On the first night of Big Brothel, the voices said to me...
All of the participants have stowed their suitcase upstairs and wait expectantly in the event room. C3PO mans the bar, grumbling about the low fate he has fallen to and where master Luke might have gone to leave him in such a crude place, and R2-D2 whirls and beeps around the room, offering drinks and cheesy poofs to the various guests.
The decor of the house is a distinct mix of heavy red velvet, sleek leather and gilded woods combined in various modern ways. A banner hangs over the piano room doors, which are closed, and reads "Welcome to Big Brothel!." An eclectic mix is playing from an in house stereo, representing everything from the Flight of the Conchords and Shania Twain to the latest pop music and a few medieval style ballads. Something for everyone. Some things for no one. Except the Voices.
Just then, unmistakably dramatic music begins to pour from the speakers, drowning out conversation. Light and fog begin to seep from the piano room doors, which suddenly burst open! Fake fog pours out, leaving only two short dark silhouettes.
One lurches forward, declaring,
"Prepare for trouble..."
The other steps forward, shouting,
"And make it double..."
They continue, alternating while striking dramatic poses deep in fog.
"To encourage threesomes and exploration..."
"With all beings disregarding nation..."
"To protect the world from uptight prudes!"
"To enrich our presence with sexy nudes!"
The fog has settled and from it step two furbies mounted on simple exoskeletons!
" E-Day!"
" Loo-Loo"
"Big Brothel begins in earnest tonight!"
"So come closer--we don't bite."
"Much."
The contestants, momentarily speechless, gawk at their furry hosts. The two begin to snicker and C3PO pipes in from the bar.
"Ahem, that's right. Yes, young masters, these are the--ahem--hosts of the brothel."
E-Day coos, "Quite right old chap." Turning to the contestants it explains, "We find it most convenient to communicate in this way, and through the loud speakers."
"Yes, but on to this week's challenge!" Loo-Loo interupts, eliciting a judicious "hrmpf" from E-Day, who reaches down to snatch a dangling monocle from a chain attached to his exoskeleton and places it daintily before his right eye.
Loo-Loo follows suit, saying, "Feel free to be seated!" and gestures to the couch and barstools.
"Ahem, this being only your first week here, we've kept it simple, right'o?" E-Day begins.
Loo-Loo rolls its eyes, asking, "Must you always be British?" but E-Day ignores it, continuing, "So first we have your teams, the Dirty Dolphins and the Randy Rabbits. I say, Loo-Loo, would you, uh-hum--- I seem not to have saved that on my monocle?"
With a disapproving glance, Loo-Loo says, "I’m glad one of us is on top of it. Yes, right here. The Dirty Dolphins will include Omi Tsukiyono, Sara Sidle, Mitsuka Yoshimine, Amy Taylor, and Gimli son of Gloin.”
The four look at each other appraisingly, as Loo-Loo goes on, “On the Randy Rabbits will be Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill a.k.a Ax, Baron Humbert von Gikkingen, Little John, AndrAIa, and Ursula, the Sea Witch.”
Loo-Loo“Yes, this week is about teams. And we have a sort of--" It pauses, almost seeming to grin, "--getting to know you game."
"I say!" E-Day chimes in, "Sort of an understatement that! C3PO, if you would be so kind as to take out those two boxes we gave you?"
"What! Hmm! Ah--yes!" C3PO, startled from his study of a bottle of fine wine, reaches under the bar, mumbling, "Oh my, hardly decent for TV this is! How on earth they escape the censors..." and places two boxes of condoms, one blue, one white on the bar.
"Ah, thank you, C3PO," Loo-Loo continues, "As you can see you've a large supply of condoms, with more available from C3PO upon request, color coded for your teams."
"White," E-Day proclaims, "is for the Randy Rabbits! Aximili, Baron, John, AndrAIa, and Ursula!"
And Loo-Loo: "Blue are for the Dolphins, Omi, Sara, Mitsuka, Amy, and Gimli!"
A drumroll begins somewhere in the background. Loo-Loo looks around, failing to see why, until a sparkling holograph titled, “Room Assignations” materializes behind its head. Loo-Loo begins to speak, and is interrupted by E-Day.
"So, participants," E-Day begins, "Your goal this week is to help your team use more condoms than the other, wot? On the bar, there behind C3PO, are two steel canisters only we can unlock, each imprinted with your animal."
"All condoms to be counted must be in those canisters by Saturday at 1pm, PST!" Loo-Loo lurches at the contestants, "So any questions, just ask, right E-Day?"
"Oh yes, Loo-Loo. Just ask. We'll be here. Listening."
The two again break into giggles, resolving in distinctly un-furby-like snorts.
"Remember to review the rules!" Loo-Loo cautions.
"Ah, and get sexing!" E-Day proclaims, raising a tiny, disproportionate first in the air.
The holograph continues to shine in the background, and stays in place long after the hosts depart.
