(Untitled)

[stoic_angel_]

I jolted awake, realizing I had fallen asleep, despite my promises I'd stay awake... damnI sat up, and listened to the hotel around me; silent. I couldn't hear anyone talking, even though last I remembered, I could hear Cordelia and Faith talking... I didn't think Faith would have run; not the way she had been the night before. Not to mention, I

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[wickedslayer]

Could the hairgel king get any more cryptic? He wasn't makin' a ton of sense, or maybe that was because I didn't want him to. I wanted to push him out of my mind so that there was only one option, and I really couldn't be blamed if there was only one option right? He just made it seem so easy. Make the choice, and once you make the choice you just stick to it and that's it. But there was so much more than that. How the hell was I supposed to make a choice to change, and go with it. Knowing that they all knew I was a killer deep down inside. The darkness ate at me and it felt so raw inside, I wasn't sure I could scratch my way back up to the surface again.

"Are you talkin' about that redemption stuff?" I asked, not moving an inch from where I stood near the wall. My eyes finally locked on Angel's and I bit my lip as he stared at me through calm dark orbs. Why was he so damn calm? I was about ready to rip this entire building apart just to get this feeling to go away. And here he was...just watching.

And redemption? What the hell did that mean anyway? Sounded like a bunch of crap that Dr. Phil might start yackin' about on Oprah or something. Not that I would watch Oprah ever....Whatever it was, I was sure I wouldn't cut it. After all, I never did.

[stoic_angel_]

"If that's what you want to call it," I shrugged. I didn't think it was redemption... it was a way for me to keep from going insane, a way to prove that... I was different.

I was trying to make it up to the people I had killed and hurt, but I knew I never really could. There was no reward in this for me; I would never make it up, taking all those lives... but I could help others. I could save others from suddering the same things that my victims all had.

"You have a choice, Faith. You ca never make things right... and neither can I." I glanced away, instead rising from my chair. "But you can start trying to do the right thing."

I glanced at Faith, who looked confused. "You understand what I'm trying to tell you?" I asked. Damn... I had thought I was making sense, but... maybe I had been wrong. Maybe I had just thrown her even deeper into confusion... wouldn't be surprised.

[wickedslayer]

"You're trying to tell me I can be like you." I shot back at him, and yeah yeah I got it I did. Try and do the right thing, sure. It's not like that was easy. Fuck, I didn't even know what the right thing to do was most of the time. I didn't think I could be like Angel, it was too hard. It would be so much easier to just curl up and die on that bed and just be done with it. Then they wouldn't have to worry about the insane slayer anymore.

"You saw what I did to Wes, Cordy...." What I would have done to him and B too if given half the chance. There was no one I liked to watch bleed more than Buffy. It gave me a tingly warm fuzzy feeling all over, right down to my toes. Seemed like she had the permanant upper hand though, I had a scar on my abdomen to remind me of that every fucking day.

"I can't do it, Angel. I don't think I can." I moved my eyes back up to his and for a second I thought I saw that look there again. What did that look mean? It was sorta menacing. Was this all just an act? Fool the stupid slayer with the badass vampire gone soft routine? I wasn't Buffy, i didn't fall for that shit.

[stoic_angel_]

"You can." I said. I whirled around to look at her, eyes flashing. "You know you can; you just don't want to face up to what you've done yet. You don't want to admit you were wrong, and that this is never going away."

I began to pace, avoiding looking at her, as I continued, "It's not going to go away. You can't hide from this anymore... what you did, was wrong. Now be responsible, and handle it."

Softly, I said, "I know you can do it, Faith. And I know you want to, deep down. Question is, are you willing to? Are you willing to admit you're sorry to Wesley and Cordy? Are you willing to own up to what you did, to try and make sure you don't do it again?"

I pointed to my arms, and said, "You're strong enough here... but are you strong enough here to do this?" I pointed to my heart. Then, I tilted my head, and added, "Well, considering I was, and my heart doesn't beat... I'd hope you're strong enough there." I was joking, hoping to lighten the mood.

For some reason, I felt like I had gone too far... why wasn't she gonig to help herself? She had a chance, and she was damn well strong enough to take it... why was she being this way? She was acting like she was... being told she couldn't...

No... it couldn't be. It had to be that she was sinking into the darkness, and quickly. Faith was stronger than this...

[wickedslayer]

"I-I don't think I can, Angel." I said quietly, looking down at the floor with a pained expression as he started pacing. I could just see the look on Wesley's face if I ever tried to apologize to him. He'd probably sooner spit at me than hear what I had to say, he was sorta like that back when we were playin' nice too. No way, I couldn't apologize to him.

Cor, on the other hand. I mean, apologizing to her would suck for real. But she had apologized to me, which totally blew me away. Never thought the stuck up prom queen would be the one to do what I'd been waitin' on from B for like ever.

I frowned and looked up at him quickly as he started talkin' about his cold dead heart. What was he sayin? I wasn't a fucking vampire. My heart wasn't dead.

You can't love anything. You're dead and cold inside, Faith.

No, I wasn't. Fuck him, and fuck anyone whose ever thought that about me.

