Chapter III, part ii
how will i shine anymore when you're not here?
That night, Castiel slept in the spare room.
It was weird sharing a home with someone, Jared thought, as he stared up at his ceiling. It was weird, because he just knew they were there. When he heard footsteps padding across the landing, he thought at first that he should be alarmed; but then he remembered that that was Castiel. When he heard the toilet flush, when he heard the door shut, when he heard a tap run-it was difficult remembering that there was even another person in the house, let alone that it was Castiel.
(He still slept with his window open.)
Just when he thought he was going to fall asleep-just as his eyelids were beginning to droop and he’d slipped into that lulling, trance-like state of extreme drowsiness, fast slipping into sleep-, his phone buzzed against his bedside table. Fumbling with one hand, he smacked at it blindly, picking it up and blinking at it. He waited for that blurry, sleepy feeling to vanish, so that he could read the words.
It was from Sandy.
Goodnight, Jay, xx
He texted back his goodnight and went to sleep thinking of Sandy. That didn’t change the fact that he dreamed of angels, though.
Friday came pretty quickly. He hadn’t been expecting it to sneak up on him as fast as it did, but all of a sudden he found himself rushing around, that Friday evening, trying to find an ironed shirt. He’d booked reservations to a relatively posh restaurant, but he hadn’t been in contact with Sandy-apart from the occasional goodnight text-since arranging the date. Castiel was watching him from the doorway, where he was stood awkwardly, arms folded across his chest.
Jared ignored him, rummaging through an open set of drawers. He found a white one which seemed to be the least wrinkled and he pulled it on, flattening it down with his hands-then he set about trying to find clean dark jeans, which would be neat enough to look smart but casual enough to seem as if he wasn’t dressing up. He didn’t find any, so he just picked out some suit trousers. Then he set about smoothing his hair, trying to make himself look at least a little bit presentable-and he figured since he was dressing up already, he might as well go all the way, so he picked out a tie and clumsily put it on.
Then he turned, flashed Castiel a grin and said, “How do I look?”
Castiel pursed his lips and tilted his head. He let out a small sigh, crossing over to Jared, stopping right in front of him-Jared could feel the angel’s breath hot on his lips as he looked up at the other. Then, with nimble quick fingers, he unpicked Jared’s tie and re-tied it. When he was finished, he stepped back, tilted his head, and then smiled slightly. “You look… good,” he said, before elaborating hastily, “Very good. I am sure she will be pleased.”
“Dude, I hope so,” he replied, “You don’t think I’m overdressing, though?”
Castiel blinked.
Jared barked a laugh, grinning. “Right, right-stupid question to ask the angel who practically lives in a suit,” he chuckled, clapping his hands together. “Anyway, I should probably head off; Sandy’s not going to be in Vancouver for all that long, so I should make the most of it, right?”
“Right,” the angel nodded.
“I’ll see you tonight, Cas. Don’t wait up,” he called back over his shoulder, as he left the flat. Jared didn’t wait for the angel’s response, shutting the door gently behind him and heading out into the street-they’d arranged to meet at the restaurant, despite the fact that Jared had wanted to play the role of the gentleman and collect her from her home. He’d always been an old-fashioned romantic at heart. Sandy had told him that she was staying at a hotel, though, and that she was already pretty close to the restaurant, so it’d be silly. He’d agreed, but reluctantly.
It was quite a nice walk-brisk and fast, his arms swinging by his side. He passed a gaggle of girls who recognised him from Gilmore Girls who asked for a photograph, which was both irritating and rather sweet; he’d explained that he was in a rush, but he took a quick group photo with them anyway. One of them asked him who the lucky lady was. He’d just grinned and winked, and the squeals of delight had followed him all the way up the road. He’d stopped in at a florist to get some pretty flowers, too; he’d thought roses at first, but he figured that was probably something of a cliché. There had been some really nice daffodils though. He’d bought a bouquet and carried it all the way to the restaurant.
He arrived at around the same time as Sandy, which was a brilliant coincidence. She looked beautiful, too; absolutely stunning in a black dress, a sweeping neckline, revealing tanned skin and smooth collarbones-there was a little silver chain clasped around her neck. He vaguely remembered giving it to her as a goodbye present, after filming Cry Wolf, and it made his heart jump a little to see her wear it. He figured his cheeks were probably flushing and his jaw was undoubtedly dropping, but he couldn’t stop his gaze from travelling down her long, long legs and back up to her pretty, pretty face.
She was smiling softly, maybe a little bashfully, at him, “Hey.”
“You look beautiful,” he said, before cringing. “Sorry, I meant-I, uh… Hi. These are for you,” he finished, thrusting his hand out to offer her the bouquet of daffodils. He could feel his entire face reddening. She grinned as she accepted them though.
