I know it
Well, things were weird Monday. We went to the funeral home in Trussville, and then, had to drive all the way up to Boaz, where she was buried. It was the worse funeral Ive ever been to and one of the worst that anyone could ever have. As for visitation, there were only family members there except for 3 friends of one of the children and a brother-in-law to another one of her children. Then, for the funeral, only 3 people cried, one of which was obviously a put on. The preacher talked for 5 minutes, which included the reading of her obituary and the Lords prayer. I would hate to know that I had a legacy like that. Now, I dont think that one should mourn the lose of one that they know is in the better place of Heaven; however, I know that it is only natural that one responds to a passing of a loved one in such a way. Thus, I was so depressed when I realized not only did the woman have no friends, but she didnt leave a good legacy behind her. I pray that Im not like that any time that I’m alive. I want to always live like the day may be the last. I dont want to leave with the wrong last words. I want to leave behind a legacy that puts a smile on someone’s face. I just hope that I live my life in such a way that that can be true.
I went to the doctor on Tuesday. I have an ear infection. It hurts really bad. I think that I have a bug, too. My mouth still hurts from the oral surgery. Plus, my parents are still getting on my nerves, resulting in me breaking out. My grandmother convinced me to ask him about taking Paxil to calm my nerves. Well, she went ahead and gave me one, since she takes it. It really messed me up. I was way out there. I even kinda flirted with my doctor in front of my mom. She was so embarrassed. To add to it, I asked him to recommend me to a plastic surgeon to have a consultation about a breast reduction since I have such bad back problems. He recommended me to Dr. Rumply, who had an affair with his secretary that he divorced his wife for only to cheat with his new secretary that his new wife hired who happened to be 1/3 his age. I walk out telling her, “He set me up with Dr. Rumply.” She said, “So, your not going to him?” I replied, “No! Im not going to let a guy who cheats with his secretary look at me!” LOL…..yeah, I know. What a drama queen!
I dont like the idea about taking Paxil. It did, however, clear most of my breakout up in one day. Nothing bothered me. My mom and I got into it, and I was over it in like 3 minutes. My doctor told me that he thinks I need to go see a shrink. That he thinks I shouldnt take the medicine without going to one. Yet, he wouldnt even prescribe it to me. I think he was just trying to help out a colleague. I don’t think I need a shrink. I just need to open up more. I need to express myself instead of trying to be the person everyone thinks I am or should be. I should be opinionated and not silenced.
With that said…..In a recent entry I said that I would explain how Im more single than ever. I wasnt going to get all into it. However, its really bothering me, and I haven’t told anyone. So, you all know that I ….well. Lets just say head over heels for Kourtney, but we will decide if that’s true later. After JLaws wedding, he told me that he wanted me to call him when I got home. Well, I was falling asleep on the road and called him.
Apparently, Julie Welsh and he talked about me, during which she told him that I really liked him. So, he told me, “I talked to Julie tonight. Apparently, Ive hurt you more than I knew.(I agreed.) Apparently, I made you mad more than I knew.” (I agreed.) He almost immediately had to go, but told me to call back when I got home. Then, he said it, “I love you.” No, its not the first time. Yet, I was shocked. We hadnt told each other that in….gosh, like 4 or 5 months. When I called him back, he acted like nothing had been said, as if he knew nothing new than the day before. Yes, he was beyond drunk…….Anyway, I called him a week later when I got back. Actually, I texted him, and after I didnt get a response, I called. He was in class, and was suppose to call me back. I texted him a day later to ask if he wanted to have lunch, that I was going through Bham….no response. I texted him the next week to tell him I was gonna be in town for Orientation. I informed him on like Tuesday. That Thursday, he called, a week later. Yes, he came to see me, but….I told him that I wanted to go clubbing when I was in town the next week for the John Legend concert. He wanted to go to the after party; so, he was put in charge of finding its location. A week later, after not hearing from him, I texted him and asked if he had found out. He had forgot all about it and couldnt talk bc he had to get ready for work. I texted him the next day, the day that we were to go out, with the location of the party. Marcie, Tiff, and I went to Ruby Tuesday to eat. He was suppose to be working, but wasnt there. He never called me. 3 weeks later, I still havent heard from him. You would think that after this added to the past year, I would be okay. Yet, two nights ago when I went to be “If I Aint Got You” came on…I stopped. Its our song. I could hear him singing it to me. I could hear “baby” being replaced by “B.C.” I was up for an hour thinking about him. I finally went to sleep only to awaken to “We Belong Together” on the radio. Its the song he sung to me last time we saw each other. Last night, when I went to bed, “True” came on, which is what he sung to me last time we went out together in Birmingham. All of this thinking has brought me to one conclusion…..
I do love Kourtney. The problem is that the Kourtney that Im in love with doesnt exist anymore. I love my Quack- the guy who couldnt leave the guys dorm without calling me, the guy who couldnt sleep unless he walked me to the door and gave me a hug, the guy who would call me just to talk after we spent all day together, the guy who couldnt stand for me to be mad at him, the guy who would call me with nothing to say and just sing to me for hours without one conversation, the guy who treated me like I was his world. Thats who Im in love with.
So, I have tried to get over him, seeing as how theres no possibility of anything. Teyei and I havent talked in a month, I guess. Last time we talked, we got talking about Lyfes song “Hypothetically,” which is about cheating. I think it clicked with him. Although we’re just friends that are attracted to each other, we both know that its more than a friendship and that I’m not the one he should be calling…it needs to be his girlfriend. So, I guess that’\s over with. The other guy, some of you dont know about, Tiff and Matt you know J, and I havent talked in over a month. The fact that he knew my mom was sitting beside me towards the end of our last conversation seemed to bother him. Given the situation, I can see why. I miss talking to him. I really do.