"Yeah, okay." I said quietly. "I think I just need to be alone." He was freakin' me out. Something about the way he was looking at me.

[stoic_angel_]

"You can," I said firmly, looking at her. "I know you can."

I watched as she suddenly went silent (not that she had been too talkative to begin with), and look at the ground.

"Are you going to run?" I asked bluntly. I shrugged. "Not that I can stop you, but... I can help you, Faith. If you'll let me." I moved past her to the door, and held it open for her. I stood back out of the way, so she had the freedom to leave if she wanted it.

"Not going to stop you. You can leave if you want, Faith." I left it at that; this was her choice, and no matter what I said, I owuldn't be able to change her mind.

[wickedslayer]

I looked at his face and to the door, silently for a minute. Was this some kinda test? I didn't get it. Never was good at passin' these things anyways. He really was just makin' me more confused, and in those brief moments when I felt sorta better, you know cause it was like someone else understood me....I was still confused.

The wildest part about the whole thing? This was Angel. Buffy's boff buddy. Former boff buddy. And here he was standin' in the doorway tellin' me that he believed in me. That he knew I could do it. He coulda killed me, he had plenty of chances but he didn't. No one's ever believed in me before, at least not since my first watcher. The one I let die.

Unless this was part of the test. Maybe he was just sayin' that he believed in me so that I'd stay and he could kill me later...or something. I couldn't shake the thought and it stuck in the back of my mind. Right in front of all those bad memories that I just wanted to block out.

Without saying anything I backed up from Angel and sat down on the bed just giving him a look. I wasn't running. I had no where left to go. This was supposed to be the last stop.

[stoic_angel_]

I watched as Faith sat down silently. I nodded shortly to her; this must have been hard for her to admit, that she wanted... needed help. She was strong, but... this took strength of a different kind.

"Faith?" I asked quietly. "Are you going to be okay?" I was worried; she was silent and withdrawn, staring at the floor. I sat down in the chair again, studying my hands in my lap.

After a few more moments of silence, I tensed slightly, feeling that odd sensation again, like we were being watched or something... I couldn't hear anyone else in the hotel, and I frowned. What was going on here? Cordelia had left some time ago, and Doyle had never quite checked in... who else would be here? Unless a demon had decided to come in or something...

Demon... that thought snagged on something in my mind, a fleeting memory, but it was gone before I could call it to the surface. I glanced at the ceiling, looking around. I still couldn't hear anything, but I could still feel it. Like something was watching, waiting...

[wickedslayer]

"I dunno." I said with a sullen shrug, surprised that he'd asked at all. Was I gonna be okay? I had no idea. All I knew was that I definitely wasn't okay right now. I wasn't sure if I ever was okay, or if I ever would be okay. Suddenly I felt like I jumped out of a twentieth story window and hadn't even realized I'd done it until I was only about a foot away the ground below.

I lifted my eyes up from the ground only to see Angel makin' a weird ass expression. First he looked at the door and then looked back at the floor and frowned like he expected someone to come through it. Then he looked at the ceiling and then down again. Narrowing my eyes I studied him quietly for a minute.

What the hell was he doin'? Something mad shady was goin' on and that was comin' from me. Everything seemed shady, dim, dark. Something was up for real though, and I could feel every muscle in my body involuntarily tense up. What was the game? Was this something B put him up to? Maybe the watcher's council was on their way here right now to try and take my ass back to England. Maybe Angel was supposed to just keep me here til they showed.

"Why do you keep lookin' at the door?" I demanded, standing up suddenly and defensively.

[stoic_angel_]

Faith suddenly stood up, looking indignant, and I was confused. What?

"Shh... I thought... something was watching us," I explained quietly to Faith, moving closer to the door, silently. When I reached it, I eased the door open, and leaned out into the hall, looking up and down.

There was nothing out there, save an empty hallyway. I leaned back in, and shrugged to Faith.

"There's nothing there, but..." I trailed off, focusing again. Then, I looked at Faith, who had her hands on her hips. "What is it Faith?"

She was acting like I had insulted her or something... had I? Maybe she had said something, and I hadn't paid attention. I had been so focused on the sensation that someone was watching us, amybe I had missed something she had said.

Or I could have just been creeping her out. Silence and brooding tended to do that to some people...

[wickedslayer]

I backed further into the room while Soul Boy poked his head out of the door, and looked down the hallway. He thought someone was watchin' us? Wasn't that wicked conveniant....Maybe it was those watcher fucks he was expectin'. What? Were they punkin' out on him? Is that why he had his panties all in a twist? Cause they weren't showin' up to haul the bad slayer back to England?

"Waitin' for someone?" I demanded angrily, backing up even further into the room. "Weird for a vampire to be all buddy buddy with a bunch of watchers. I'm not goin' to England!" I knew what those Watcher assholes would do to me if they got half the chance. If Soul BOy wanted me dead he should just up and do it.

No. I was bein' dumb. I was dumb and let Angel and Cor talk me into stayin' here and it was all just one big joke on Faith. Let's all pretend to give a fuck about Faith so she won't run off and the watcher's can come and collect her like the bad little girl she is.