“Thanks, Jay.”
“Do you, uh-do you want to go in?”
“Either that, or we stand out in the cold all night,” she teased.
He felt himself flush again. “That was a stupid question, really.”
Sandy just laughed again. She placed her hand loosely in his, fingertips touching his; she squeezed once, reassuringly, before leading him into the restaurant. It was an Italian, all posh, with waiters in suits who looked down their noses at you, and they were lead to their table by a particularly snooty man, with slicked back hair and a pointed, ratty nose. Sandy didn’t let go of Jared’s hand once, which was nice; he found himself slowly beginning to relax, too, the awkward embarrassment fading away-and when they finally sat down again, he was joking and laughing and teasing her.
When the waiter came back around to take their orders, Jared hadn’t even looked at the menu once; they did order red wine to share, though, which was very… date-like, for lack of better words. Actually, he was beginning to get into the swing of the entire thing, managing to balance flirting and just friendly banter perfectly, to the point where he was even beginning to forget he was on a date. He wasn’t sure whether that was a good or a bad thing, but he didn’t really mind, because Sandy had a brilliant laugh. It started off slow and quiet, like she was trying to hold herself back; she’d place a hand politely over her mouth, but her eyes would glitter with laughter and mischief. Then all it would take was one more comment from Jared, and he’d push her over the edge; her eyes would crinkle and her grin would widen, and she’d laugh and laugh and laugh. It was one of those contagious laughs too, and he’d end up cracking up, and Christ, they were like two school children being let loose in that restaurant.
The filthy looks they kept receiving from other customers, as well as the waiters, was enough to make Jared laugh again, and they’d end up just going round in one huge, laughing circle.
In the end, they ordered soup and bread to share-which was rather romantic of Jared, he thought-as well as some more wine. Sandy then ordered some fancy Italian dish, which would probably be tiny and nicely presented, while Jared just went for a lasagne, because he wasn’t feeling particularly adventurous. The soup turned up after about ten minutes; at first, they ate politely, separately, and then Jared thought what the hell. He leant across the table, tapped Sandy’s nose with one finger, and said, “Open wide,” before popping a spoonful of soup in her mouth.
She blinked at him, looking vaguely startled, and then her features relaxed into a grin.
They carried on eating like that, feeding each other spoonfuls of soup and tiny pieces of bread, until Jared spoilt the romantic atmosphere by making an aeroplane noise, a grin plastered across his face. Sandy had broken then, bursting out into fits of laughter, and their waiter had taken away their bowl with a disapproving frown and a sniff of distaste.
“How’s the filming coming along?” Sandy asked, as they waited for their main course.
“It’s, uh,” he paused, attempting to think of the right words. “It’s good, to be honest-really good. Hectic, too, but filming always is, right? And Jensen’s awesome; he’s funny and smart and really, really good at acting-and he sometimes acts like a whiny bitch, but he’s brilliant through and through. He knows me better than anyone, I think-we just, we clicked, y’know? I should introduce you two, really, you’d like him.”
She laughed, rolling her eyes fondly. “It sounds like you should be dating him, Jay.”
“Ew, no thanks,” he blanched, “He’d be way too high maintenance.”
Then he actually considered what Sandy had just said-or, rather, what she hadn’t said-and he felt his cheeks heat up again. Was that what they were doing, then? Dating? It was weird, because he’d never really thought of it like that; sure, Sandy was attractive, and sure, he flirted with her constantly, but… he’d never have called it dating. Actually, he kind of liked the sound of that, and he smiled at her-a tiny, little smile. He put his hand on hers on top of the table. She glanced down at it, eyebrows raised, and then smiled back at him; it was the sort of smile that said, “What took you so long, idiot?”, and he couldn’t help but chuckle softly.
“I’m an idiot, right?”
“Wouldn’t have you any other way, Padalecki.”
“I know you wouldn’t, McCoy,” he replied, and leant across the table to press a chaste kiss against her cheek.
“Ahem,” their waiter coughed pointedly, and Jared sat back down hastily, flustered. Their waiter put a plate of food in front of Sandy-a tiny amount, just as he’d figured it would be-and then that lasagne in front of Jared, before ducking his head politely. “Enjoy your meal.”
Jared murmured his thanks, as did Sandy, and then the waiter-with a smile that was more of a grimace than anything else-turned and left them to eat. Jared glanced across the table at Sandy; she was eyeing her food relatively hungrily, and so he picked up his knife and fork, prompting her to begin eating as well. They traded stories across their food; Jared told her about various pranks he’d played on Jensen, attempting to explain why he kept on doing it-“he’s just so hard to break.”-, while Sandy told him about what she’d been doing after Cry Wolf, which, in all fairness, hadn’t actually been all that much.
