I am back again, lol
Once again, andrew comes back to his livejournal. I have been going through alot of shit lately, and I think this is a good place to vent, since I like never use it anymore.
School is horrible, and I plan on leaving asap. I cannot stand living without my bear any longer. I plan on moving in with him and starting our life, then I will worry about fucking school. There is just so much shit going on that i can't focus for more than 5 minutes. I am here to learn how to be a better musician, but I feel like I worse off now then when I started. I hate playing the tuba and I really fucking miss singing. It is so depressing to be here. I just want to sleep all the fucking time. I am basically hating my life right now.
It is fucking 4 am and I have a class in 4 hours. I havent slept at all today. I have been up for what is now maybe 17ish hours, and I am not fucking tired. I want to write music, but it is too much effort for me to open the fucking program. Everything is too much effort. I don't shower frequently, because I would much prefer to just sit in my bed and do nothing on my computer. I don't like eating food, because its a waste of energy. I barely talk with my new college friends anymore. I just hate all of this bullshit.
I am planning on fixing this shit right away. I have a plan, but you will all find out soon enough what it involves. It will be life changing and if you don't think it is the right move, well I really don't give a flying shit what you think mmk?
I am so moody and stressed. My parents are complete bitches for everything that they have put me through in my life. I would not need therapy so badly if they didn't keep telling me I was a liar, then forcing me into therapy. I want so badly for therapy to work, but as i am sitting here being forced to do it, I just dont want to put the effort into it. Only for the reason that I didnt choose to go.
I know I am a brilliant musician, but sometimes more important things must come first. I am going to be sacrificing so much to gain a life. My mental health needs to come first. I am going to upset and disappoint so many people with my decision, and that kills me inside. But I am trying my hardest to fight for my life and what i believe is right.
I dont care enough to write anymore in here for now.