[So folks. Go Forth, and BE CREATIVE. Post and be free. And ask questions anytime, to this post if relevant to its contents. Room Assignments are posted on the community, and as an attachment to this mail.]
The decor of the house is a distinct mix of heavy red velvet, sleek leather and gilded woods combined in various modern ways. A banner hangs over the piano room doors, which are closed, and reads "Welcome to Big Brothel!." An eclectic mix is playing from an in house stereo, representing everything from the Flight of the Conchords and Shania Twain to the latest pop music and a few medieval style ballads. Something for everyone. Some things for no one. Except the Voices.
Just then, unmistakably dramatic music begins to pour from the speakers, drowning out conversation. Light and fog begin to seep from the piano room doors, which suddenly burst open! Fake fog pours out, leaving only two short dark silhouettes.
One lurches forward, declaring,
"Prepare for trouble..."
The other steps forward, shouting,
"And make it double..."
They continue, alternating while striking dramatic poses deep in fog.
"To encourage threesomes and exploration..."
"With all beings disregarding nation..."
"To protect the world from uptight prudes!"
"To enrich our presence with sexy nudes!"
The fog has settled and from it step two furbies mounted on simple exoskeletons!
" E-Day!"
" Loo-Loo"
"Big Brothel begins in earnest tonight!"
"So come closer--we don't bite."
"Much."
The contestants, momentarily speechless, gawk at their furry hosts. The two begin to snicker and C3PO pipes in from the bar.
"Ahem, that's right. Yes, young masters, these are the--ahem--hosts of the brothel."
E-Day coos, "Quite right old chap." Turning to the contestants it explains, "We find it most convenient to communicate in this way, and through the loud speakers."
"Yes, but on to this week's challenge!" Loo-Loo interupts, eliciting a judicious "hrmpf" from E-Day, who reaches down to snatch a dangling monocle from a chain attached to his exoskeleton and places it daintily before his right eye.
Loo-Loo follows suit, saying, "Feel free to be seated!" and gestures to the couch and barstools.
"Ahem, this being only your first week here, we've kept it simple, right'o?" E-Day begins.
Loo-Loo rolls its eyes, asking, "Must you always be British?" but E-Day ignores it, continuing, "So first we have your teams, the Dirty Dolphins and the Randy Rabbits. I say, Loo-Loo, would you, uh-hum--- I seem not to have saved that on my monocle?"
With a disapproving glance, Loo-Loo says, "I’m glad one of us is on top of it. Yes, right here. The Dirty Dolphins will include Omi Tsukiyono, Sara Sidle, Mitsuka Yoshimine, Amy Taylor, and Gimli son of Gloin.”
The four look at each other appraisingly, as Loo-Loo goes on, “On the Randy Rabbits will be Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill a.k.a Ax, Baron Humbert von Gikkingen, Little John, AndrAIa, and Ursula, the Sea Witch.”
Loo-Loo“Yes, this week is about teams. And we have a sort of--" It pauses, almost seeming to grin, "--getting to know you game."
"I say!" E-Day chimes in, "Sort of an understatement that! C3PO, if you would be so kind as to take out those two boxes we gave you?"
"What! Hmm! Ah--yes!" C3PO, startled from his study of a bottle of fine wine, reaches under the bar, mumbling, "Oh my, hardly decent for TV this is! How on earth they escape the censors..." and places two boxes of condoms, one blue, one white on the bar.
"Ah, thank you, C3PO," Loo-Loo continues, "As you can see you've a large supply of condoms, with more available from C3PO upon request, color coded for your teams."
"White," E-Day proclaims, "is for the Randy Rabbits! Aximili, Baron, John, AndrAIa, and Ursula!"
And Loo-Loo: "Blue are for the Dolphins, Omi, Sara, Mitsuka, Amy, and Gimli!"
A drumroll begins somewhere in the background. Loo-Loo looks around, failing to see why, until a sparkling holograph titled, “Room Assignations” materializes behind its head. Loo-Loo begins to speak, and is interrupted by E-Day.
"So, participants," E-Day begins, "Your goal this week is to help your team use more condoms than the other, wot? On the bar, there behind C3PO, are two steel canisters only we can unlock, each imprinted with your animal."
"All condoms to be counted must be in those canisters by Saturday at 1pm, PST!" Loo-Loo lurches at the contestants, "So any questions, just ask, right E-Day?"
"Oh yes, Loo-Loo. Just ask. We'll be here. Listening."
The two again break into giggles, resolving in distinctly un-furby-like snorts.
"Remember to review the rules!" Loo-Loo cautions.
"Ah, and get sexing!" E-Day proclaims, raising a tiny, disproportionate first in the air.
The holograph continues to shine in the background, and stays in place long after the hosts depart.
[So folks. Go Forth, and BE CREATIVE. Post and be free. And ask questions anytime, to this post if relevant to its contents. Room Assignments are posted on the community, and as an attachment to this mail.]