“It’s been difficult,” she admitted, shrugging her shoulder as she twirled some pasta around her fork. “I’ve done some voiceover work, but nothing big since Cry Wolf.”
“Hey, you’re a talented actress and a sweet girl,” Jared said, beaming at her. “You’ll find something.”
“Thanks, Jay,” Sandy replied, and they continued eating. She couldn’t quite hide the pleased smile on her face, though, and that made Jared feel vaguely warm, pleased with himself as well as proud of her. He shoved a forkful of lasagne into his mouth, chewing absently, and found his thoughts returning to home. He wondered how Castiel was doing, whether or not the dogs were okay, if the angel had taken them for a walk; he wondered what the angel was even doing. How was he entertaining himself? Jared should have left him something to eat-what had he eaten, anyway?
His phone vibrated in his pocket.
He couldn’t help but check it, then, and he was relieved to see that Sandy didn’t look too annoyed; she just seemed mildly irritated at the interruption, but nodded when he glanced across at her, checking to see if it was okay if he could take a look. He honestly didn’t want to spoil the date or upset her. He glanced down at the screen, checked the number, and his brow furrowed. It was unknown, but he recognised it-
His eyes widened.
That was Castiel’s number; he remembered it from the voicemail.
He opened the text and blinked down at the screen.
I have locked myself out of your flat.
Jared blinked again.
He read the text twice, just to check that he wasn’t imagining things, and then sent a hasty reply. Can’t you just, I don’t know, magic yourself back inside? You’re an angel. He waited for a moment, reread it once, and then put his phone back in his pocket. He must have looked horrified or something, because Sandy put down her knife and fork, her face a picture of concern.
“What’s happened, Jay?”
“My, uh-my roommate has locked himself out,” Jared explained, still frowning, “Which is weird, because I gave him a key, and… and I really don’t want to spoil this date, Sandy, but I think I’m going to have to go back and-”
His phone vibrated again.
He took it out and peered at the screen.
I can’t.
He scowled and sent back: We need to talk, Cas. Then he smiled apologetically at Sandy, feeling extremely guilty; she looked disappointed, sure, but mostly sympathetic, and she waved her hand dismissively. “It’s fine, Jared,” she said gently, placing her free hand on top of his. “I’m just happy I got to see you at all, what with how busy your schedule is. We should definitely do this again sometime, though.”
“I’d love to.”
“That makes two of us; you can tell me a little bit about this roommate of yours,” Sandy teased; her hand left Jared’s as she began to gather her stuff together. “Will you be free next week?”
He considered that, before nodding slowly. “Friday, Sandy-every Friday. That can be our day.”
“It sounds perfect,” she said and her face lit up. Jared watched as she stood up; and then he stood up, slipping out from behind the table just as she stepped out. They stood awkwardly in front of each other for a moment, and then Sandy stood up on her tip-toes and pressed the lightest kiss against his lips-it was as soft as feathers, and lasted for only a brief moment. Then she whispered goodnight, her breath tickling his lips, and turned; frozen for a moment, he watched her leave, winding her way past waiters and tables and out of the door.
He stayed where he was. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he picked it up, glancing down at it: I know, it read, and he let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. He put his hand in his pocket, pulled out his wallet and left enough cash to cover both the bill and a tip; then, walking briskly, he left the restaurant, pushing open the doors and peering into the night, searching for dark hair and a black dress.
Sandy was flagging down a taxi when he spotted her.
He shouted her name, running across the road to meet her and practically getting hit by a car. She looked puzzled and he didn’t even give her time to think, let alone speak, as he wrapped his arms around her and planted a messy, sloppy kiss on her lips. She was tense for a moment, and then she relaxed, hooking her arms around his neck and deepening the kiss, and Jared couldn’t help but think it was all very dramatic-a kiss befitting a movie, really, rather than his everyday, humdrum life.
He stepped back and she raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay, Prince Charming-you’ve swept me off my feet. Now what?”
“Now, ah…”
Jared trailed off sheepishly.
“Now I really need that taxi.”
life is like a shadow
it never stays in one place
i’m standing here anyway
however long it takes to steal
your heart
When Jared pulled up outside his apartment, he hadn’t particularly been expecting to see Castiel leaning awkwardly against the wall, two red dog-leads in his hands, Sadie and Harley sat waiting by his feet. It was actually a rather bizarre sight; Castiel looked out of place at the best of times, and this-this was just too normal. It brought a smile to Jared’s face, despite the fact that he was still feeling guilty about stealing Sandy’s taxi and leaving so abruptly, even though she’d reassured him it was fine. He couldn’t stop himself from grinning, and the taxi driver-a woman with short red hair and black glasses, called Ruth, who’d never really wanted to be a taxi driver, but had gotten old too quickly and where had the years gone?-smiled, and said, “That’s sweet.”