I havent emailed Clee, yet. I think I definitely am, though. Im so desperate. I cant remember the last time that I went so long without talking to a guy. Its driving me crazy. I need the attention. I know, its pathetic. Im just use to it. This is EXTREMELY long. Im working on those phone calls, btw. Tiff, I really want you to come this w/e. If anyone made it through all this…sorry….give me an opinion. I dont really know why. Just humor me,lol. The drama queen needs to know she got a little attention. You know I love you.
I went to the doctor on Tuesday. I have an ear infection. It hurts really bad. I think that I have a bug, too. My mouth still hurts from the oral surgery. Plus, my parents are still getting on my nerves, resulting in me breaking out. My grandmother convinced me to ask him about taking Paxil to calm my nerves. Well, she went ahead and gave me one, since she takes it. It really messed me up. I was way out there. I even kinda flirted with my doctor in front of my mom. She was so embarrassed. To add to it, I asked him to recommend me to a plastic surgeon to have a consultation about a breast reduction since I have such bad back problems. He recommended me to Dr. Rumply, who had an affair with his secretary that he divorced his wife for only to cheat with his new secretary that his new wife hired who happened to be 1/3 his age. I walk out telling her, “He set me up with Dr. Rumply.” She said, “So, your not going to him?” I replied, “No! Im not going to let a guy who cheats with his secretary look at me!” LOL…..yeah, I know. What a drama queen!
I dont like the idea about taking Paxil. It did, however, clear most of my breakout up in one day. Nothing bothered me. My mom and I got into it, and I was over it in like 3 minutes. My doctor told me that he thinks I need to go see a shrink. That he thinks I shouldnt take the medicine without going to one. Yet, he wouldnt even prescribe it to me. I think he was just trying to help out a colleague. I don’t think I need a shrink. I just need to open up more. I need to express myself instead of trying to be the person everyone thinks I am or should be. I should be opinionated and not silenced.
With that said…..In a recent entry I said that I would explain how Im more single than ever. I wasnt going to get all into it. However, its really bothering me, and I haven’t told anyone. So, you all know that I ….well. Lets just say head over heels for Kourtney, but we will decide if that’s true later. After JLaws wedding, he told me that he wanted me to call him when I got home. Well, I was falling asleep on the road and called him.
Apparently, Julie Welsh and he talked about me, during which she told him that I really liked him. So, he told me, “I talked to Julie tonight. Apparently, Ive hurt you more than I knew.(I agreed.) Apparently, I made you mad more than I knew.” (I agreed.) He almost immediately had to go, but told me to call back when I got home. Then, he said it, “I love you.” No, its not the first time. Yet, I was shocked. We hadnt told each other that in….gosh, like 4 or 5 months. When I called him back, he acted like nothing had been said, as if he knew nothing new than the day before. Yes, he was beyond drunk…….Anyway, I called him a week later when I got back. Actually, I texted him, and after I didnt get a response, I called. He was in class, and was suppose to call me back. I texted him a day later to ask if he wanted to have lunch, that I was going through Bham….no response. I texted him the next week to tell him I was gonna be in town for Orientation. I informed him on like Tuesday. That Thursday, he called, a week later. Yes, he came to see me, but….I told him that I wanted to go clubbing when I was in town the next week for the John Legend concert. He wanted to go to the after party; so, he was put in charge of finding its location. A week later, after not hearing from him, I texted him and asked if he had found out. He had forgot all about it and couldnt talk bc he had to get ready for work. I texted him the next day, the day that we were to go out, with the location of the party. Marcie, Tiff, and I went to Ruby Tuesday to eat. He was suppose to be working, but wasnt there. He never called me. 3 weeks later, I still havent heard from him. You would think that after this added to the past year, I would be okay. Yet, two nights ago when I went to be “If I Aint Got You” came on…I stopped. Its our song. I could hear him singing it to me. I could hear “baby” being replaced by “B.C.” I was up for an hour thinking about him. I finally went to sleep only to awaken to “We Belong Together” on the radio. Its the song he sung to me last time we saw each other. Last night, when I went to bed, “True” came on, which is what he sung to me last time we went out together in Birmingham. All of this thinking has brought me to one conclusion…..
I do love Kourtney. The problem is that the Kourtney that Im in love with doesnt exist anymore. I love my Quack- the guy who couldnt leave the guys dorm without calling me, the guy who couldnt sleep unless he walked me to the door and gave me a hug, the guy who would call me just to talk after we spent all day together, the guy who couldnt stand for me to be mad at him, the guy who would call me with nothing to say and just sing to me for hours without one conversation, the guy who treated me like I was his world. Thats who Im in love with.
So, I have tried to get over him, seeing as how theres no possibility of anything. Teyei and I havent talked in a month, I guess. Last time we talked, we got talking about Lyfes song “Hypothetically,” which is about cheating. I think it clicked with him. Although we’re just friends that are attracted to each other, we both know that its more than a friendship and that I’m not the one he should be calling…it needs to be his girlfriend. So, I guess that’\s over with. The other guy, some of you dont know about, Tiff and Matt you know J, and I havent talked in over a month. The fact that he knew my mom was sitting beside me towards the end of our last conversation seemed to bother him. Given the situation, I can see why. I miss talking to him. I really do.
I havent emailed Clee, yet. I think I definitely am, though. Im so desperate. I cant remember the last time that I went so long without talking to a guy. Its driving me crazy. I need the attention. I know, its pathetic. Im just use to it. This is EXTREMELY long. Im working on those phone calls, btw. Tiff, I really want you to come this w/e. If anyone made it through all this…sorry….give me an opinion. I dont really know why. Just humor me,lol. The drama queen needs to know she got a little attention. You know I love you.