there was plenty of guilt to go around. He wasn't the only one who hadn't bothered to call Doyle. Of course, I had the conveniant excuse of being kidnapped by a slayer for a few days. When things like that happen? I guess you just kind of forget to check in with your friends. And hey! He was busy trying to save me, which personally I thought was a good plan.

"You're absolutely right." I said suddenly and under different circumstances I would have been amused by the total look of shock that went over the broody manpire's face. "You should have figured out where Doyle was at. You should have checked up on him instead of coming to save me and Wesley. Then the two of you could be sitting here blaming yourselves for my inevitable death instead." I didn't let my expression waiver, instead I just gave him my infamous no nonsense face.

Not only me, there were Wes and Faith to think about too. She would have killed him before me, for sure. Then it was a one way ticket to dying a horrible violent death for our quasi-redemptive slayer probably snoozing away upstairs.

"It's horrible, Angel, but people die all the time. You can't be everywhere at once, you can't save everyone. You just can't and you're going to have to accept it, or else it's going to be a long road ahead, Bub." I smiled at him warmly wanting him to know that I was actually on his side.

Someone had to be.

[stoic_angel_]

I looked away, thinking for a minute. If I had just checked in with Doyle, even after I had helped Cordy, Wesley, and Faith, maybe I could have... I shook my head, instead refocusing on Cordelia.

"No one should have to die," I said lowly. It was my fault, even though I knew that somewhere, Cordelia's workd had a point. Somewhere, but right now, I didn't want to focus on the excuse that got me off the hook. I wanted her to blame me, to realize that I could have prevented Doyle's death. That way, Faith wouldn't have to deal with the visions, even though I could see that... Cordelia really didn't want Faith to leave. Who would have thought, especially after Faith had tortured Cordy?

"I thought that maybe I was supposed to save everyone," I told Cordelia after a minute. "If I can't even keep my own family safe, how can I help people? How can I protect people if I can't even keep my own friends safe?" I frowned, absently stirring my coffee cup, then pushing it away. I didn't feel like drinking coffee right now.

I knew everything wasn't my responsibility, but wasn't I supposed to keep my friends safe? Wasn't I supposed to protect people? That's what Doyle had the visions for, then he had died, and I hadn't even known about that... some use I was. There should have been something, some way I cuold have known that he was in trouble, for all the times he had helped me out. I had saved his ass several times, but... why couldn't I have done it this time?

And why the hell couldn't Cordelia understand that it was my fault? Spike would never have touched Doyle, if Doyle hadn't been my friend. Spike wouldn't have even been in town, looking for a way to hurt anyone, if it wasn't me. I was the reason Doyle had died; Spike was just the cause. And because of this, Spike would pay.

I was tired of losing friends.

[visiongirl]

Damn stubborn broody vampire. He wasn't even listening to a word I said, too busy blaming himself for everything to even hear me when I said it wasn't his fault. It wasn't! It wasn't his fault anymore then it was mine, and I was refusing to play the blame myself game. There was too much in the world to try and hide away and feel guilty all the time. If there was one thing I learned working for Angel? It was life is short, you had to make the most of every single second because who knew when it would all get ripped away from you.

"I wish I had all the answers for you." I said, my expression turning more sour by the moment. I was sad because of Doyle too, and it was hard trying to keep up the brave face for Angel because let's face it? He was like the king of depresso-ville. "Bad things happen all the time, you of all people should know that better then anyone. Sometimes they happen to the people we love. But I do know one thing," I raised a serious eyebrow at him as he continued to plaster on his brood face.

"I know what Doyle would have wanted us to do, he would have wanted us to keep fighting. Doyle risked a lot to come to you, Angel. To tell you about the visions and what they meant for him and what they mean for you. Doyle's dead, but his mission is still very much alive." I Angel a soft smile before patting his hand reassuringly and standing up.

"And on that note? I'm beat, I think I'm going to join the rest of the 'sleep during the day' ranks."

[stoic_angel_]

I paused, looking up at Cordelia. I... hadn't really thought about that. I knew that I would have to go on with the fight and all, but I didn't stop to think what Doyle would have wanted. I mean, I knew what he would want, but... I just hadn't really given that much thought.

Of course, I would know what Doyle would still want if I hadn't let him be killed.

"I know," I said quietly. "It just... hurts, Cordelia. He was my friend, and... I think I should have been able to prevent this." I stood up, echoing Cordelia, after her hand retreated from mine. Simple human contact... another thing Doyle had helped me with. If he hadn't shown up, I would have just shut myself away from the world, instead of helping all the people that I had... that we had.

But then again, in this circle, if I shut myself away from the world, no one else would get hurt because of me. It was too late to do that, though, because the visions had been passed on, and I couldn't just leave Faith with the responsibility for those...

"Go get some sleep," I told Cordelia gently. "You need it... I'll see you later." I followed her from the kitchen to the lobby, watching her start up the stairs to go to the room she had been using lately. It was good that she was here... at least I knew that she and Faith were okay here in the hotel. No one could attack them in here without my knowing it, and Wesley... well, he was fine with Dennis. Besides, I doubted that he even wanted my protection or anything; after all, he had been raised to hate me...