“Huh?”
“That,” she said, gesturing from Jared to Castiel, “The way you look at him. It’s sweet-and it’s none of my business, God, I’m sorry.”
“What? No, it’s fine,” Jared replied, feeling ever so slightly confused about the entire exchange. He must have sounded bemused, because Ruth suddenly peered at him long and hard, and he stared blankly back at her.
She flushed scarlet.
“Oh God, I am so sorry, I thought you two were-well, you know,” she stuttered and stammered, flapping her hands at Jared, looking extremely embarrassed, “Seriously, I just-the way you looked at him-and you were smiling, and you were so happy, and-how about you just pay, I’ll shut up, and we can pretend I never put my foot in it, okay? That’ll be thirteen dollars, honey,” she finished, and she still looked mortified, but Jared just handed her the money, raising an eyebrow. Still feeling extremely confused, he stepped out of the taxi, headed over to Castiel, and glanced back over his shoulder, watching Ruth speed away.
Then Jared turned back to face Castiel, shoving his hands in his pockets and rummaging around for his keys; by their feet, Sadie and Harley were wagging their tails, panting, happy, and he couldn’t help but feel a surge of fondness. He reached down, scratching behind Harley’s ear. He raised an eyebrow, looking up at Castiel as he did so, and said, “I was in the middle of a date, Cas.”
“I know,” the angel replied. “I apologise.”
Jared rolled his eyes, “Its fine. Sandy understood, so it’s fine.”
“Okay.”
“What were you even doing out here, anyway?”
“I, ah,” Castiel looked a bit embarrassed, one hand reaching up to rub the bridge of his nose as he spoke-Jared was momentarily struck by just how human the gesture was, and he couldn’t stop himself from frowning. There really were some things Castiel wasn’t telling him. “Your dogs were extremely lively. I thought a walk would tire them out, but, as you can see, I forgot to bring any means of getting back inside the house. I, uh-sorry,” he finished lamely, breaking Jared’s eye contact and staring awkwardly down at Harley, who immediately pressed his nose against Castiel’s hand, nudging him softly.
Jared raised an eyebrow.
Then he chuckled softly, shaking his head-and he didn’t know why, but he reached out, pressed his hand against Castiel’s head, ruffling his hair slightly. It felt soft beneath his fingers, and he saw the angel tense momentarily before relaxing again. “Dude, it’s fine,” he said, grinning. “Besides, I think it’s cute you decided to take my babies for a walk. No wonder they love you so much.”
Castiel just smiled slightly.
He realised he was still resting his hand on the angel’s head, and, rather reluctantly, he pulled it away, turning towards the door. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Castiel reach up to flatten his hair back down, or to attempt to, but his fingers lingered there for just a moment too long. It looked a little like he’d just wanted to touch the same place Jared had. His brow furrowed, and Jared turned away, slipping the key into the lock and opening the door. Harley and Sadie bounded past him, excited to be home, and he stood to the side, holding it open for Castiel-the angel hesitated for a second, just a brief second, as if he’d wanted to say something, before heading inside. Jared hovered in the doorway, taking just a little too long to lock the door, and then, as he passed the living room, he said, “I’m just going for a shower, alright?”
He needn’t have said anything.
Castiel was already curled up on the sofa, hands beneath his head, Sadie by his side; and while Jared had managed to get him to wear jeans and a t-shirt when he was at home, instead of his suit, he’d still draped his trench-coat across himself as a makeshift blanket. Absently, Jared wondered just how long and vigorous that walk had been, but then he went into the bedroom, returning with a proper blanket and a pillow. He managed to slip the pillow beneath Castiel’s head without waking the angel, pausing to readjust the other, and then he placed the blanket on him. He stood where he was, marvelling at just how peaceful-how suddenly relaxed-Castiel was.
A few strands of short hair slipped across his forehead, and Jared reached forwards instinctively, brushing them away-and then he froze like that, just for a second, before pulling back, feeling confused. Why the hell had he just done that? He could argue that it was instinct-that being so close to Jensen and being able to do the same things to Jensen had left Jared with no concept of personal space whatsoever. That felt like a reasonable excuse for the time being, and muttering, “Showering now,” he headed back into the bathroom. He switched on the water, waited patiently for it to get hot enough, and then undressed, stepping into the shower. He closed his eyes for a second, brow furrowed.
It was only when a few minutes had passed, and the water didn’t feel so hot any more, that Jared remembered Castiel’s reply to his text about using his magic to get back into the locked flat. His eyes snapped open and his frown grew worse, and he wondered what the hell was going on there. He was going to have to ask Castiel about it-but not when the angel looked so at ease.
It could wait.
i’m gonna steal your heart
(gonna steal your heart away)
i’m gonna steal your heart
And then i’ll steal your heart away
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